


Seasons of Faith

by MsDarcieFox



Category: Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, Anne de Bourgh - Freeform, Drama & Romance, F/M, Gothic Romance, HEA, Happily Ever After, Lady Catherine de Bourgh - Freeform, Lizzy Bennet - Freeform, Love Affair, Mr Collins - Freeform, Mr Darcy - Freeform, Retribution, Sex, pride and prejudice - Freeform, sensual romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:06:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDarcieFox/pseuds/MsDarcieFox
Summary: *This story is copyright protected ©What if... Elizabeth had been forced to marry Mr Collins after all? And Mr Darcy had left after the ball at Netherfield and never had the opportunity to propose at easter. Mr Darcy in turn marries his cousin Anne and it seems both our dear characters are forced into untenable situations. Will they have their HEA or will they find solace and brief moments of happiness in each other's arms?Uploading weekly 🖤
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy
Comments: 62
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox_

**Updated weekly!!** 🥳

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**November 1813.**

It is a truth _not_ universally acknowledged, that a daughter is a gift often squandered and offered up sacrificially, in order to repair the errors of their fathers. Used as a commodity in the endeavour of securing one's home, or for one's sons. Daughters were also particularly useful when seeking a better status and social standing within society. At one point in every woman's life, if she were extremely lucky, she would pass from being the property of her father, to be sold into the possession of rich and titled gentlemen who were most probably on the verge of senility and in possession of a badly powdered wig which did nothing but accentuate a severely receding hair line.

In the case of Elizabeth Bennet, now Elizabeth Collins, she was married off to her snivelling, profusely sweaty and rather rotund cousin, Mr Collins, a parson by profession. Who coincidentally was the heir to the Longbourn estate in Hertfordshire, her family home. Which upon her father's death, Mr Collins will inherit, but now strategically, Elizabeth is now in a position to keep them from being thrown to the hedgerows, as her mother used to fret constantly!

None can claim ignorance of the dictate's society places upon men too… often it forces men into the underbelly of society - perhaps, ' _forces'_ is too strong a word. True men do have their lot in life too, also having the pressures of making an advantageous marriage. however, that is where the similarities end... they are not expected to leave their families, homes and all they know. they have the control of the marriage and of their wives and can find comfort in another's arms should they wish to. Their's is still a path that they have the freedom to choose and dictate its completion, without censure and expulsion from polite society. A woman is neither given ownership to the vessel she is born, nor is she allowed to think as she feels naturally inclined to do so. Her mind trained to behave and think in accordance with the rules that society dictates from an early age. Forcing women to view having an opinion and intellect, as a failing. I do not know who the founders of such a society were, but I should very much like an audience with them when I am ultimately called to judgement.

In tough times, it is said that everyone has to take their share of the pain and suffering, but when I am afforded the rare opportunity to see my family and look upon their smiling faces, it appears that only I have experienced pain and suffering. Worst of all, it was my father who sealed me to this fate and bound me to a man, that could never make me happy and causes me great pain, as he tells me is his right as my husband. He is not wrong; in the eyes of the law he owns me entirely.

I ponder the years of my youth often. My family who were prominent amongst the four and twenty families of where my home – my family's home, Longbourn is situated. I think of how the house would only ever be still in slumber… Kitty and Lydia, my youngest sister's always bickering and giggling at once! Mary, most diligent in practicing her music, in case she might be given the opportunity to play for an audience. Though, she could master the keys well enough, she sadly did not have the voice to match her skill. Mama would always be fussing and complaining of her nerves, to which my Papa and I would share a knowing look and laugh at our secret jokes. Then there was my dearest Jane. I thought there would never be a time in which we did not share everything, but that was the ideals of my youth, which fractured and shattered since we both married and settled. A relationship that was once easy, but now there is a great gulf between us, filled with things we dare not speak...

My dear Papa, however, was my biggest disappointment of all. The others had all deeply saddened me by how easily they ignored my situation in life, now that they felt secure, due to _my_ sacrifice and continued on in their own happy lives, meandering on in the same vein as though I had never been there. They remain unchanged and unaffected… but, Papa, is who I hold accountable. He should have fought for me! But he did not, he manipulated me into this marriage, sealed my fate, and did not try to comfort me. He did what was his wont when things made him uncomfortable and hid in his small library, reading his book with a brandy in hand, issuing orders that he not be disturbed… the only thought that gave her hope, was praying there was a bigger reason beyond all of this, her suffering was not inconsequential.

And so, it is almost two years to the day that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, became Mrs Elizabeth Collins. Every week was the same... monotonous, suffocating and unvarying;

 **Monday** ; Elizabeth would begin her week with cleaning the pews of the parish, where her husband gave his sermons, taking additional care and labouring over the pulpit where he stood and addressed his congregation. This task would be done under Mr Collins' supervision and constant extolling of how she was curing her body of her past sins with such honest work. _'A woman must always aim to please her husband, my dear Mrs Collins'._

 **Tuesday** ; Would be spent working in the gardens of her husband's home, the Hunsford Cottage, which abutted the grand Rosing's Park estate, belonging to his esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

 **Wednesday** ; Elizabeth was granted a morning to herself to walk in the grove, Afterwards, she would join her husband and they would take tea with her Ladyship. Playing the pianoforte for her Ladyship's amusement, but still had yet to be told she played _well enough!_

 **Thursday;** Mr Collins would insist that she call on the more affluent of their congregation and take tea with them, offering assistance when needed and report back to him in detail. In the evening every Thursday, he would visit her bed chamber, unlike what she had been told to expect from her Aunt Gardiner or her Mama, he was neither kind or patient with her. In the bedroom, he became a different man altogether, crying did nothing to stem the abuse pouring forth from his mouth or put a stop to his hands bruising her body and pinning her face down upon the bed until he was done with her. Elizabeth no longer fought back or tried to overpower him, her husband was not an impressive looking man, but his anger seemed to increase his strength. Her defensive actions did nothing against his attacks, her effort only succeeded in making him angrier and his punishments last for days. Afterwards there was no remorse, as he was of the belief that he was doing that which was decreed by God. It was not always so bad, but if he had experienced a trying day, then he would become violent when he visited her. On occasion, he would keep something she had done to displease him, sitting upon it for days before visiting her and then he would enlighten her of her errors, her husband was always careful not to mark any part of her that could be exposed, although she knew not if anyone would care if they noticed.

 **Friday;** Was the same as Wednesday. She would be granted the morning after taking breakfast with him. And that evening they would visit at Rosing's and attend her Ladyship for dinner, after which, Elizabeth would be prevailed upon to perform on the pianoforte as entertainment. It would end as always, to an applause of criticism and barbed compliments from her small audience of two.

 **Saturday;** Elizabeth would be forced to sit and watch her husband practice his sermons for the following morning and made to wait upon him for the entire day. She would receive some form of verbal abuse directed at her intelligence and the inferiority of her sex, if heaven forbid he were to make an error. On the first Saturday of each month, but only the first, Mr Collins would visit her bedchamber in the evening, as according to him it was a more blessed day.

 **Sunday;** It was expected of Elizabeth that she would awake at first light, and organise her husband's clothes, laying them out in her bedchamber for him to ready himself in. She would then dress herself and make her way to the church, to make sure everything was in order and await her husband on her knees in prayer. Afterwards, they would once more take tea with Lady Catherine, before heading back to Hunsford Cottage, where he would visit her for the final time of the week, and usually this would be the worst visit, as he felt himself to be an exulted individual!

Their calls with Lady Catherine had become more frequent since her daughter had married her cousin, Mr Darcy, in a _very_ grand affair. Elizabeth had unfortunately been unable to attend as her courses had begun the morning prior and her husband had decried that she should have to atone for such an offence, and so her penance was to be confined to the small guest chamber and fast for two days.

Elizabeth needn't have worried, for she heard so much of the event, she felt as though she had been present to witness it for herself. _Mrs Darcy, dressed in the height of fashion, no expense was spared and was the epitome of beauty and grace on her wedding day. Mr Darcy, the dearest nephew of Lady Catherine could not have been happier, or more blessed to have joined in matrimony, with such shining light of virtue for his wife._ Mr Collins brought her to understand it had been preordained for some time that Miss Anne de Bourgh and Mr Darcy should marry and unite their staggering wealth and estates.

 _Poor Anne! Mr Darcy will surely walk all over her! And so it appears Mr Darcy has,_ she was told by an unimpressed Lady Catherine, that he used to come to Rosing's every easter with his cousin Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam second son to the Earl of Matlock, her brother. Since their wedding Mr Darcy and Anne, have yet to return!

The last time she had been in Mr Darcy's company had been at the ball, Mr Bingley held at Netherfield. They had danced and as usual they had argued. That last time, they had argued over Mr Wickham and Mr Darcy's treatment of his childhood friend. Mr Darcy, of course had departed for London the day after the ball and shortly after Miss Bingley and Mr and Mrs Hurst had followed, no doubt in the hope Mr Bingley would follow them shortly after but he did not. Shortly after, Elizabeth had been forced into her engagement with Mr Collins and the worst of it, was on the eve of their wedding, Jane had become engaged to Mr Bingley, but had said nothing, so as not to detract for her wedding day!

"Why did you not announce your betrothal, Jane? Or at least tell me? I would not have married Mr Collins had you told me!" Elizabeth whispered to herself, dashing a tear from her face. As it was a Tuesday, she was currently attending to the weed's in their small garden, stabbing at the nearly frozen soil in her anger. Her nose was running and her teeth chattering, but anything was better than being alone with the company of her holier than thou husband!

In the end, it had been widely known that Wickham had been run out of Meryton by angry bar keeps, swindled comrades and enraged fathers! Apparently, he had managed to run up quite a substantial debt and dallied with a few of the tradesmen's daughter's in but a few months. Either Wickham was telling the truth and Mr Darcy, out of jealousy did cheat him out of the honorable profession which had been left to him by his Godfather, Mr Darcy's Father, who she had on good authority, was the very best of men and thus leading him into such a lifestyle.

Or...

Wickham showed a natural inclination for that sort of behaviour and owed Mr Darcy money too. Either way, it did not change that Mr Darcy was the proudest and disagreeable man of her acquaintance! His taciturn nature displayed in his dark and severe mien and his lack of concern for the feelings of other's! Mr Bingley thank goodness, was not so inclined to find their society disagreeable and had married her sister; Jane. A true love match, proving that it can happen for the lucky few… but why had she been so unlucky.

"Why didn't you tell me Jane?" she beseeched to the heavens, once more.

Mr Darcy was not too dissimilar from his Aunt, Lady Catherine. More in favour of awkward silence, than using his voice to boom and monopolise every conversation. She would thank goodness for small mercies except, in her pitiful existence she kept company with Lady Catherine often and whether she were with her or not, had to bear hearing about her magnificence and her generous condescension from her sycophant of a husband!

Finally conceding defeat, Elizabeth gathered her things made her way back into the cottage. She found her husband sitting in their small parlour beside the fire, his large stomach making his position look uncomfortable. He looked up from the letter he was reading as she entered.

"Mrs Collins, done already?" he questioned.

"Yes, Sir. Now the weather has turned cold, the weeds are not returning so easily. I shall check again tomorrow, but it seems to be a task completed." she replied.

"This came for you, from Mrs Bingley," he said, waving the letter in his hand above his head.

Elizabeth went to reach for it, but he snatched it back from her reach, "There is no need to read it, I can tell you Mrs Collins that we have been invited to Netherfield for Christmas this year!" he exclaimed, and tossed the letter into the fire.

Schooling her features and ignoring the stab of pain and flash of anger, she knew it best not to be overly excited at the prospect, otherwise he would use it a tool to get his way over her again and again. "That is very generous."

"Indeed, it is! Would you like to go?" asked Mr Collins.

Why he had to toy with her, she did not know. She knew he would not miss such an invitation. His honorable Lady Catherine, whose _bounty and beneficence_ , would no doubt travel with her to spend Christmas with the Darcy's leaving her husband superfluous!

"Yes, it should be nice to spend Christmas there, it has been more than a year since we last saw our family," she said allowing her resentment to seep into her speech, before realising her error and adding, "I feel it would be best to get better acquainted with what will be your property when you inherit and as you say husband, would it not be beneficial to promote and establish the blessing of peace in all families within the reach of your influence, as a clergyman...?" she waited nervously for his reply.

"But, of course! Your thoughtfulness serves you well, my dear Mrs Collins! As you know the Lord rewards those, who strive to please their superiors on this earthly coil. To quote Fordyce's sermons..." and on he drivelled, sweat trickling down the side of his face making her stomach turn.

Elizabeth did not know it, but it would be this Christmas spent at Netherfield that would change everything...


	2. Chapter 2

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**  
_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**December 1813**

It was growing late in the afternoon with only a few hours of daylight left in the winter sky, as Mr Darcy sat comfortably across from his wife, sound asleep in the gently rocking carriage. He knew the journey to Netherfield was always going to be a difficult journey for Anne, it was nearly three days travelling and though, he had made sure to have plenty of heated rocks, furs and blankets packed along with planned stops every twenty miles, it would still not be much of a defense against the harsh cold winter settling around them.

It had never been Darcy's intention to marry his cousin, in fact, the more his aunt had pushed the union the more resolved he came in not submitting to her will. However, when he had received his fortnightly summons from Lady Catherine, to come at once to Rosing's on the morning of his good friend; Charles Bingley's ball two years prior... he done as usual and had tossed it, intending to dispose of the letter in the fire. It was not until the balls end, where he had once again discovered the festering wolf in sheep's clothing; George Wickham, had managed to turned the whole of the small town against him. He had learned of his own apparent dastardly deeds from one of the most infuriating and impertinent young ladies of his acquaintance.

In truth he had quite enjoyed Miss Elizabeth Bennet's wit and marvelled at her intelligence, enjoying and taking every opportunity to spar with her on multiple occasions, until that moment. He felt duped and disappointed that he could have been so easily lead by his ardour and fooled by a pair of _fine eyes_ , who appeared to be no more than any other of her silly younger sisters, and at least they had their age and negligent parents to blame for their being out in society before an appropriate age in their misguided judgement. He did, however, feel for Miss Bennet as he had since heard of her betrothal to Mr Collins; his aunt's current parson, who was the silliest and most grating man he had ever met.

When the ball had finally ended in the small hours of the next morning, before Mr Darcy had retired to his room, to discover his Aunt's letter had been moved to his desk by his valet, and without giving too much thought, ordered his things packed and left that morning.

Mr Darcy knew his rage had played a major factor in wanting to leave so suddenly, but it was also in embarrassment at having tarried too long in Netherfield for the sake of a growing infatuation that had in the end been reveled to be one sided and not reciprocated even slightly. He had learned one thing at least, now after having felt such an attraction to woman, not only for her body but for her brilliance of mind, he would have to put a stop to his aunt's misapprehension of his one day marrying his cousin. He had never thought he would marry, but if he ever did, he wanted a wife who would challenge and inspire him and his sickly cousin did not offer him that, perhaps if the Anne he remembered from his youth had not been replaced by a resigned and weak woman, then it might have been. When he arrived, he had gone to see Anne to discuss things with her and see if she was still against the union, before taking tea with his aunt, so as to know how to broach the conversation he needed to have with his aunt.

He had found Anne sitting in her art room, painting a picture of the small stream at Rosing's, from a painting by another. She had not been aware of his presence in the doorway and had become frustrated, throwing the paint brushes to the floor as she began to sob. Not expecting her capable of such an outburst, Mr Darcy, did not hesitate to go to her, kneeling to the side of where she sat and used his handkerchief to wipe away her tears.

"Dear cousin, what is the matter?" he asked.

"Oh, it 'tis nothing, I only grow upset at never having seen the stream for myself, well not that I can remember. I want to paint it from my perspective but can only ever paint from – Oh Fitzwilliam!" she gasped, realising it was he before her and smiling softly, "I did not know we were to be expecting you, what a wonderful surprise."

"I thought to pay you a surprise visit." he said, shocked at her welcome and then realized it was because his aunt was not here! It had been some years since they had spent time without her mother present!

"You cannot lie to me, cousin. Mother has summoned you and you have come to put an end to her meddling! You do not have to fear on my account, she will tell you that you will be ruining my prospects and how I have waited for you, etcetera. But I am not fool at twenty-seven, my frail body will inspire no man and will most likely not last me much longer." she sighed softly.

But it was not the words spoken by his gentle cousin, it was what appeared to be relief in her eyes that it would all be over soon, and the realization that his cousin from his memories was still in there…

Abruptly he stood and walked to the window, in silent contemplation for a moment or two. His back ramrod straight as was always his habit when he was deep in thought or trying to fight his emotions. After a few long minutes Darcy turned quickly and went to where his cousin Anne sat patiently waiting for him to collect his thoughts.

"How are you feeling today, Anne?" he asked.

"I am well, as you see?" she said quizzically, "you are behaving out of sorts…"

"I wondered... how would you like to see the stream for yourself?"

"But my mother would never allow it. She has not allowed me to leave the house in almost a year, since my last seizure." she said, clearly nervous, scared even.

"Are you frightened to go outside?" he said crouching down once more.

To his complete shock she laughed, it was not a loud invigorating laugh, but a breathy laugh as if she was unsure of how to do so, "No, I am terrified of what my mother will put me through before and after the fact. She will undoubtedly get angry and then try to tell me of all the painful ways such an endeavour will result in my death. Afterwards I will be subjected to baths of ice, stretching of my limbs, stiflingly hot rooms and foul draughts, which never seem to make a difference." she whispered, "Therefore as wonderful as your gesture is, I would ask that we do not attempt it." she smiled, but it did nothing to remove the sadness and despair from her countenance.

Instead of arguing the point, Darcy was no physician, but he knew being kept in doors without sunlight and fresh could only be a detriment, flowers always wilted with out sunlight… He pulled up a stool and sat with his profile to his cousin and allowed her to capture his likeness.

"I know it is hardly comparable but if you do not tell a soul, I my skill of stillness to good use, for you to capture me from you point of view," his eyes twinkling with mirth, but a sadness too.

As he sat there, he could hear the soothing strokes of her paint brush on the canvas and thought of all his memories of his cousin. In her youth she had wanted to play with him and their other cousins, but Lady Catherine had rarely allowed it, she had showed no signs of a sickly constitution then, but his aunt had always been too scared she would come to harm. He remembered her being lively and daring. A great lover of the theatre, music and had talked for hours of all the things she would do when she was old enough to leave Rosing's behind.

Once her seizure's started, things became strained and everyone was afraid to go near Anne. Gradually she had been confined in doors more and more, only allowed out when her Ladyship ventured outside, until that had been stopped last year. She had still maintained her wicked sense of humour and talked of things that she should not, he knew his cousin, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam would often tell her stories of buxom actresses and tavern wenches and she would enjoy scandal of it all. Endearingly in her innocence, she thought she new terribly wanton tales, but she had only heard of stolen kisses, never enough that would reveal the intimacies shared within the bedroom. Darcy had told Richard many a time he should not be saying such things to Anne, but Richard had always argued that she was not likely to know romance or adventure in her life. And he was right, ever since her first seizure Anne had never recovered, each one taking more and more from her but at such a slow pace it wasn't largely noticeable. She always appeared pale and tired and if you did not know her you would not see her decline.

"Anne?" he asked, breaking her concentration.

"Shh!" she admonished.

The clock on the mantle ticked on. Tick… tock… tick… "Anne?"

"Yes, dear cousin?" she said, archly pretending to be cross.

"Marry me."

Anne froze, unable to speak she stayed as she was, brush poised, mouth agape and blinked at him.

"Why?" she asked, wide eyed.

"Do you love me?" he answered, with a question of his own.

"No, and you do not love me either." she said, firmly.

"No. I do not."

"Then why?" she asked, watching him shrewdly as she placed her hands in her lap.

"Allow me take you away, away from here." he answered gently.

"What is it? Are you short of money? Have you sired an illegitimate heir?" she asked unflinchingly.

"None of those things…" he paused, searching for the correct words when she interjected.

"I will most likely not live very long. I can feel myself weakening much quicker than I have ever done before and I do not need a doctor tell me I would be unable to carry a child to full term, let alone survive childbirth." she warned. Her brown eyes pinning him, seeing for anything that might give way to his true feelings.

Moving his stool closer to her, he leaned forward, "Anne, I have never anticipated doing this myself. I am saying this only because you have a way of reading minds, no one can fool you, my dear cousin. I wish to give you some fulfilment and joy in your life. We could go to Pemberley and sit outdoors and paint to your hearts content. I know you are ill, but your mind is not, and it is being suffocated by Lady Catharine and I believe you deserve better." he finished. He was not lying, Darcy had come to Rosing's aiming to achieve the complete opposite outcome, but Anne did deserve better. And if she did have a month, a year, five years, she deserved to live them without ice baths and confinement and have memories when she was weaker to bring her joy and hope.

She was the only one who had understood his silence and temperament after the death of his parents and did not mock him or tease him for being different or socially awkward. We created a unique friendship when Anne lost her father the year Darcy lost his mother. They had not spent much time in each others company of late but they had always understood the other with perfect clarity.

"Perhaps, you and I will be able to bring out a contentment and optimism in each other?" he said.

Waiting awkwardly, unsure if he wanted her to accept or decline his offer. When finally, she looked up, he released the breath he had not known he was holding and moved back to give her space to speak.

"If you are truly serious?" she asked and for the first time Darcy saw hope flare in her eyes.

"Am I not always, so?" he answered, with a small quirk of his lips. Anne knew most missed this and always thought him very severe and critically, when often he was joking, but his sense of humour was typically quite dry and if you did not know him, his expression straight.

She smiled then, felling her courage grow, "I will accept, but I have conditions…"

"Very well, if it is in my possession to grant them, I will do so." he answered.

"Firstly, I will never be made to do anything I do not wish to do?"

"That goes without saying, Anne. I can promise you; I will never impose upon you in any way." he vowed, knowing this would not be a conventional marriage, but one of companionship.

She held out her hand to shake as though sealing the promise.

"Secondly, I do not wish to be carted off to Pemberley, I find that now I have been offered the chance to leave here, I wish to go to London. I do not mean to say that we spend no time in Derbyshire, but I long to go to the theatre and museums again!" she said, two spots of colour appearing in her cheeks, which had been absent for too long. It was then that Darcy knew he had done the right thing and not for his aunt but for his cousin and dear friend, Anne. He suddenly felt his guilt keenly, for leaving her forgotten here at his aunts mercy for so long.

"I will agree, but if it is a detriment to your health we will retire to the country for a reprieve and then return, yes?" he countered.

"Agreed," she said, and they shook hands once more, "Thirdly, I wish to try everything at least once, before we say my health will not permit it and we retreat to the country!"

"Granted," he agreed, and they shook hands once more.

"Finally, I never wish to come back to Rosing's ever again. It has been my prison for so many years and I had made my peace with only leaving, upon my departure from this earth. But now I am going to leave, I never wish to return." she said, with such conviction that Mr Darcy simply held his hand out to shake it.

Mr Darcy found himself, jolted from his memories from Anne groaning as she awoke.

"How far away are we, Fitzwilliam?" she shivered.

Leaning over and putting the fur he was using to cover his legs and now warmed from his body over her, he shuffled the warmed bricks, picking one as they had cooled and gave it to her in her lap. He knew he should not have allowed this trip, but his wife was adamant and she had been denied so much until they married, he could not say no. Noticeable in the past months she had improved greatly, it had been the longest spell without seizure she had experienced in years, but left Darcy feeling as though one was eminent any day now. And even though, there had been great improvements she was still very weak and prone to illness and the winters were always the hardest.

"We are entering Hertfordshire now, so we should be there in the next hour. Is there anything you need for your comfort?" he asked gently.

"No, I am happy, if a little stiff. I am eager to stand." she said, turning the brick in her gloved hands.

"I could ask the driver to stop?" he suggested.

"No, please stop fussing! As you said, we are not far off now, I am more eager to see Mr and Mrs Bingley and baby Charlie!" she said. She had always loved children, and he regretted that she would never be able to have any of her own.

He bent and clasped her ankles and brought her feet to rest on his lap, "Better?"

"Yes, thank you, Fitzwilliam." she sighed, closing her eyes once more.

Darcy pretended not to notice the blush staining her cheeks and looked out of the window the rest of the way. He knew Anne's affection for him had grown and in truth his for her had grown too, but they both admitted they did not feel passion towards each other. Darcy was decided he could not go further than small intimacies, sometimes sharing a small chaste kiss here and there, but otherwise they were more friends and would stay that way. He had learned his lesson four months into their marriage, when Anne had come to him asking him to make her a proper wife. She had argued that she was greatly improved in her health and did not want to die without experiencing something which her body was made for. And they had tried, but Anne had experienced a most violent seizure almost immediately afterwards. Without knowing whether the act itself had brought it on or her orgasm, he could not bring himself to ever risk her health in such a way. He knew that Anne did not feel that kind of affection for him, and neither did he for her, but as they were very open, he knew she always blushed when he touched her because she could not help remembering when they had shared together.

Just then the carriage, gently rolled to a stop, they had finally arrived at Netherfield!


	3. Chapter 3

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_  
Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, it makes my day and I appreciate all feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**December 1813**

The next few weeks passed not as she had come to expect, her husband had visited her more that was his usual routine. Another irregularity in her husband is his change in his treatment of her… the past three weeks he had been… kinder. He had visited her in the evenings more frequently, but had not managed to, ehm, 'rise to the occasion,' and most disconcerting of all he had not blamed her or harmed her due to his failure, which was what she had come to expect, for it could not be his fault, she had always been the cause of such shortcomings.

Elizabeth could not enjoy this change, finding her inability to predict his moods and actions very unnerving. At least with their usual routine she could prepare for his fists connecting with her body, knew how to read the signs. Now quite adept in muting the vicious monologue accompanying his visits, focusing on the smaller noises; the tapping of a branch on the windowpane and the distant sound of wind chimes and had become proficient at controlling her breathing when he pushed her face into the mattress. Of all those things, these past few weeks were torture, this pregnant pause before his anger unleashed itself with an unrivalled force and shattered her being.

This present moment was one of those times, where Elizabeth was sure she was about to be taught of her inferiority by Mr Collins. Swallowing past the bundle of nerves lodged in her throat, she resisted the urge to cower away and remove herself from her husband's presence, she had long learned he would drag her out from whatever hiding place she chose and try to humiliate her, comparing her to eve and then try to beat her sins from her. The scariest part of this side to Mr Collins, was that it was a sort of ritual he needed in order to bed her, she saw in his eyes only the presence of evil accompanied by a mad and wicked gleam in his eyes as he looked down at her and overpower her into submission.

Elizabeth had been in the sitting room watching a manservant pack their last trunk into the carriage Mr and Mrs Bingley had graciously sent, when Mr Collins had burst in minutes ago but only stood menacingly in the doorway. Placing her hand upon the mantle beside her, she eyed her husband cautiously. He had never before raised a hand to her in the light of day and not with any servants around. They had heard her screams at the beginning, and they must hear his sadistic sermons, but it was never spoken of, or whispered between the servants. Ever. The older maid Mrs Hopkins, who always saw to her after husband's night visits once said, " _Do not let him see your pain, do not give him the satisfaction."_ And from then on, Elizabeth remained silent during his visit's no matter how difficult. The first few times he only tried harder, but when he realized it was futile, he would throw her around with different degrees of intent but tt always ended the same. He would pin her down and force his way into her. Shuddering she could always feel his touch no matter how much she scrubbed at her body after the act.

"Are we ready to depart?" she asked, working to keep her tone neutral and calm.

Without a word, he made a sweeping gesture with his hat in hand towards the doorway to usher her out before him. After a moment's hesitation she squared her shoulders and walked trembling to the doorway, holding her breath as she passed him. He lifted his hand to his brow, and she flinched slightly but did not falter in her steps. Her stomach roiled when she caught his reflection in the glass before her and saw the satisfied smirk twisting his thin lips.

Without her husband's assistance she entered the carriage and took a seat beside the opposite window, facing backwards. She did not look to her husband as huffed and puffed entering, taking a seat beside the door, offering blessing to the servant who closed the door. His weight making the carriage dip at an awkward angle and then they were off.

And so, it was a full day's journey to Netherfield and Elizabeth had sat in silent contemplation of what it would be like to see her family after so long apart. Had they missed her? Would they enquire as to her why she had not been to see them or invited them to stay with her? Though truthfully, she knew her family very rarely held their tongues, and would be more than capable of the forwardness needed to invite themselves to Hunsford Cottage!

"My dear, Mrs Collins, I cannot wait to show my dear cousin of our wedded felicity! We nary speak a word of discord, do we my dear?" he asked, "Indeed we do not!" he finished without waiting for her to answer.

 _What a sick, depraved man she had married,_ thought Elizabeth with disgust. Secretly pleased her courses had arrived this morning, she could think of nothing worse than carrying this man's devil spawn and at least it would allow her a week's peace. She had heard of cases where women had cared for their abuser's child, even loved them. But did not know if she were capable of such an unconditional love… not anymore. Sighing to herself she looked out of the window once more.

"We will tell Mr Bennet, of how Lady Catherine has asked us to dine with her many times per sennight, how honoured we are by such condescension! How she very much approves of my choice in wife -" Mr Collins paused, looking at Elizabeth with such concentration that she felt his stare and returned it.

"You will tell them, Mrs Collins, of how content and happy you are with your situation in life." her husband continued, but his tone was hard with his instruction.

She realised then with complete clarity, he had merely been kinder to her, so their relatives would be kept ignorant his true tendencies and depravity. He needn't worry on that score, she had told her father she was unhappy and that she wanted to come home at Jane's wedding (granted she could not speak out loud of what she experienced at the hands of her husband, not then), but her father said that she needed to be an adult now. _'You are no longer a child under my care, Lizzy. You will have to obey your husband; he is the one responsible for your welfare now. You may come and visit as often as you like.'_ She had tried to speak further, tried to voice that he hit her, however, her father abruptly ended the conversation as if he knew of what she was about to speak. And so, she did not attempt the conversation again.

"Of course, Sir." she said flatly to Mr Collins, waiting for him to look away before she looked back at the countryside passing before her. The scenery starting to become familiar. Her heart sped up; they were not far now.

"Are we to stay at Longbourn or Netherfield?" she asked, realising she did not know what their plans were.

"We are to stay at Netherfield, as it is Mr and Mrs Bingley who have extended such a generous invitation. You will not be conspiring against me with your father on this trip. No you shall not!" he teased.

"You needn't worry on that score, Sir, our plans have already been made." she quipped unable to resist. Perhaps, being back in her home county was bringing back the obstinance in her.

Quicker than she thought him capable the heel of his boot came down on her foot and his hand came around her throat, not hard enough to mark her, but with enough pressure to hold her still.

"You will show _me_ RESPECT," he spat. "Am I understood?" when she did not answer, he ground his heel further. "You will answer me!"

"I – I understand." she choked.

He pulled back and just in time, as they turned onto the long drive leading to the Netherfield estate.

"Now make yourself presentable Mrs Collins, you would not wish to embarrass me, would you? After I have been showing you such kindness and generosity in uniting you with your family for Christmas." he jeered, daring her to make a smart retort.

When finally pulled up to the house and Elizabeth alighted the carriage, she was firstly greeted warmly by Mr Bingley and the somewhat cautiously by Mrs Bingley, who hesitated before crushing her in a deep embrace. Elizabeth froze initially, being unused to such affection, but then softened l, hugging her back. They stayed in this position until her husband (Mr Collins) cleared his throat, effectively ending their reunion and spoiling the moment. He instantly began to admonish her, for lack of the correct decorum and making him stand in an awkward fashion stalling him from greeting their hostess.

Mr Bingley, or course rushed to her defence, "No need to worry on our account! It is wonderful to see you again, sister Elizabeth! It has been far too long we have been deprived of your lively spirits!"

When they entered the house, Mr Collins walked ahead with Mr Bingley making the inevitable comparisons to Rosing's Park and not allowing her brother-in-law a word in contribution.

"I am so glad to have you here, Lizzy. It has been too long!" said Jane, from beside her.

Turning, she felt a little twinge in her neck from Mr Collins' _warning_ in the carriage, "It has, thank you for inviting us." she said, finding it hard to dispel her awkwardness.

"But of course, you must know you need no invitation, Lizzy." Jane whispered with a small blush. "The festivities can begin now you are here! Our other guests arrived yesterday afternoon."

"Other guests?" Elizabeth enquired.

"Yes, we have Miss Bingley and Mr and Mrs Hurst as usual. And in addition to you and Mr Collins we have also – Oh! I am being so inconsiderate! You must wish to change out of your traveling clothes, I can introduce you to our guests once you have rested and refreshed yourselves." said Jane, turning and instructing one of the maids to show them to their room.

By some lucky stroke of fate, they were not assigned a room in which they would have to share a bed but were in adjoining rooms. Elizabeth stood by the connecting door, staring at the key still sitting within the lock. At Hunsford Cottage, she had no such luxury as being able to shut her husband out, but here…

Gently she brushed her fingers over the gold key, with the intricately woven brass handle. Did she dare?

Just then a maid bustled in, startling her and making her jump back from the door. the maid offered a look of apology, followed by a curtsey and introduced herself.

"Forgive me, Mrs Collins. I did not mean to startle you." said the maid.

"That is quite all right, Miss?" Elizabeth asked.

"Oh, it is just Hannah, Ma'am. Are you happy for me to organize your bath, or would you rather have one later?"

"Now is fine. Thank you, Hannah." Elizabeth, spoke offering a small smile.

Hannah gave a small nod and then went about instructing the footmen on where to place the copper bathtub, before filling it and erecting a screen around it for Elizabeth's privacy. The maid stayed in the room and began unpacking as Elizabeth enjoyed the safety she provided, to enjoy her first hot bath in nearly two years. It was not that she had not bathed since she became Mrs Collins. It was that her husband only ever let her have his water after him, and it was certainly never hot by the time she got in.

After her bath Elizabeth took a seat at the vanity table and watched Hannah dress her hair and pin it up into her usual style since she married, parted down the middle and swept into a clean and tidy bun. Although, she noticed that Hannah had chosen to pull her hair through the bun to dangle in a single curl adding a softness to her appearance. Her gown a simple, dull blue muslin dress and her worn slippers. Wishing she had a newer pair, now that she knew Miss Bingley was in attendance, she was bound to notice and be only too happy to point it out to the rest of the party.

"Hannah, Mrs Bingley mentioned there were other guests, visiting for Christmas. Do you know who they are?" she enquired, not wanting any surprises.

"Yes, Mrs Collins, Miss Bingley and Mr and Mrs Hurst are here, as are Mr and Mrs Darcy." She said, moving to place the final pin in her hair.

Elizabeth felt her heart plummet. She could handle most things but for that man. Mr Darcy had taken so much pleasure in disliking her family and feeling superior to them in every way. For him to witness how far she has fallen, to see her on the arm of his aunt's pastor was too much! But then why should she care, when the great Mr Darcy or Pemberley had in the end acquiesced to Lady Catherine's demands and married her sickly daughter. The proud Mr Darcy, who thought himself too good for Hertfordshire, had in the end, married for land and money! And so, he was no better than her any how!

A knock on the door frightened her to stand, pushing the stool back into Hannah and catching her unawares. The young maid looked to Elizabeth with a puzzled frown upon her features. Apologising to Hannah, she turned and called for the person to enter. In strode Mr Collins a few moments later and instantly her posture stiffened, and her hands clasped tightly before her, gone was the relaxed Elizabeth from a few moments ago.

"Ah Mrs Collins, I am glad to see you are ready, you know how I despise being late or last to arrive. Come now, make haste." he said, frantically gesturing her out of the door and then looking to the maid, who instantly smoothed her features and dipped into a small curtsey.

When the door closed, Hannah stood stock still and could not pinpoint what it was that left a bitter taste in her mouth or the unsettling feeling in her stomach. She would be sure to watch this Mr and Mrs Collins more closely during their stay.

As they arrived outside the main parlour, they were greeted by Mr Bingley.

"Ah, there you are, now you are here our party is complete!" he exclaimed merrily, completely unaware that the comment he had made so innocently, would make Mr Collins very cross.

"Forgive me, kind Mr Bingley, for keeping your other guests waiting. My dear Elizabeth, it seems, took too long in preparing herself for dinner, but I can assure you it will not happen again, indeed it will not, will it my dear?" he said turning to Elizabeth.

"Indeed. We shall allow other members of the party to have a turn at being the last to arrive, although in turn it does not necessarily mean one is late." she smiled, blandly up at him.

"Oh, I have truly missed your witty comments, and what good fortune that Darcy is here too, for if I remember correctly you and he had many a debate when we all first met – "

"Mr Darcy is here?" interjected Mr Collins. "My good, Sir, why have you only just told me now? How rude he must think me, to be here and…" he blabbered as went, pushing past Mr Bingley and ignoring all other guests as he stormed into the room.

Elizabeth did not bother to offer excuses before following him into the room, to find the guests parted and her husband now bowing profusely at Mr Darcy.

He was stationed towards the back near Miss Anne d- no, she was Mrs Darcy now, looking just as she remembered her, but perhaps not as thin and there was something else… she was wearing colour! Mrs Darcy wore a pale green gown, with her hair pinned up, with a few curls to frame her face. The complete affect rendered her quite pretty.

Elizabeth made the necessary greetings and exchanged pleasantries with the other guests, ignoring their obvious pity and laughter at her in their eyes, before she allowed her gaze to shift to Mr Darcy. He stood much as he did before, not quite part of the gathering, with the his usual haughtier. Observing the room with a combination of attentiveness and boredom. He was dressed as immaculately as ever, the fine tailoring a clear display of his wealth without having to adorn his person with jewels and laces. This evening he wore buckskin breeches, a navy waistcoat, black jacket with the staple white shirt and cravat to accompany them.

Making her way over to them, she was aware of his gaze never wavering from her and noticed that they paused at her feet a fraction longer than the rest of his perusal, before snapping up to meet her gaze, his expression inscrutable. Flushing but still managing to arch her brow in challenge, she dropped into an elegant curtsey, to which Mrs Darcy returned and he bowed.

"Mr and Mrs Darcy." said Elizabeth, by way of greeting.

"Miss – Forgive me Mrs Collins," replied Mr Darcy.

"Mrs Collins, how have you been?" said Anne quietly.

"I have been very well –“

"Mrs Darcy, thank you, for your kindness and concern, to favour us with such a generous condescension.” Cut in Mr Collins, bowing offering a sickly smile, before continuing, “Elizabeth is indeed so very happy with her situation in life, and tells me often how blessed she feels to have captured the attention of a gentleman such as myse -"

"We were sad that you were not able to attend our wedding," interrupted Mrs Darcy, more like Lady Catherine, but perhaps with not as much bite to her words.

"Yes, I must apologise, I had intended to be there –"

"Indeed, she had, but out of deference to you, as she felt a little under weather, I – we thought it best that we not subject you to the possibility of –"

"I am sorry to hear that you were ill," Mrs Darcy interjected once more causing Mr Collins to bring his hand to his lips in an effort to stop his speech.

Mr Darcy stood in shock trying to find any trace of the feisty and outspoken Miss Elizabeth Bennet, but he could not reconcile her with the woman before him. Gone were the rich brown curls that used to frame her face and the tanned complexion from time spent outdoors. She now wore her hair pulled from her face in a severe manner, though it did nothing to detract from her fine eyes, serving to enhance them further, sadly the spark in them seemed to flicker and dim into inexistence. Her skin appeared pale and her cheeks slightly sallow, she was still handsome, but it was as though part of her was missing. Her gown looked old and dreary and she now wore a fichu concealing the creamy expanse of her chest and full breasts, he wondered if they were as he remembered. And then his gaze travelled down and held once more at her worn shoes, his eyes narrowed and his mouth pinched, _surely the parson's salary could afford to buy his wife a pair of decent slippers?_ It seemed his desire for her had not faded after all. Looking to Mr Collins he felt an anger and a jealousy he had not experienced since the last time he saw her at the ball at Netherfield.

Looking up, she caught Mr Darcy move his gaze from her to Mr Collins with disgust, as her husband drew out his already moist handkerchief and mopped at his brow and the sweat now beading upon his upper lip. Mercifully dinner was announced, and Elizabeth was saved from such an embarrassing encounter. _How am I to survive three weeks of this_? she thought with despair.


	4. Chapter 4

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Dinner was quite a pleasant affair, although in Elizabeth's opinion was far too rich and contained too many courses. Perhaps when she was still a Bennet, she would not have found it too opulent, but as it was, her meals of late had been bland and repetitive. Not due to her husband's cruelty, she had lost her appetite and merely ate for nourishment.

The seating arrangements had placed Elizabeth with her husband opposite Mrs and Mr Darcy and Miss Bingley to her right. Mr and Mrs Bingley had decided to sit next to one another at the head of the table as everybody in attendance was family.

The most astonishing thing was the change in Caroline Bingley. Now that she no longer felt Elizabeth to be a threat, she had become quite amiable and agreeable. The conversation had easily flowed, as Caroline talked with Elizabeth over the concept of her gown, kindly saying that in London it is all the rage to wear muted colours. Whether this change was permanent, she did not know but she found that she liked this version of Bingley's sister. Though she did see old flashes of the unpleasant lady she had first met at the Meryton Assembly. Occasionally, Caroline would fail to hide the desire in her eyes for Mr Darcy and though she did attempt to be civil, at times she would allow her jealousy of Mrs Darcy to show on her features. It brought on a stirring of sympathy in Elizabeth.

"Mrs Collins, I wonder –"Mrs Darcy began, with a small gesture accidentally tipping her glass over.

Elizabeth quickly caught the glass, before there had been too much mess created and saved the lady's dress. Looking up she caught Mrs Darcy's gaze trained upon her wrist, a quick glance revealed that her sleeve had ridden up and though, Elizabeth had not noticed, her husband must have grabbed hold of her wrist in his anger and injured her. Snapping her hand back she unfortunately poured the contents of Mrs Darcy's wine into her own lap.

"Mrs Collins!" admonished her husband, throwing daggers at her and rushing over to apologise to the Darcy's.

Elizabeth noticed however, that Mrs Darcy kept glancing at her and had no doubt notice her pallor and tugging at the sleeve of her dress to keep her wrist hidden. While Mr Darcy, tried to reassure an agitated Mr Collins. Under normal circumstances the evident irritation and the darkening of Mr Darcy's countenance as he gave Mr Collins a set down would have amused her, but she could only feel her embarrassment and shame.

"Oh, Eliza your dress and your slippers!" exclaimed Caroline, "Do not fear, I shall pass it onto my maid, she is very adept with tough stains." she said kindly dabbing at her skirt.

"I thank you, that would be very much appreciated. Please excuse me I think I am tired from our journey and shall retire for the evening." Bobbing a quick curtsey Elizabeth, did not look to anyone and kept her eyes trained on the door ahead. Once she made it to the door, she could not restrain herself further and ran in a rather unladylike fashion to her room, her blood pounding in her ears.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Elizabeth still stood stock still in the middle of her bedchamber. She had positioned herself with her back to the door, her fear immobilising her. Her breathing quick and shallow as she tried to think about every possible way her husband would deal with her embarrassing scene at the table. In the early days of their marriage when they had stayed away from home it had been for one night to attend Jane's wedding. There had been no cause for Mr Collins to rage at her. Would he do so now? The house was full, but it was a big house which was sure to have properly insulated walls…

_Click!_

She did not have to turn to know her husband had entered her chamber. The scent of his cloying musk cologne and the foul stench of his breath overwhelmed her, with the sound of his heavy panting from his exertion from climbing the stairs reached her ears. Bracing herself and stiffening her spine, Elizabeth turned to face him. He shocked her then by beginning to laugh, but the maniacal glint in his eye did nothing to calm her and she altogether stopped breathing when he walked towards her and hugged her.

Mr Collins held her in his arms for less than a minute, before his ire got the better of him and Elizabeth failed to return the embrace.

"Is this the thanks I am to get Elizabeth?" he hissed, gripping her shoulders painfully.

"I am just not used to this... _form_ of affection from you, Sir." she whispered, placatingly.

"You are questioning my affections as your husband. In the eyes of God, you are mine to discipline into obedience as I will it! Your mother and father have done you such a disservice in your rearing, it is disgraceful and could be called abominable!" he spat, spittle coating his lips.

"No, I am not questioning your motives or affections, but I am questioning my choice in husband, as I know I was raised to know better!" she replied, her anger flashing in her eyes.

Elizabeth knew she should not reply so, but she could not allow this man to disrespect her family! If she were to think back to the proposal and the day, she had accepted it… she had visited her father's study as she had done every morning.

"Ah, there you are, my Lizzy. And how was the ball? Did Mr Bingley stand up with Jane countless times and did you get to dance with the dashing Mr Wickham? he had teased.

Elizabeth had replied with a playful scowl, and so he had gravely added, "Please my dear, I do not care to hear any more of the lace on Mrs Hurst's gown!"

She giggled and said, "You are correct in your assumption of how Jane and Mr Bingley spent their evening, however, Mr Wickham had not been present. It is a shame, for if you had been there it would have made my evening much more pleasant."

"Hmmm.." Mr Bennet had replied, somewhat distractedly.

"Papa? Is something the matter?" she had worried.

"Having my cousin Collins here does make me think on my life and all the wrong choices I have made. I had been so sure I was going to have a son and so never made any attempt in saving well and providing for your futures after I am gone. I have failed you, my Lizzy. And my disappointment in myself is crippling, but it is too late for anything to be done now." he had admitted.

For the first time Elizabeth had seen the man and not her father, who was her hero and capable of anything. He was human and he had erred gravely.

"Forgive me, Lizzy! I should not burden you with my self-pity. I fear your mother's nerves are finally rubbing off on me and I felt my head ache yesterday afternoon and worried I was gravely ill, but look at me this morning; fit as a fiddle!" he said, standing and offering his arm, "let us go into breakfast and allow your mother to take centre stage!" he smiled.

"Papa,-" she had tried.

"Forgive me, Lizzy. Forgive me."

And so, Elizabeth, had stopped seeing Mr Collins as their silly relative and their saviour. By accepting his proposal, she would secure her families future and do her duty! Her father had looked so sad and downtrodden, she worried for his health having never seen him thus. Vowing that she could and would do this for himself her family, she would ease his suffering. It would have been easier to bear had her sister not hidden her engagement, but for reasons known only to her she had done so.

But, Jane had not and now she stood watching Mr Collins take a step back and shaking his head. Suddenly lunging for her and shoving her forcefully into the vanity beside her. With a sharp cry, she pitched forward her stomach connecting with the tables edge, before she crumbled to the floor gasping for breath.

"Mrs Collins?" Elizabeth heard a young girl gasp. Hannah must of heard the commotion.

Mr Collins straightened from towering over Elizabeth and turning to Hannah, spoke in light, even tones.

"Mrs Collins, I am afraid, has overindulged a little, as you can see." he said, pointing to the state of Elizabeth's dress as she tried to sit. "She seems to have fallen in her state!" he said and exited the room through the main door.

Once the door had clicked shut, Hannah rushed to help her stand. Taking extra care to help her ready for bed, neither woman spoke, and Elizabeth was grateful for this small mercy. She was also grateful that Hannah stayed longer than necessary, busying herself with little tasks about the room until we heard the rest of the party retiring. And then a little longer still, and Elizabeth knew the young maid, was hoping if she stayed long enough Mr Collins might tire and go to sleep.

When Hannah finally retired Elizabeth found it impossible to sleep. Sitting in the dark of the room, upon the edge of her bed and staring fixedly at the key in the adjoining door. She failed to notice the room brighten with the sunrise and only found sleep for the last few early hours in the morning after the sun had risen.

Elizabeth had not waited for Mr Collins, before heading down to breakfast the next morning and had been right not to, for he was already there eating a big enough portion for two!

"Morning," she greeted the Hursts and took a seat next to her husband, but not looking at him.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her ribs bruised and aching with her movements. They broke their fasts in silence, which was not so uncommon as the Hursts were not talking either.

A short while later she was pulled from her thoughts when Mrs Darcy, placed a gently hand on her forearm.

"I did not mean to startle you," she said, gently. "I was asking as to how you are feeling this morning, but you did not seem to hear me."

"I am miles away this morning, Mrs Darcy, I apologise."

"Please call me Anne," she said, with a delicate flick of her wrist.

"Then, you must call me, Lizzy or Elizabeth." she replied.

"Lizzy, it is! Are you feeling recovered from your journey, this morning?" Anne asked, as Mr Darcy joined them.

He placed the plate of food in front of his wife and poured himself a coffee and Anne a tea. Then gesturing with the teapot to Elizabeth's cup pulled it a little toward him and topped it up before taking his seat. Without thinking Elizabeth reached for her cup, pulling her arm back as she fought against wincing from the pain in her side.

"My apologies," he said with a frown and leaned to move the china closer to her, all the while Elizabeth was aware of Anne's watchful gaze. She had never considered Anne de Bourgh to have her own thoughts or have an awareness of a world outside of Rosing's Park. Anne Darcy, however, did not miss a beat and Elizabeth knew she was beginning to put the pieces together about the state of her marriage to Mr Collins.

Mr Bingley entered next without Jane, claiming Mr Darcy's attention and when he turned away, she thought the moment forgotten. Self-consciously, she looked to her right only to find Mr Collins' seat vacant. _When had he left?_

"It is just you and I, Lizzy," Anne whispered conspiratorially, keeping her tone playful, but the meaning behind it was not so.

"And how was your journey, Mrs Da- Anne," she said.

"It was pleasant enough, but Pemberley does sometimes feel as though it is in another country entirely! But Fitzwilliam, does fuss over me," she said, with a pointed look to her plate.

"Goodness, that is just for you?"

"Yes, he is always trying to fatten me up! When he only partakes of coffee in the mornings," she said chuckling.

"I would never think, Mr Darcy capable of fussing." She teased.

"You'd be surprised, he can actually smile on occasion," Anne teased, "you are not hungry, Lizzy?"

Elizabeth looked to the table in front of her and realised she had not fixed herself a plate of food.

"I am, I…"

"Good, you shall help me. There is far too much here for me, alone." said Anne, taking Mr Darcy's plate and cutlery from him.

"Thank you, Anne. It is a good way to not create waste," she said, and tried valiantly to eat more than a few mouthfuls as they conversed about the weather and the state of the roads. Every now and then, Anne would say something, and Elizabeth knew the lady was trying to gain her trust and be a friend to her. "I wonder where Jane is?" she asked finally.

"She is with Charlie, he has begun to crawl and is quite a handful!" said Bingley, upon hearing her query.

"Oh, we must make time to meet him today. If that is agreeable with, Mrs Bingley?" asked Anne, gently.

"But, of course, I suspect you are eager to meet him also Elizabeth? Jane tells me how fond you are of children." Bingley said in his usual cheerful manner.

Elizabeth could only nod her head dumbly. She had forgotten to even ask after baby Charlie! What her life could have been if she had not married, she would be at Longbourn now and she would have known Charlie all his life and been here for his birth. As sister's, she and Jane had always talked of their futures. Elizabeth had always joked at being the spinster aunt who would teach Jane's children to play their instruments and embroider cushions very ill!

It seems, all her thoughts were these days, were of what could have been's…


	5. Chapter 5

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 5**

An hour later, Elizabeth found herself with her new friends Anne Darcy and Caroline Bingley in the nursery with her sister Jane and baby Charlie.

Elizabeth tried, but found it hard to commit fully to the charade she was unwittingly apart of and it seemed, neither could Caroline. Elizabeth had to work hard to stifle a chuckle at baby Charlie currently dangling, at an arm's length from her face. Caroline kept throwing desperate looks to all of them, clearly uncomfortable with being so close to the infant currently gurgling bubbles through his wet lips. In a way it was comfort to know that she had not changed completely from the woman she had known before her marriage.

And, though, she was loathed to admit that she was growing fond of Anne, she was grateful to have her as a buffer between herself and Jane. Elizabeth remained relatively silent in her seat, not because she had an aversion to baby Charlie, but because she was unsure as to her capability to be able to hold the child if given him. As she has dressed this morning, her whole right side of her torso was black and blue, due to her husbands violence towards the previous evening.

Elizabeth had always wanted children of her own and each time her husband came to her she prayed his seed would not take root. If she could avoid it, she would not wish to ever carry her husband's child, but that was due to the man as an individual; not all men or children. Then, as she had begun to relax and feel as though this meeting might pass without incident, Anne became weary and left. Caroline had seen this as her opportunity for escape and offered to accompany her back to her room.

Elizabeth and Jane sat apart, both women, now so far from the close sisters they once were sat, gazes averted and a suffocating silence stretching between them, with only the small child's even breathing as he now slept in his mother's arms.

"Lizzy -"

"Jane -"

They said, speaking at the same time.

"No after you –" they both spoke once more in unison, before falling into silence again.

"Lizzy… I need to tell you how very sorry I am," said Jane, moving to sit beside her, still cradling charlie, "I have not known how to approach you. When I saw you step down from the carriage, your unhappiness overwhelmed me. I allowed myself to believe we would naturally have grown apart now that we were both married, but I can see how i have failed you and how unhappy you are. Lizzy, I have been too wrapped up in myself and my own happiness and I... oh Lizzy –"

At once Elizabeth stood cutting short her Jane's speech, "Please, do not call me Lizzy, for she is not I anymore," she said walking to the door and looking back, said, "Congratulations on your current felicity, Charlie is beautiful."

As she was travelling back towards her room in the guest quarters, her thoughts in turmoil over her sisters attempt at an apology. Jane could apologise from the comfort of her home, not three miles from Longbourn with a husband who adores her and a beautiful baby boy. Her anguish began to palpitate in her chest as she began to feel the walls closing in on her and short of breath. Leaning on console table she cried out at the sharp pang of pain in her ribs and immediately pushed away and stumbling into the closest room, she began to pull at the neck of her gown and loosen it from her shoulders.

Holding onto her side to try to mute the pain, she began to gasp unable to catch her breath when she felt a hand upon her shoulder. Screaming, Elizabeth fell to the floor and began to scurry away, her fear making it impossible to discern the figure of Anne, slowly moving towards her and trying to calm her. She knew it was not Mr Collins, but she still felt threatened and muttering, "please do not touch me, please, please," she managed to gain her footing and run and somehow get back to her own room.

"Mrs Collins? Ma'am?" a startled Hannah exclaimed upon seeing Elizabeth's panicked state as she entered the room.

Hannah had been arranging her few gowns so that she could see the options for dinner this evening.

"Mrs Collins?" she said uncertainly as Elizabeth moved towards the adjoining door and reached for the key. The key that was no longer there.

"No!" Elizabeth gasped. "Where is it?" and then turning to Hannah, "Where is it?"

"Ma'am, it all right –"

"No, you do not understand, if he has it I will never be able to calm myself, I -I – I cannot breathe," she began gasping again in earnest and clutching at the wide eyed young maid.

"Mrs Collins, the key has been _lost."_

"Lost?" repeated Elizabeth, not certain what the young girl was trying to get across to her.

"Yes, I how curious for them to find themselves missing, I am sure they will reappear after Christmas." She whispered softly.

"How curious indeed." Elizabeth breathed, starting to return to normal, "Forgive me, Hannah and thank you for generosity and kindness."

"Of course, Ma'am," the young maid curtseyed and then went about completing her tasks.

And then, Elizabeth remembered Anne! She had been so frightened, and she would surely tell Mr Darcy of her odd behaviour. She would have to go to her and speak with her directly and make sure she keeps this between them. Although, however much she and Mr Darcy did not get along, she knew him to be no gossip.

* * *

Upon approaching Anne's, she heard voices from within, the deep and unmistakable baritone of Mr Darcy reaching her ears. Creeping forward slightly, she tried to make out what they were speaking of, but she was not close enough. And so, she tread lightly hoping the floors held no hidden creaks when she put her weight too heavily upon her injured ankle and ungracefully stumbled into the room, to find Mr Darcy gently kissing Anne's cheek.

He straight when he saw her, but did not move to greet her, he simply bowed and took his leave. As she looked after his rigid back, she felt her mortification flame across her cheeks.

"Elizabeth, please do not be embarrassed. Would you sit with me a moment?" Anne's gentle voice said.

Mutely nodding Elizabeth moved to the chair she assumed Mr Darcy had been occupying.

"Now, I know you came her with a purpose…?" she nudged.

"Well, yes, I – that is I wanted to apologise for my behaviour. I know that you had quit the nursery due to your fatigue and now it seems I have intruded upon two private moments…" Elizabeth trailed off.

"Oh, do not worry over Fitzwilliam, and you were not interrupting. You seemed quite frightened when you first came here. Was there anything I might help with that startled you?" she tried.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to answer but could not find the appropriate way to begin. Sensing her difficulty Anne took pity on her.

"Forgive me but I must confess, I was not feeling as fatigued as I had led you all to believe…," she said leaning forward conspiratorially. "I have heard from my husband of the closeness between yourself and Mrs Bingley when you were both at Longbourn and was just trying to offer you a modicum of privacy."

"Oh." said Elizabeth, shocked that she and Mr Darcy had discussed her and her family. No doubt he was saying something leaning towards the negative. "Well, the truth is we are not as close as we once were, but then when we are living so far apart it is a natural consequence I suppose.

"It is a sad truth." Said Anne, as they fell into silence.

Elizabeth staring mutely at the fire, but aware of Anne's eyes watching and assessing her. She did not know whether she would want the lady to figure her out or stay ignorant… turning she caught Anne's gaze and held it.

"I would ask a small favour of you… do I have your word that you will not tell anyone of the state in which I entered your rooms earlier?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes of course, I –"

"If you have told Mr Darcy, can I trust his discretion? I know he is not overly fond of myself nor my family –"

"I see you feel that my husband has not given you a true impression of his character. I say this not as his wife, but as someone who has known him all his life. He is not a bad man and if I had told him, he would not be so cruel as to gossip or even make you aware. That being said, he does not know, and he will not know. I will say one thing, I know what it is like to live under a controlling hand. Perhaps not in the same ways as you and please do not deny it," Anne said, holding a hand to still Elizabeth's rebuff, "Fitzwilliam did not marry me out of duty, he did so to save me and give me a better quality of life and for that reason I cannot allow you to think so little of him."

Elizabeth could do little but nod at Mrs Darcy's vehemence. Muttering a small thank you she rose to leave.

"Elizabeth."

"Yes, Mrs Darcy." She said turning back to Anne.

"I am not cross with you, and I will always be someone whom you can come to, should you need me." She smiled weakly and began to cough a little, "Therefore I insist you return to calling me Anne."

"Thank you, Anne."

How could it be that such a taciturn man, proud and disagreeable could be capable of such tenderness and warmth. True, when she had first met, she could not see what Mr Darcy would have seen in her, but then had assumed he had just been doing his duty. Was Anne correct? Was he capable of such feeling to marry his cousin so that she might have a better quality of life? It was enough to make her head ache. Looking at the small clock on the mantle in her room, she realised she decided she would take luncheon privately and return to the rest of the guests for dinner. Mr Bingley had mentioned at breakfast, that they would be having some card games and music for their entertainment.

* * *

Dinner once again was far too extravagant for Elizabeth, but she was learning how to conceal how much she left on her plate for each course. Occasionally when her husband was not looking, she would put some of her food on his plate. He did not seem to notice and continued to guzzle it down.

Afterwards, found herself watching from the edge of the room, rather than partaking in the card games. Even before she married, she had not enjoyed such entertainment, but even if she had, she had no money. _I wonder, should I be so lucky that my husband might suffer a fall or a heart attack and then I shall have my freedom._ Elizabeth thought bitterly as she watched both Mr Bingley and even Mr Hurst give their wives ample coin to play with. _It would be a good revenge; her mother and father would not have achieved their aim and Longbourn would be entailed to some other male relative._

"A shilling for your thoughts…"

Looking up startled, she saw Mr Darcy had moved to stand beside her. His expression as inscrutable as always. He stood tall and elegant in his dark blue superfine perfectly tailored across his wide shoulders and chest, silver brocade waistcoat flat against his abdomen. Beige pantaloons fitted long and muscular legs above highly polished black Hessians.

Not in the mood to play the dutiful wife, and especially not generous enough to spare Mr Darcy any awkwardness she answered him honestly.

"I was thinking of death," she said bluntly.

Elizabeth could not understand why she kept acting so out of character, but there was a new fire that kept lighting within her stomach. She felt as though she were coming alive and even felt a stirring of hope being back in Hertfordshire. Which was folly, she was alone as she was in Kent, but there was a liberation she was beginning to feel having formed a friendship with Anne and Caroline. Both women fierce in their own way, seemed to be having a marked effect on her.

"Everybody dies," just as bluntly.

"Well that is very... well I have no expected a comment so blunt, even if you have demonstrated on many an occasion, your cold and unfeeling manner." She said turning to face the card tables

"But then it was not I who was thinking of such an inevitable and morbid topic."

"Inevitable?" she questioned.

"Death it is the one thing that one can take comfort in. It is something we all have in common. It is a humbling thought is it not?"

"I would not say it was something that most would take comfort in, Mr Darcy."

He chuckled softly and Elizabeth found herself quite liking the sound, "I find it still shocks me that death has the ability to scare and surprise people. It is an inevitability of all species on this godly earth."

"What a horrible way to think of life. Waiting for it to end." she said, looking at him once more.

"On the contrary, it is what makes life worth living, and also as disagreeable as it makes me, it is what makes me not do anything I would not wish to do." he shrugged, and then holding out a closed fist, he gestured with a small nod to her free hand.

After a brief hesitation, she held her hand out, palm open and watched as he dropped a shilling into her hand. Looking back to his face puzzled, she watched mesmerised as he smiled and revealed two dimples on each cheek.

"For your thoughts," he said, before taking his leave of her.

And there it was again! The hope now scorching within. She knew she should not keep the money, but she would keep it hidden away for when she needed it. Elizabeth did not know how, but she would escape! People may call her Mrs Collins, but that was someone she would never be. She was Elizabeth Bennet, precocious, intelligent and resilient. If her maiden self were to look at her now, she would think who she had become an insult. Never would Elizabet Bennet have bent to any mans will! Mr Darcy was correct; life was too short to be something or someone you are not. She might have to suffer a little longer, but she knew one thing for certain, she would not be going back to Kent after Christmas!


	6. Chapter 6

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**  
_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

The next morning, Elizabeth and a few other guests had decided to take the carriage to Meryton, stopping a short distance before their destination to stretch their legs a little. The ground was crisp, and the air had a bite to it. Snow had not yet fallen but it would not be long until it did, and Elizabeth could not wait. She had always loved playing in the snow as a child and always caught a cold for continue to play long after her clothes were sodden and freezing.

She smiled wistfully to herself and bit at her bottom lip, the knowledge that her life would very soon change putting a spring in her step. It was an especially pleasant morning as her husband had not deigned to join them but had instead decided to stay indoors, most probably penning comments he wished to sermonise over at dinner. Caroline and Mrs Hurst had chosen to stay behind, as had Jane because Charlie had been unwell during the night, and she was till abed.

"You look different today, Elizabeth. For the better I would say," said the voice of Anne Darcy, as she and Mr Darcy caught up to her.

Elizabeth threw a pointed look at the lady's husband, before speaking.

"Yes, I believe the journey took far more out of me than I had thought. Are you well today, Anne?" She asked politely.

"I am very well, thank you. Fitzwilliam allow us a moment of privacy, please. We ladies do have things to discuss that private to our sex." she teased.

"I can assure you I would not wish to intrude. Some things should be left shrouded in mystery." He teased back.

Nodding to Elizabeth, he removed his scarf and placed it about Anne's neck.

"Stop fussing! I know my own limits," said Anne rolling her eyes.

"Hmmm, I am not so sure... let me know when you are ready to return to the carriage," he said gently and with that he picked up his pace and joined Mr Bingley and Mr Hurst, who were a little way in front.

"He is very concerned over you comfort," said Elizabeth.

"Yes, I can see it surprises you. I know he can come across a certain way and I know he is not everyone's cup of tea… but as I said yesterday, Fitzwilliam is a good man."

"Please, do not feel as though you need to defend him at every turn. I meant it as a compliment, it is nice to witness." Elizabeth rushed to say.

Anne held up her hand, "I can imagine you are feeling on the way to liberation, as I once did when Fitzwilliam married me and took me from Rosing's Park. I know that your situation is something you do not yet feel comfortable to discuss, but I assure you that your secrets would be safe. You have no idea how freeing it can be to speak the words out loud, until we do, we cannot be helped…" said Anne, with a knowing glint in her eye and slowing her pace a little.

Elizabeth looked up to find Mr Darcy openly assessing her, before he turned forwards once more.

"You are very kind, and though I cannot speak of it now, you have helped me more than you can know already." She said quietly.

"I would like to say, that we all wear a mask, Elizabeth. I have learned a skill from Fitzwilliam, ' _Silence reveals the dishonest man,'_ it is something he said when questioned him on his quiet nature. As well as the masks he and I wear, I fear your sister is also wearing a mask that is slipping and threatening to break." said Anne in hushed tones.

"Jane? Why should she be unhappy? I do not understand…"

Anne then looked pointedly to the back of Mr Bingley, Elizabeth followed her gaze, but still could not understand.

"I will not say anymore, but it must not have escaped your notice of how little time they spend in each other's company and when they do, they barely exchange two words."

Elizabeth sighed, and after a brief hesitation spoke honestly, "I am sorry Anne, but I am not certain you will like what it is I am about to say. Why should I help a sister, who for the sake of her own happiness allowed me to marry a man such as Mr Collins? It is a selfish point of view and yet I feel no guilt over it." she said, looking back to stare at Mr Bingley, walking ahead.

"I am not asking for you to forgive what has passed between you and Jane, nor am I asking you to forget. Love, I believe can be intoxicating and I know she had done you a great wrong. I truly believe this is no excuse for poor judgement or ill treatment, but it is better not to hold a grudge. We have to at some point accept that we cannot change the past, and work to build a better future."

"I believe that is easier said than done, Anne," said Elizabeth.

She had thought of her family with every moment and held onto her anger, if she didn't do that what else would she have? How could she forgive that they did not come for her or keep her from sacrificing herself? And after such a sacrifice, to not care for her one whit!

"Well, most things are, I am afraid. I am not telling you to do anything you would not wish… it is just, I had my spirit smothered since my youth and it made my body frail and my mind weak, now I cannot undo the damage to my body and it frustrates my mind no end. I was medicated and bled almost daily and I simply awaited death, this has only partly changed. I do not mean to preach, but you need to decide how to let go of the anger it festers and corrupts the soul."

"You have overstepped, Mrs Darcy. I know you mean well, but what you experienced was terrible, but it was done out of a misguided love. It is clear after what I have experienced at the hands of my family and closest sister, there was no emotion of that kind involved."

And with that she walked away. She could feel Mr Darcy's eyes burning into the back of her head as she walked back the way they had come. it grated on her that he was always watching her so intensely, as he done when they had first known each other. It bothered her even more that she could not shake her awareness of Mr Darcy. It was not the same as the awareness that her husband inspired, she could not yet define what it was, but she wanted it to stop.

Her mind then strayed back to her conversation with Anne... ' _You must find a way to let go of your anger._ _'_

Maybe she was correct, but it was not her place to lecture her. Anne did not suffer at the hands of a violent toad of a husband! No, she had the most disagreeable man in England running about after and making sure she was comfortable. 

”Ha! What masks could the possibly have to wear?” Elizabeth muttered to herself.

Her steps mirrored her anger and unseeingly Elizabeth allowed her feet to carry her back to Longbourn, only realising her mistake when she stood upon the top of the hill to look down at her old home nestled less than a mile away. It looked exactly as she remembered it, the chimney smoking a little unhealthily, with red ivy climbing the left side of the house. A light flickered in the lower left window; her father's study. He was no doubt in there reading a book and if Elizabeth were still at home, they would be sharing a joke or discussing philosophy while Mary sung very ill, Kitty and Lydia would be bickering and Mama complaining of her nerves to Jane and Mrs Hill.

Only now she questioned everything. Had her father really been mocking her all along and she had been unaware? They had made such sport of laughing at others, lording their intellect over them, when she had been the joke all along. Her family had most probably carried on as they always had and not even noticed her absence…

Though she had vowed never would she allow herself to show any weakness ever again. But in this moment in time she had complete solitude and so, for the first time in more than a year, Elizabeth allowed herself to feel her emotion and she stood there and wept. Gut wrenching sobs had her collapsing to the floor and rocking herself in a soothing motion.

* * *

Before dinner, Elizabeth sat at the vanity table having her hair styled in quiet contemplation. There were a few worries plaguing her; the first being that her husband had yet to discover that he could not enter her rooms through the adjoining door, but then he would feel no compunction of entering from the hallway. The second; what had Anne been trying to tell her of regarding her sister Jane? Surely she could have no worries in her current situation in life…

Thirdly; There was still something bothering her about her conversation with Anne, an undercurrent she couldn't quite decipher. The more she thought about it the more she wondered at her relationship with Mr Darcy. It also confused her in the manner in which she broached all conversations. It was not nice to always feel at a disadvantage, to feel as though you were missing something most important. After she had calmed herself and cried all her tears, she had made her way back to Netherfield in complete calm. Barely cognisant of the cold or the pain in her ribs and knew that Mrs Darcy was only trying to help, her advice just seemed impossible to attempt. Had Anne really been able to let go of her anger after being robbed of living her life by her mother? Then she thought more over Mr Darcy's actions and the way he watched her. Anne, surely did not miss many things that went on around her (something else which made her quite intimidating) what would she think about his stares? Had Anne told him of the abuse she suspected? Why had Mr Darcy given her that coin? Had it simply been so that she could join in the fun and games? Or did he expect something in return…?

And finally; the rest of her family from Longbourn would be joining them for dinner this evening.

"There, all done." said Hannah, breaking her from her reverie.

"Thank you, Hannah. You have done a wonderful job as usual." she complimented the young Abigail.

"I -"

A knock on the door silenced them both and Elizabeth held her breath as Hannah opened the door. When she saw it was Caroline who entered, with her feathers fluttering in her intricately styled hair, she sagged a little in relief.

"Eliza, you look very well this evening," she said, taking in her appearance and when her gaze lowered to her feet and saw the visible wine stain, she exclaimed, "Goodness, you cannot wear those tatty things! I am so glad I thought to look through my things from last season, here."

Elizabeth laughed when she saw the beautiful silk slippers with pearl clasps upon the straps.

"You are very kind Caroline, but I could not poss - "

"Pish! Of course, you can. I shall speak to Charles directly about giving you a little pin money, you are one of his sisters now after all. I know it is not normally how things are done, but your husband is clearly not up to the task."

"Caroline, I -"

"Caro, please!" she then turned to the maid and thrust the shoes at her, clicking her fingers towards Elizabeth's feet.

Elizabeth looked to Hannah but saw the girls smile and knew she found the situation funny and not offensive. Elizabeth, also knew that she would need a little more money so that she may travel to London to stay with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner until she could find a respectable position as a governess with a good family.

"There, now! That is much better!"

"Caroli – Caro, are you certain this is all right?" Elizabeth asked, her voice trembling a little.

"Eliza, it is not as if I have given you diamonds," Caroline chuckled.

"Well, it feels as though you have. I thank you, Caro."

"Elizabeth, I have learned my lesson long ago that us women have to stick together. Enough of this, let us go downstairs and after dinner we shall try to outplay each other on the pianoforte." she said, breaking the seriousness of their conversation.

"Well, now that is hardly fair, I have not the tuition that you have."

"Yes. I know." said Caroline with a wink, as they left Elizabeth's room, arms linked and gossiping, she felt ready to face her father.


	7. Chapter 7

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Just as Elizabeth went to place her foot on the first steps, do descend with Caroline to the drawing room, the sound of Mr Collins clearing his throat stopped her in her tracks.

"My dear, Mrs Collins! You would abandon your husband?" he said with a sickly-sweet smile and coming towards her.

"We cannot possibly allow, Miss Bingley, to arrive alone," she retorted, making no move to got to him.

He paused a fraction, in shock at her lack of compliance. Reaching for her arm he tugged her towards him. Elizabeth let out a startled gasp of pain at both his grip and the pang in her ribs, which she tried to muffle by clearing her throat.

Miss Bingley's eyes narrowed as she moved towards Mr Collins.

"How fortunate you are, Sir. You may have the privilege of escorting not one, but two ladies to dinner this evening, Mr Collins," Miss Bingley said.

And without waiting for the gentleman's reply, placed her arm in his and delivering a blow to his ribs with her elbow.

"Ouff," grunted Mr Collins.

"Oh, I do beg your pardon," Miss Bingley said, with a smirk. "Shall we?"

"Of, of course," he replied curtly.

Elizabeth, feeling bolstered by her new friend's support, lifted her foot and brought it heavily down upon her husband's boot.

"Gah!" he squealed.

"Oh, dear! Caro, we are all clumsiness this evening." Elizabeth exclaimed.

Elizabeth knew she would probably regret her boldness later, but it had felt good to make a small stand against her ogre of a husband. Sharing a small smirk with her new ally, they walked with a slightly unsteady Mr Collins, to the drawing room.

However, her triumph was short lived… when they entered the drawing room and Caroline had gone to speak with her sister, Mr Collins leaned into her and whispered,

"I will visit you tonight, my dear. I fear you begin to forget yourself," he said menacingly, then turning to the room began his profusions and comparisons to Rosing's Park.

Elizabeth paled, but managed to force herself to walk further into the room and busy herself with pouring herself a modest glass of wine. Taking a few deep breaths, she took a sizeable gulp of the rich, dark liquid to calm herself. Looking up her eyes instantly connected with Mr Darcy's.

Most would look away when they had been caught staring, but not him. His stare continued to pierce through her and then it struck her, the reason he had always made her uncomfortable was due to the knowing in his gaze. He always made her feel naked and vulnerable, all her insecurities seemed to float to the surface and yet she could not look away.

The door to the parlour opened and their guests from Longbourn announced, forcing them to break their connection.

"Mr Bennet, Mrs Bennet, Miss Catherine and Miss Lydia Bennet." announced the butler to the room.

Then she saw him; her father. Standing as he always did, in his simple attire and book in hand, with a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. Following Mr Bennet, entered Mrs Bennet whispering trying to stop her sisters squabbling over something of little consequence. _Where is Mary?_

The younger two had not changed greatly, Kitty was the same as she had always been, her slender frame slightly taller than Lydia's. Lydia looked changed, but Elizabeth could not pinpoint what it was that was different by looking at her alone.

"Lizzy!" said the two youngest, noticing her and rushing straight towards her excitedly. Elizabeth did not fail to notice the look of surprise cross her father and her mother's face… _so they had either not known she was there or were shocked to see her new plain appearance and severe hairstyle,_ she thought.

Taken aback by their genuine enthusiasm to see her, she failed to return their smile, flinching slightly when they both enveloped her in a hug.

"You look awfully thin, Lizzy." exclaimed Lydia.

"We have missed you!" said Kitty, wiping a tear away, "we thought you would write us, btu you did not respond to any of our letters-"

"Your letters, Kitty. For I have been too busy to write letters after it became clear you would not invite us to stay with you. But Lord, Kitty still writes to you fortnightly," said Lydia rolling her eyes.

"And why should I not?" Kitty responded hotly.

"Girls, calm yourselves, I have missed you too," said Elizabeth, shocked that she meant it.

Blinking back the tears, she realised that her husband had kept more from her in his attempts to control her, than she had been aware. _Perhaps Papa had done the same…_ she thought. Sadly, that thought was immediately squashed when she looked back to her Papa only to find he was refusing to look at her. Instead her mother and plonked herself in the seat closest to the fire, next to Jane and her father, was sipping at some port and laughing with her husband. _He was not demanding to know why he had not received word from his daughter or for her poor appearance!_

"Oh, but why have we not heard from you at-"

"Lord, I should not want anyone to see me with such a husband! Can you really blame her?" cut in Lydia.

"I am sorry, Kitty," she said, hugging her sister once more. Kitty had always been so sweet and soft-hearted. Always carrying an innocence in her countenancewhich Lydia never failed to take advantage of. She was a little surprised to see that the relationship between the two was strained. There was an undercurrent to their bickering that had not been there before…

Looking about the room, she noticed that everybody else was involved in their own conversations to have seen her emotional state nor her parents lack of acknowledgement. But at the last moment before she looked back to Kitty, Mr Darcy looked up and offered the smallest of smiles, before turning back to Anne and assisted her to stand and she realised dinner must have been announced.

After dinner, the men and women separated, and Elizabeth knew it was childish, but she consciously sat apart from Anne. Their conversation and the hurt were still too fresh. She had sat next to Caroline and Kitty, who was glued to her side. It did not matter that the rest of her family were acting in cold and different manner towards her, when she felt so wanted and loved by Kitty. _These few days had turned all of her preconceptions of friends and family upside down._

* * *

She had learned that Mary was at home, having suffered a strong headache since yesterday after being out too long in the cold. Elizabeth found herself wishing it had been Lydia and not Mary who had taken ill. She sat watching Lydia speaking loudly and behaving uncouthly.

"But, Jane, why would you put little Charlie to bed when you knew we were to visit," Lydia was saying hotly.

"Oh, Lydia, it is for the best! You will see him next time," said Mrs Bennet, fanning herself.

"I do not wish to wait! I want to see Charlie now!" said Lydia standing.

"Lydia, it is late for a child to be up. Now, do not make me call for father-"

"But I will not wake him. I shall simply go and see him and then leave," she whispered pleadingly.

"Lydia." Came the stern voice of Mr Bennet from the doorway.

 _How peculiar… why should she be so desperate to see little Charlie?_ Elizabeth thought, looking to Jane who was looking studiously at the cup and saucer in her lap.

Turning to offer a smile to her father, he avoided her gaze and turned to Mr Bingley, saying that he would be in the library as he required some solitude. And then he was gone!

The blood began to pound in her ears as she sat frozen staring unseeingly at the doorway. She did not notice the conversation resume around her, nor the other gentlemen coming to sit with them. Failed to hear Mr Collins ask her where she was going as she stood and walked away. She did not see Mr Darcy's look of concern as she nearly walked into him, in her haste to follow after her father.

Entering the library, she found her father, illuminated by the roaring fire, helping himself to a finger of Mr Bingley's Brandy. He did not acknowledge her, but she knew from his movements and the set of his shoulders that he knew she was there. Turning to face her, he lifted his hand that held his book level with his face, but still refused to meet her eye.

"This is the only copy left in the country of St. Irvine in Latin. As you know I have always enjoyed gothic horrors." said Mr Bennet

"I remember everything I thought I knew about you. Perhaps had I paid better attention, the gothic novels may have been a clue to your true character." she said, barely concealing her ire.

"Perhaps," he said, sipping at his brandy.

"I hate you," she hissed.

He looked up at her then, finally.

"What is it, you want from me, Mrs Collins?" he spoke, and she flinched at his address.

"To know why?"

"There are many answered to such a question. You will have to be more specific."

"Why did you allow me to marry so beneath me, in intellect and in station!" snapped Elizabeth struggling to remain calm.

"You bitterness is hardly appropriate and this is not the time nor the place-"

"COWARD!" she yelled, cutting him short, "I look at you and see a spineless excuse for a man. A man who locks himself away with a book and his spirits for company. Extolling witty remarks at everyone else's expense, rather than take his place the man of the house and protector of his children. You papa are the biggest disappointment in my life. You tell me that I have become bitter and try to dismiss me, but you will hear me and understand this is all I have managed to retain of Elizabeth."

"Sadly that is the way of the world. I do not understand why marriage has changed you as it has. This is every woman's progression in life. You have a roof over your head and food in your stomach, do not be so ungrateful," said Mr Bennet clenching his fists in anger.

"How dare you! You know why I am the way I am you simply choose not to acknowledge it. My body is pathetically weak against my toad of a husband, but I will never relinquish my mind to that foul beast. Not I will not remain quite to appease any man's guilt and most certainly not yours. That is your punishment for your failings as my father. You married me off to a man we mocked and laughed at together, a man you knew I could never grow to respect or even tolerate! A man who is deemed ridiculous by all those who have met." Elizabeth turned away from him and walked to lean against the wall, clutching at her waist to stem her sobs.

"All those years, you must have truly hated me I see now that my worth was simply another amusement for you to discard. ' _For what do we live, but to make sport for our Neighbour's, and laugh at them in turn,'_ I now understand you included me in this comment! Tell me what your plans for Kitty, Lydia and Mary are?" she demanded rounding on him once more.

Standing suddenly, Mr Bennet pointed an accusing finger at her, "You chose this! You accepted him and said you wanted to do what was best for this family and give Jane her chance with Mr Bingley," he roared.

"But I did not know! I was ignorant of Jane's engagement, which you were not. I was innocent of what a husband can subject his wife to, when and however he wants," she came towards him.

Mr Bennet held up his hand to stop her, "You have said enough, my child. Quite enough."

"How could you? I thought you were the only person who understood me and appeared to reward me for my precocious nature and quick wit! Even Jane, has abandoned me in her felicity," she sobbed her hand clutching at her abdomen.

"I shall leave you to collect yourself," he said, resisting a moment before her, but then moved around her and left her.

After a few minutes, Elizabeth collected herself and moved to pour herself a generous amount of brandy, before gulping it down and choking against the burn. Then noticing her father had left his pretentious book behind, moved over to it and ran her fingers over the cover. Suddenly the anger came flooding back and she spitefully tore out the last chapter and threw it into the fire and watched them burn.

"I will, look to him no more. He cannot give me what I seek." Elizabeth whispered to herself, her eyes blurring as she gazed unseeingly at the flames.

A short while later, as servant appeared to retrieve her father's book.

_Coward!_

And she realised she must have been gone longer that she had intended. It would not do to displease Mr Collins tonight. Elizabeth shivered at the thought and threw back another brandy, before departing the library. When she had finally made her way back to the other guests, she found her family had already departed and so excused herself and made her way unsteadily back to her chamber. The journey took longer than usual, due to her drunken state and she had needed to stop on more than one occasion in order to stop the path before her tilting off balance.

Stumbling into her room, with a hiccough and dismissing Hannah, Elizabeth crawled onto the bed and closed her eyes… suddenly she was pulled upright and thrown to the floor by her husband. _How much time had passed?_

Trying to stand she caught the scent of his overripe breath and stumbled backwards, colliding with something, but did not feel it as she should. _Perhaps she ought to drink on an empty stomach every time her husband intended to visit her,_ she thought with a small chuckle as she took in her fat and excessively sweaty husband. His greasy hair clinging to his neck and cheeks, as he watched her dissapprovingly.

"You show lack of respect to you betters, Mrs Collins!" Mr Collins spat holding her jaw.

"But you have not earned my respect," she slurred, with drunken giggle.

Elizabeth felt herself being grabbed and let out a cry of pain as her husband's fist connected with her stomach. It took her half a minute to breathe through the darkness encroaching on her. Clutching onto her husband's night shirt, his foul sweaty stench enveloping her, Elizabeth felt a wave of nausea wash over her, making her bottom lip quiver… and then she vomited.

"Ahh!" gasped Mr Collins in disgust and pushing her away.

He raised his hand to hit her once more, but before he could land his blow she doubled over and was sick all over his feet. Collapsing to the floor, she heard her husband muttering his repulsion and loathing as he stormed from the room, slamming the door in his wake. Elizabeth managed to clean herself off as best she could from the water basin in the room and then climbed into bed still dressed and allowed sleep to claim her.


	8. Chapter 8

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 8**

The next morning Elizabeth slowly awoke and scrubbed at her eyes groggily, finding it difficult to grasp her bearings. Groaning she struggled into a sitting position as the room began to swim before her and a rancid taste lingered in her mouth, as she looked down and noticed that she still wore the gown from dinner the previous evening. Suddenly everything came flooding back with overwhelming clarity.

"No!" she gasped, her hand covering her mouth, as her head swam from the liquor in her system.

 _Had she lost her senses? Only someone lacking in sense would behave so rashly, antagonising her brute of a husband!_ And then another thought, the small voice of the old Elizabeth added; ' _It was worth it to see the look of horror on Mr Collins' face after she had vomited across his person… twice!'_

Standing and looking to the window, Elizabeth could see that the sun had barely risen in the sky, she would go for a walk to collect herself. The cold winter air should shock her from her current haze and the lingering fog of alcohol. She quickly changed her clothing herself and performed her morning ablutions without the assistance of Hannah, back in Kent she was not allowed the luxury of a maid and found herself out in the morning air and wandering down towards a small copse of trees.

She spied a bench nestled closely between two trees which would work to keep her hidden and made her way towards it. Once seated her attention was caught almost immediately by two squirrels frolicking in the trees before her and she watched with focus as they travelled higher and higher -

"Mrs… Elizabeth? May I join you?" said the gentle tones of Anne Darcy.

Elizabeth looked up, a fresh pang of guilt settling in her stomach, "Forgive me for treating your friendship and kindness, coldly." she said, moving to allow her friend a seat beside her.

"Do not worry yourself over it all, I am made of stronger stuff mentally at least," Anne smiled.

Elizabeth cast a look around, "You are alone?" she said when she could not see Mr Darcy.

"Yes," Anne chuckled with a knowing gleam in her eye.

"He does show a great deal of concern for you. It must be nice to be loved and cherished in such a way." Elizabeth could not fight the sadness that crept into her voice.

"We are not in love, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth's head snapped up in shock, her eyes wide and she struggled to find the words to speak next.

"But – but, you and he are so… and I have seen the way Mr Darcy -"

"There is no need for such shock, Elizabeth. We are companions more than anything else." Interjected Mrs Darcy, taking pity at her friends stammering.

"Forgive me, I had made an assumption based upon appearances alone," confessed Elizabeth.

"Is that not what we are all guilty of? Fitzwilliam made an impromptu visit to Rosing's a few years ago and I believe his intention was to dispel my mother's notion of mine and his joining in matrimony. Only, he came and found me in an unguarded moment and decided to take pity on me, in my pathetic state. He set me free you see… will you speak to me so that I may give you such a powerful and freeing feeling?" Anne said, placing a gentle hand upon Elizabeth's resting in her lap.

"Forgive me, but I feel it would not be appropriate of me to share such details if you and Mr Darcy do not have a true marriage…" she trailed off uncomfortably.

"I am afraid I must shock you once more, Elizabeth. I am Fitzwilliam's wife in every way."

"But, how… my apologies it is not my place to ask such intrusive questions." Elizabeth mumbled blushing, both at her forwardness and a little jealousy, but she did not understand why she felt the latter.

"You must stop apologising when you have not done anything wrong. Darcy did his duty upon my request, I wished to know what it meant to become a true woman and wife. I had never thought I would marry and to know what married ladies whispered about at their book clubs etcetera. I was in no way pressured to do so, but I confess quite scandalously that I pressured my husband and made it impossible for him to refuse. I also wanted to give myself to the man responsible for my freedom. We mustn't tell Fitzwilliam that," she said with a pointed look at Elizabeth.

"You have my word," she promised.

"Fitzwilliam has allowed me small pleasures I have never before been able to indulge and I know I should not have asked him to make me his wife by asking him to claim my body. I have since learned the special care he took to preserve my life in granting me my request; he could not have... well there are ways to perform the act without it resulting in child and I believe I gave him quite a fright afterwards. In true Mr Darcy fashion, he scolded me beyond measure once I was recovered and yet still managed to be kind. The reality is that no surgeon, apothecary or any person of their profession has given the same diagnosis, but they have all predicted the same end. I learn to be grateful that the last years of my life are with such a kind person, he seems stern and harsh, but though he does not love me, he is caring and good. Sometimes I hate him for it. He bears my tempers and the limits of my body, with kindness when needed. But does not fail to deliver a set down when that is needed too," Anne chuckled.

"I am sure he is more than capable and dare I say it, probably quite enjoys giving a set down to woman. I myself have shared many an argument with your husband and he is very fixed in his views of accomplishment and exacting in his standards," Elizabeth knew she was speaking churlishly, but it was not fair that Mr Darcy is turning out to be the best of men and her Godly husband was the devil.

"Very true, but he holds himself to those same standards and it can be infuriating! Though, you'll be surprised to learn he is quite forward thinking and controversial at times," Anne said, eyes twinkling, before shuddering cough escaped, "Elizabeth do not feel you need to tell me the particulars, but it _is_ intimately that your husband takes out his frustrations upon you, yes?"

Elizabeth gave a disjointed nod, before changing the subject, "Please, let us head back in doors, I would not forgive myself if you caught a chill," said Elizabeth beginning to rise.

"I will on one condition, now that I know what your husband subjects you too, you will allow mine and Mr Darcy's influence to help in any way we can…" she said, her gaze unwavering until she seemed pleased with what she saw in the depths of Elizabeth's.

They walked back to the house in silence and Elizabeth held her tongue to the question swimming in the forefront of her mind; _Did Anne suffer, because Mr Darcy had been rough with her? Anne had not dissuaded her of that notion only that if your husband cared for you, he would go elsewhere to seek his pleasures…_

Her attention was brought back to reality as Anne began to lean a bit heavier upon her arm and sounded a little breathless. Looking about for help, she spied Mr Darcy rushing towards them, as he swept his wife effortlessly into his arms.

"Now what have we discussed about knowing your limits?" he said softly in Anne's ear, making the lady chuckle, "Do not fret, this is usual for Anne's weakened state, a few moments by the fire and -"

"And some of Mr Bingley's brandy and I will be right as rain," cut in Anne.

"Hmmm, you are aware it is still early in the morning?" he teased, as they all resumed their walk back in doors with Elizabeth beside them. _How is it that this does not feel uncomfortable? I feel as though I belong as an extension of this couple..._ Elizabeth thought to herself.

Once back in doors Elizabeth's stride faltered as dread flared in her stomach as she heard her husband's inane and grating voice permeating through the house. Swallowing the bile forming a lump in her throat, she squared her shoulder's and lifted her foot to move towards the breakfast room when Mr Darcy's voice halted her steps.

"Anne has asked me to see if you would like to join us for breakfast, separate from the rest of the guests?"

She turned to look at him, oddly finding that for the first time his scowl seemed to have a softer edge and his eyes were not so accusing, though his features still held a hard and impenetrable control and authority to them.

"That would be most enjoyable, I thank you." she said accepting his offer.

Elizabeth knew she could hardly fall lower in Mr Collins' estimations after last night and would be sure to receive severe punishment regardless. _Therefore, why not allow herself a little more of the light, before she was to be subjected to the darkness?_

She followed Mr Darcy into a separate parlour she had could not remember seeing before, to find Anne sleeping in front of the fire with an empty tumbler of brandy next to her.

After a few moments a small selection of breakfast foods were arranged for them and they both helped themselves in silence to the offering, with Mr Darcy making a small plate and a larger plate for his wife. Most shockingly the larger plate was for his wife and not himself. He gently tried to wake Anne, but she batted him away and dozed off once more.

She watched as he picked at his food and sipped at his coffee, staring into the flames licking at the coal's opposite. Taking comfort in his diverted attention she continued to stare at the austerity of his profile, he carried himself with a barely leashed power and strength that left her trembling. But the source of such a reaction was not made of fear, it was what she assumed to be desire. He was a man with plenty of flaws and faults, but he did not apologise for them, nor bend to what society expected or wanted of him. No, he only did what was his duty to the ones he cared of, not the opinions of those whose company he neither needed nor wanted. An unexpected admiration for him began to expand within her chest and her stomach clenched in quiet contemplation.

Turning suddenly, Mr Darcy's gaze snared hers and turned molten. How had she never seen the desire in his eyes? The way he looked at her, his gaze intense as it caressed a path from the top of her skirts to her gifted slippers, always thinking he was laughing at her. _Was he a skilled lover? Did he hurt his wife? Was that what all men did and why her father did nothing to save her_? She blushed fiercely shocked at the path her thoughts had taken.

But then, she knew with absolute certainty Mr Bingley could not be one of those men. No, even now the way he looked to his wife with such adoration, showed his gentle nature and yet he was still capable of hurting his wife. Not in the way she was accustomed too, but he had wounded her sister's heart greatly _. Are all men to be tainted with such a coarse stroke?_

"Do I dare ask, what has made me the recipient of such intense study?" asked Mr Darcy, in his usual way.

"I am merely reflecting on the behaviour of men and of my meeting with my father, last night… I am sure you are not unaware that it was not a pleasant reunion." she said, bravely voicing her opinions, with perhaps the only person she could. Odd that it was Mr Darcy, she felt she could be the most honest with, though she did steer clear of the topic of Mr Bingley… for the time being at least.

He gave a small nod before looking away and into the fire once more, for a while she feared he would disappoint her and not give her the challenge of a debate she desired, when he finally spoke.

"I believe that family and friends will sometimes look away because it is uncomfortable to gaze upon another's pain. It is not easy to relate to something when you have never encountered it before. How can one offer words of compassion if they do not truly understand your pain?” Said Mr Darcy as he levelled her with a look at his question.

"When we last spoke, you made a bold statement on how death makes you not feel pressured into doing anything against your will…" she said defectively.

"I did." He replied.

"Surely that is a statement only a man, whose circumstances reflect that of your own can make? I doubt there can be very few men that can boast the same luxury and even fewer women."

"If you were to take my statement literally then that would be true. But there is always a grey area. True my life allows me certain freedoms however, there are many in higher or lower stations in life than my own, who have freedoms that _I_ envy." He said.

Elizabeth snorted.

"You do not believe me, but there are many responsibilities and expectations on how I should live my life. Therefore, I abuse the luxury I have in not having to be pleasant or befriend those I do not wish to."

"Yes, your life has not been an easy one," she sneered.

"Forgive me, but I am not sure what I have said to cause offence?" he said puzzled.

"You have spoken of hardships and yet you have the ultimate freedom of only keeping the company of those you wish to! You are allowed to be selfish and do things as they please you." She snapped.

"I assure you that is not the case. It could be argued, that often one must do things that have little meaning to them but will make another's life worth living. It is why there is are so many words to demonstrate acts of kindness and love in our language, and then translated to all other dialects."

"Yes, but you do so for your own selfish gain! You cannot always have what you want."

"I do not share very easily or show a great deal of emotion. Emotions are messy and complicated. I believe happiness to be a matter of chance."

"How very telling," she snorted.

"Caring is not an advantage."

"I beg to differ!"

"As is your wont." Mr Darcy replied calmly

"Indeed."

"Which in turn is also very telling."

"And, what pray tell, am I supposed to say to that statement?" she huffed.

Their argument was cut short, however as Anne chose that moment to awaken from her slumber. Though, from the glint in her eye, Elizabeth had a sneaky suspicion she had been awake all along. _What could her motive be for trapping her and Mr Darcy in conversation?_


	9. Chapter 9

**_*This story is copyright protected ©._ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 9**

A short while later the sound of commotion drew Mr Darcy, Anne and Elizabeth from their quiet breakfast and out into the entry hall.

"WHERE IS MY NEPHEW," bellowed the unmistakable boom of Lady Catherine de Bourgh's voice.

"Your Ladyship, you honour us greatly, with your superior - "

"You will bring him to me at once!" Lady Catherine demanded, paying no heed to the drivel spewing forth from what must be Mr Collins.

Elizabeth froze just out of sight, as she registered who the voice's belonged to. However, Mr Darcy deposited Anne at her side and continued his confident stride forwards towards his Aunt's domineering tones.

"But of course, your renowned eminence. Please, allow me to assist- "

"Be silent! Fitzwilliam, where have you been?" cried Lady Catherine upon seeing Mr Darcy.

Elizabeth and Anne inched forward quietly until they could see Mr Collins slightly bent at the waist with his hands at his mouth, as was his way of silencing his litany of compliments as he retreated a few paces. Further on, they could see Mr Darcy stood proud before her ladyship.

"Well?" Lady Catherine asked in agitation.

"I have been here Aunt." Mr Darcy replied calmly.

"And when were you going to tell me of such an arrangement? Do we not, always spend Christmas together?" she said, punctuating each question with a clash of her cane echoing from the floor to the walls.

"We wrote to you and informed you of our intentions. I assumed that is why you have come in all your state to Hertfordshire?" he responded, maintaining his usual calm.

"Do not be obtuse, Fitzwilliam, you know how it irritates me." She scolded.

"Lady Catherine, would you not prefer to sit and partake of some tea?" Elizabeth heard Jane say.

Though she could not see her sister, she assumed that most would have gathered to observe this spectacle.

"Really nephew? You would prefer to mix with those tarnished by relations in trade!'

"Lady Catherine, you forget in whose home you stand." Mr Darcy warned.

"I know all about the Bingley's and the Bennet's. At least one of them made a fortune by such a stain to their lineage!" sneered Lady Catherine, giving Jane the cut direct.

"Lady Catherine, I have a great friendship with your nephew, but I will not tolerate such rudeness towar-"

"ENOUGH! I am not come here to speak to any of you! I am here because I had to find out from my parson as to the where abouts of my daughter. I hardly know what to make of such treatment." she said dramatically, her laces trembling with her barely concealed rage.

Elizabeth watched as her husband squirmed under the marked scrutiny of Mr Darcy, unable to hide the satisfaction she felt at watching him cower from a real man, "I would expect nothing less from such an example of blind devotion." Mr Darcy drawled.

"Tell me, why you have taken it upon yourself and see it is best to keep my daughter from me?" Lady Catherine hissed, doing her best to intimidate Mr Darcy, though, her stature was nowhere near his impressive height.

"I believe, that as her husband I hold more authority over Anne than you do, Aunt."

"Blast," muttered Anne startling Elizabeth, who had forgotten she was stood beside her. “I will have to intercede before they come to blows.”

Watching wide eyed, she saw Anne straighten her spine and make her way to Mr Darcy's side. Upon seeing Anne, he offered his arm and looked back fractionally, his gaze connecting with Elizabeth's and offering a barely perceptible nod, before returning to face the dragon before him.

She wanted to go into the fray, but if she did, she would be forced to stand beside her wretched excuse of a husband…

"Mrs Collins! There you are, I have been searching high and low, indeed I have! Lady Catherine de- "

"I said be silent!" snapped her ladyship tersely.

Immediately Mr Collins brought his hand to his lips but motioned frantically for Elizabeth to join him. Already in his bad graces she acquiesced and moved to his side, shivering in revulsion as she took his arm and he placed his damp sweaty hand over forwards, she saw Mr and Mrs Bingley, stood to the right of her ladyship, with the rest of the guests gathered behind them. Lady Catherine was wearing her usually dark and muted tones, adorned with laces and feathers. Her rows of pearls strung across her neck at different lengths and layers. The feather woven into her ladyships hair, was trembling with her rage and displeasure, her lips pinched and her eyes narrowed upon her weathered face, as she stood fiercely ready for battle.

"Well mother, here I am. What is it that was so urgent you believed that you needed to insult our hosts in order to speak with me?" said Anne shocking those present. Only Elizabeth could see her increased pallor and the increase of her grip upon Mr Darcy's arm.

Lady Catherine's face held her shock, before her features twisted to show her displeasure as she rounded on her nephew.

"You are responsible for this! No daughter of mine would treat her own mother thus…" she accused Mr Darcy.

"I assure you I am not being manipulated, mother. We received a very generous offer to spend Christmas with our friends and we accepted. It is hardly unheard of." interjected Anne.

"I have been anxious for my daughter and yet my concern is met with disrespect! I am shocked and grieved by such behaviour from my own relatives." gasped Lady Catherine.

Being met with silence, her eyes widened with incredulity.

"Come Mr Collins, we are leaving for Kent at once!" she thundered.

Mr Collins immediately bowed his submission to his patroness and began ordering Elizabeth to arrange for their things to be packed directly. Elizabeth panicked but did not look to her sister for aid, but to Mr and Mr Darcy, who were looking at each other with great intensity.

"My dear, Mrs Collins make haste. MAKE HASTE!" said Mr Collins, using his handkerchief to blot at the sweat gathering on his top lip.

"Mr Collins, I had not had a moment to speak to you regarding a certain matter of much delicacy, but as my wife has become fond of Mrs Collins' company. This morning we asked for a private audience with her and she has agreed to become Mrs Darcy's companion." Mr Darcy, informed Mr Collins in a tone that brooked no opposition.

Mr Collins began to splutter, finding himself at a loss of how to proceed and blissfully speechless.

"You cannot take charge of another man's wife, Fitzwilliam, have you lost your senses?" exploded Lady Catherine.

"No mother, he has not. In fact, he told me of how solicitous Mr Collins had been of my wellbeing, even volunteering Mrs Collins' assistance should I require it during my stay." said Anne softly.

"Mr Collins?" seethed Lady Catherine, turning on the now drenched stammering parson.

"Well, I – I – I…" he stuttered stupidly and looking to Elizabeth who found herself struck dumb and unable to speak or act.

"Well, Mr Collins, I think you'll find that we are more than happy to accept your wife's assistance for the foreseeable future." said Mr Darcy to Mr Collins, before continuing, "Now, I believe my wife is in need of some rest."

"Elizabeth, would you please come and read to me while I rest." said Anne gently.

"Good day, Aunt. We shall see you in the new year." said Mr Darcy as he steered Anne back to her rooms.

"Have a safe journey mother and do write to us to let us know you returned home safely." said Anne, by way of farewell and gesturing for Elizabeth to follow, which she did; her head bowed in fear of what she might see in her husbands eye. The few remaining steps before they were out of sight were torture, she could feel Mr Collins stare burning a hole into the back of her head and jumped when Lady Catherine's temper finally exploded into a cacophony of derisive slurs.

* * *

Elizabeth had no recollection of her journey to Anne's rooms, but found herself ensconced within them in no time at all. Standing stood by the window, she watched in quiet shock, as Anne was seated close to the fire and covered in furs and shawls. Mr Darcy had disappeared through the adjoining door and had yet to return, if he was planning to return. Unconsciously she turned towards the closed adjoining door unblinkingly, not sure whether she wanted him to come back, or stay away, or perhaps she simply held a fear of that ominous door which had for the past two years held her husband on the other side of it.

"My husband has most probably gone to see whether my mother has departed, without leaving too much devastation in her wake- " she chuckled, before her chest rattled with a shuddering cough.

"Forgive my state of shock… I cannot believe he is gone…" Elizabeth gasped as she turned wide eyed to face Anne. "He is gone and yet I am not moved to tears, nor am I hysterically laughing. I am simply as I was…"

"Yes, I felt much the same when I married and left Rosing's Park. Give it time, you will feel… alive again." said Anne, softly.

"Will I? I have felt little flickers of my old self since I have come here, only I am a bitter and angry version of my old self. I fear that is all I am capable of feeling…" Elizabeth said with a small shrug, turning back to face the window.

"Hmmm, you will surprise yourself with your resilience,"

As Anne's voice reached her ears, the knowing tone in her voice stoked her ire once more.

"And what makes you so sure?" whispered Elizabeth working to keep her tone even.

"From my own experience- "

"You have experienced your own hardships I grant you and yes they were of a longer duration… but they were in no way comparable to mine." she threw over her shoulder.

"I did not mean to upset you, Elizabeth. I can only draw from my own experience in my meagre attempt to comfort you."

 _Why was she picking a fight with Anne, after all she had done for her? What is the matter with me?_ Thought Elizabeth expelling a harsh breath and turning towards the hearth.

"Forgive me Anne, I must appear so ungrateful! I am so indebted to you and Mr Darcy for your generosity and quick thinking. You have both saved me and allowed me a reprieve from my miserable existence- " Elizabeth halted her speech as Anne raised her hand to stop her.

"We are friends, Lizzy. I have no doubt if our situations were reversed you would have done all that was in your power to assist me, yes?" she waited for Elizabeth to nod her acceptance, "Good. We will revisit this another time, but only for you to unburden yourself if and when you feel ready. Now I was not lying in needing a companion and I should very much like to listen to you read to me, if you would indulge me?"

Elizabeth laughed and picked up the book placed on the table beside Anne, happy for the distraction. She was certain that distraction is what Anne had in mind when she had asked her to read to her. It would also not be wise to give up the charade before she was certain of her husband's departure with Lady de Bourgh.

 _What difference a day makes? Or even a morning for that matter?_ She thought to herself once Anne had fallen asleep. She looked upon the lady's delicate features. Always having heard how unremarkable they were and yet; though, Anne was pale and sickly looking, she was pretty in a charming way. _I wonder… does Mr Darcy find her feature pleasing or handsome? Is it a hardship for him to stay away? Surely, he must need to produce an heir…?_ Shaking her head to dispel her provoking thoughts of Mr Darcy, Elizabeth moved and began to stoke the fire and prevent a further chill from settling on her new saviour.


	10. Chapter 10

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain_ _references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 10**

A half a day had passed since Elizabeth had stood in Anne Darcy's chamber and watched her husband depart in Lady Catherine's carriage. The footman had barely managed to shut the carriage door, before it had begun tearing down Netherfield drive and out of sight.

_Had it all been a dream?_

In no stretch of her imagination could she have imagined the proud and unpleasant Mr Darcy and his sickly wife would have been the one to come to her rescue. Unable to sit still, she stood from where she had been sitting upon the edge of her bed in her new chamber, placed closer to Mrs Darcy for the purposes of her new position as Anne's companion.

Elizabeth knew she was only the lady's companion in order to free her from her husband's abusive hand and vile temper, which begged the question…

"What happens to me now?" she whispered, still pacing.

Anne did not truly need her and now that Mr Collins was gone, why maintain the farce? They would most likely continue with the charade for their time here at Netherfield, for the sake of appearances. Would they pay her a reasonable wage and offer her a reference so that she might stand a chance of surviving until she could seek a position elsewhere? Or would they simply discard her?

"No, they would not go to such efforts only to abandon me. Why should they help me at all if that was there intent?" she voiced aloud.

A gentle knock on the door jolted her from her whirring thoughts. Calling for the person to enter, Elizabeth froze when she was struck by a frightening consideration, _What if he has come back for me!_ Arrested with her fear she began to tremble, wide eyed, as the door slowly opened to reveal Jane standing her doorway.

"Jane?" Elizabeth gasped, a nervous bubble of laughter escaping.

"Lizzy, I wanted to see how you were?" Jane said, still holding her position in the doorway.

Elizabeth knew she was waiting to be invited in, but she could not form the words, "I am fine, thank you." She replied instead.

"Yes, good. I am glad." Jane said awkwardly.

The both glanced away looking around the room, hoping for the inspiration of what to do next or something to say.

"How do you find your new room?" Jane added uneasily.

"Very well, thank you," Elizabeth replied.

"That is good…" Jane mumbled clasping her hands before her.

Both stood looking at one another, wanting desperately to speak, but not able to be easy with one another as they once were. Neither were ready to apologise or speak of their hurt. Turning to leave, Jane paused with hand on the doorknob and turned to look at Elizabeth over her shoulder.

"I lied before… I – Charles is…" Jane looked away, but not before a tear fell from her eye. Dashing it away with her thumb, she offered a small smile and left.

Elizabeth turned away from the door and made her way over to the edge of the bed and lowered to sit upon it once more. She knew that she should go after her, but she was not a good parson's wife and could not summon the strength to feel any empathy for her sister. After feeling so much for so long she needed this reprieve to simply feel nothing. She would work now to figure out who she had become and what she wanted from this life she had been given. After Christmas she would worry about how she would survive and maintain her independence, but not now.

Due to Anne's fatigue she requested dinner in her rooms and much to Elizabeth's relief, her new duties as companion allowed her to stay with her. The chamber's that Mr and Mrs Darcy had been allocated were spacious and even had a private sitting room, which was even better as it meant they could eat with a bit more comfort. Mr Darcy had attended the dinner and returned just as Elizabeth was leaving Anne's chamber into the adjoining sitting room.

Anne's health seemed to be quite bad the past few days, but she had assured Elizabeth that it was always this way at this time of year, but it was still a cause for concern. Especially for someone such as she who had been fortunate to not have much experience with sickness.

She looked up at Mr Darcy and saw that he was watching her as he often did. Again, she now recognised the desire in his brooding blue gaze.

"Mr Darcy," she said with a curtsey, as she tried to ignore her fluttering heart.

"Miss Elizabeth," he replied, with a bow.

Elizabeth did not fail to notice how he neglected to use her married name. It pleased her that he did not think of her Mrs Collins.

"Anne is sleeping, I fear this winter is being quite harsh on her." she said with concern.

"Yes, the colder climate seems to settle heavy upon her chest, but she refuses to move to warmer climate." Darcy replied, gesturing to the sideboard, "would you like to join me for a drink?"

After a brief moment's hesitation, she accepted a small glass of sherry seated herself on the settee beside the hearth. Once seated, she shifted to face him fully and watched Mr Darcy's tall frame moving with lithe elegance as he folded himself into the armchair opposite, a lock of his dark hair fell across his forehead. Elizabeth's stomach knotted as she could not curb her fascination, watching his strong hands and long fingers brush it back. Her gaze dropped to his, pleased to find that he was looking into his glass and did not see her obvious perusal of his person.

The sat in silence for a while, which was neither uncomfortable nor awkward. Both looking to each other in different moments as they were ruminating over the events of the day…

"Where will you and Anne go after Christmas?" Elizabeth asked Mr Darcy.

"We have not decided yet." he replied.

"You do not have definite plans for London?" she asked, trying to keep her voice level.

If she were to have any chance at surviving on her own, she would need to go to London. Hopefully her funds would tide her over until she found another position. Mr Darcy frowned as he looked at her, before his features smoothed out as understanding dawned.

"Miss Elizabeth, we will not abandon you and nor will we leave you out of pocket. We have not discussed it fully as Anne and I would wish to find out what it is you wanted out of this arrangement."

"Oh?" she replied, arching her brow at him.

"I would have thought, you would like to be in control of your own future for a change." He said plainly.

Elizabeth stiffened at his reply, "What has Anne told you?"

"Nothing of a revealing nature, but it is obvious you wish to be free of Mr Collins…" he said, his head tilting slightly as if the angle would help him assess her better.

"Is that so? Do tell me what brought you to such a revelation," she quipped.

"I would assume it is fairly obvious," he replied.

"I though you of all people would know it is not wise to _assume_ anything, Mr Darcy," came her quick retort.

"Oh, come now. It obvious to all that you despise your husband!"

Elizabeth let out an unladylike bark of laughter, "Is that so?"

"Forgive me but have my wife and I made a grave error in separating you from Mr Collins?" he said, his sarcasm heavy.

Elizabeth's eyes flashed with her anger, "No, you know you have not."

"Then why are we even wasting our breath on such a discussion?" he asked incredulously.

"Because I am trying to understand what has happened! I do not mean to appear ungrateful, but it is not an uncommon occurrence for a man and his wife to fall out of love," she replied.

"And did you?" was his response.

"Did I, what?" Elizabeth replied puzzled.

"Love him?" he said softly.

The room fell quiet as both sat in contemplation of the other.

They continued this way in a tense silence, before Elizabeth finally stood. Instead of standing with her as society dictates all gentlemen should, Mr Darcy simply rested his head upon the back of the armchair and maintained his study of her.

"I am leaving. You will not stand?" she said with hotly.

"No." he said with a quirk of his lips.

Her irritation flared.

"Are you deliberately trying to vex me?" she asked, with a small huff.

"No," he said this time with a shrug.

"I thought you were proper in all things, sir," she snapped.

He considered her words for a moment, "No, not in all things…" he replied, his gaze falling to her lips for a fraction, before his stormy gaze ensnared her once more.

Taking pity on her, Mr Darcy stood, his impressive height towering over her. Elizabeth reflexively took a step back as he performed a perfunctory bow, "Good evening, Miss Elizabeth," he said, humour twinkling in his eyes.

"Mr Darcy," she croaked bobbing a small curtsey.

He moved around her, shrugging out of his jacket as he went. Mesmerised, she watched his muscles bunching and moving beneath his waistcoat and shirt with his movements. Turning he caught her watching him. A shiver ran through at the heat scorching her, through his gaze.

Elizabeth waited expectantly for the fear she felt when her husband looked at her before he pounced, but it didn't come. She waits and waited and so did Mr Darcy. He made no move to approach her, though he could if he wanted to and no one would stop him, not that there was anyone else present to (another thing which _should_ have intimidated her).

Her gaze narrowed as she tried desperately to understand why he would look at her like that and not use his privilege as a man and take what he desired. The longer she looked at him, Elizabeth began to realise that his look did not come close to resembling her husband's. Mr Collins always had a depravity and hard maniacal look in his eyes. More than that, he had a revelry about him and relished causing pain and dominance over another.

When Mr Darcy looked at her, he appeared himself more vulnerable. His gaze held a strong respect and admiration for her. He always seemed to look at her in such a way when she stood up for herself and challenged him…

As Darcy stood there allowing her look at him, it took everything in him to make himself less imposing and keep his gaze and expression unguarded. He knew not what she had endured as the parson's wife, but she was not the Elizabeth he left behind just a few years ago. She was still breathtakingly lovely in visage and her mind was still quick and her wit sharp. However, her essence was dulled and her happiness and jovial spirit nearly extinguished.

Anne had not told him anything other than they must help Elizabeth be rid of Mr Collins. He assumed his wife's emphatic insistence was perhaps a similarity she found between her life before marriage to what Elizabeth now suffered in marriage. He could only sympathise of how she had suffered listening to that idiot Collins' sermonising and prattling on and on. Darcy could not however, linger on thoughts of marital relations and hoped that she had been fortuitous in that her marriage resembled his with Anne, only in that instance it would be the husband being unable to perform. Looking away and pouring himself another drink, he shook his head to dispel the image he had just conjured.

"Is there something else you wished to ask me, before retiring?" he asked, more in an effort to distract himself.

"I am just trying to make you out Mr Darcy," she answered.

"You are still trying to sketch my character? You mentioned the very same thing when we danced together at the ball held here," he teased.

"I thought I was a good judge of character, but clearly I was wrong…" she replied.

Turning back to face her, he asked, "And why do you think you are not a good judge of character?"

"If you had asked me even this morning, I would not have said you were capable of teasing, Mr Darcy!" she teased.

Darcy smiled at the reminder that the old Elizabeth Bennet was still beneath her sad and worn façade of Mrs Collins.

"But you must not tell anyone," he said leaning towards her a little conspiratorially, even though they were still some distance apart.

Elizabeth chuckled at that, the sound foreign to her ears and pulled at her still sore ribs. But it felt good to do so after so long.

"Well, I really should be going Mr Darcy. Thank you for sharing a drink with me. I shall leave you to your solitude," she said, dipping into a curtsey and leaving before he could respond.

Elizabeth went back to her new room and allowed her new friend; Hannah to ready her for bed. As she rested her head back on the pillows a noise outside had her sitting upright and alert. It took Elizabeth a moment to realise she was in a new room.

There was no adjoining door…

Mr Collins was no longer at Netherfield…

And even if he were to come back, he would not know which room she had been moved to…

But just to be certain she moved to place a chair behind the door as there was no key in the lock. This way should anyone enter she would here the chair legs scrape across the wooden floorboards. Once back in bed she looked up at the canopy.

"All will be better in time," she said to herself.

Breathing a sigh of relief Elizabeth closed her eyes and drifted in a nightmare free sleep. She did wake a few times at the odd noise or movement within the house, but, for the first time in two years she felt truly rested when she awoke the next day.


	11. Chapter 11

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_A/N: I am sorry I have been aways for so long, it was not my intention. This year has been difficult and I have struggled to feel inspired since my last chapter. I hope this one does not disappoint and I will be posting weekly form this point on! Thank you for all your continued support and wonderful reviews._ **

**_HAPPY NEW YEAR AND BEST WISHED AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU ALL! X_ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _Be advised that t_ _his novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have, I adore them and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 11**

After Elizabeth had departed Darcy had stood transfixed and staring unseeingly at the door she had disappeared through. The sudden chiming of a clock, signaling a new hour startled him from his reverie.

_Damn._

He cursed himself inwardly, shaking his head to dispel his distraction. He had not behaved as he ought to. He had been far too familiar with his wife's new 'companion'.

"What are you planning Anne?" he mumbled to himself as he moved to sit beside the fireplace once more.

Tugging free his cravat he released a heavy sigh and looked at the flames. Anne had begun her crusade to rescue the former Miss Bennet since their first night at Netherfield. No marriage was perfect, and all involved more sacrifice than compromise as he knew first-hand. But as Darcy sat holding his tumbler of brandy against his temple, he could not still his mind.

_What wickedness and torment could have changed Elizabeth from the spitfire she was into such a smothered and submissive woman?_

The initial shock when he first beheld her slight frame and severely styled hair… he had barely recognised her. He had thought of her always as the finest and most challenging woman if his acquaintance. Thinking of her more often than was appropriate. The vision of her at the Netherfield ball with flowers and jewels glinting her luxurious chocolate tresses, forever seared in his conscious mind. To this day the smell of fresh cut grass and roses only served to bring her to the forefront of his thoughts.

Instinct had him observing her at every opportunity, but her behaviour and temperament were too unpredictable and changeable for him to create a clear picture. So, distracted he had been with helping Charles with his failing marriage he hadn't realised the severity of the situation before his Aunt had descended in all her magnificence!

It had all fallen in to place when Mr Collin's had issued instruction to his wife to prepare their things for their immanent departure. It was blindingly obvious then from Elizabeth's panic-stricken face and ashen colour what the cause of her drastic change and erratic behaviour. He knew from the sinking pit in his stomach and at Anne's refusal to discuss this situation in detail that the young lady had experienced some form of abuse.

_What gives any man the right to abuse those in his care!_

He thought angrily!

Darcy did not take kindly to bullies and would be sure to make Mr Collins aware of that fact when they next met. He knew it was not his place to get involved in another man's affairs, but for a man to verbally or physically abuse a woman –

An unholy rage rang in Darcy's ears, drowning out all other thoughts. His grip tightened around the tumbler in his hand and he knocked back the drink in one and stood moving across the room to open the window and breathe in the night air in order to cool his temper. He stood with his fists clenched at his sides. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the chilling night air, his anger being replaced by guilt and shame at his failings.

It had been easy to convince himself with the distance that his infatuation with Elizabeth, was driven purely by carnal lust. Then after his marriage he allowed himself to believe the cause of his continued thoughts of her were due to his unconventional marriage. He would never disrespect his wife in taking a mistress and so he deceived himself into thinking his enchantment with her, was simply wanting someone who had not returned his interest or to put it plainly _wanted him_.

Then, when Elizabeth had attached herself to Mr Collins and married quickly, he had felt triumphant. Triumphant that through her misguided pride and prejudice she had been forced to settle for the hand of that bumbling idiot!

_Fool!_

Darcy braced his hands on either side of the open window and hung his head. The guilt was almost unbearable, he was arrogant and conceited. His bruised ego had caused him to feel things he was not proud of, but he would never have wished something so sickening upon any living soul.

Opening his eyes slowly, he acknowledged the feelings he had held at bay for these years. He’d lived had breathed her since he had parted from her on the dancefloor. He loved her, but her rank within society did not allow him to put any merit behind such feelings. His father and his family had always told him the importance of the Darcy name. Never had he allowed himself to forget his duty and the example he had to set for his sister, Georgiana.

Closing the window, he moved away feeling exhausted and took himself to bed. That night he fell into a fitful sleep, full of vivid images and his own failings.

* * *

The following two days passed in blissful tranquillity. Elizabeth had been given the freedom as Anne's companion to do as she pleased during the mornings. She had rediscovered her love for long walks before breaking her fast. Breakfast was something she and Anne would share together alone in her bedchamber. As she and Mr Darcy occupied separate rooms the door would be left ajar to signal that Elizabeth could enter. Afterwards she would venture to the library or spend some time with Caro.

_Who would've thought I would call her pleasant company, let alone a friend!_

_  
_Elizabeth snorted at the thought.

Then in the evening's she would have dinner with the entire party. After which, she and Anne would often retire early and partake in some sherry or port together. Mr Darcy always allowed them their privacy, which both pleased and displeased Elizabeth, though she could not identify why…

Mr Darcy would always appear at the end of the evening to carry Anne to her room, which always caused Elizabeth to blush. She knew Anne had mentioned that they did not have that _sort_ of marriage, but they must kiss and hold hands. Elizabeth did not linger on such thoughts for they brought on such longing and dare she admit it, jealousy towards her new friend.

This morning, however, fresh snow had fallen during the night and Elizabeth had never been able to resist being the first to print her boot in a crisp blanket of snow. Dressing in her warmest grey muslin dress and a fur lined cloak and gloves, that Anne insisted she use whilst at Netherfield she rushed out into the crisp refreshing morning air and walked to the hilltop where she could watch Longbourn for a short while. She had then walked towards the Lucas' in order to enquire after her dear friend Charlotte, only to be told she was not home. Elizabeth had thought it odd that she had not been invited in but decided that she would call back the next morning. Her breath caught in her chest when she spied Mr Darcy riding a short distance away, as she was passing through the small woodland towards Oakham Mount. Before she could think better of it, she waved to him. Upon seeing her, he altered his course and rode in her direction. Elizabeth's heart leapt and thudded as she waited for him to reach her.

Her wore a rather becoming royal blue great coat over his usual black jacket and waistcoat, making the blue of his eyes take on an entrancing crystal quality. His buckskin breeches drew the eye to his powerful thighs straddling the great black stallion and down to his calves encased in expensive leather hessian boots.

"Miss Elizabeth," he said, dismounting.

"Mr Darcy, you are up early. All is well I hope?" she enquired slightly flustered.

"Yes, Anne is well I thank you for asking. I saw that it had snowed during the night and could not resist a gallop before breakfast."

"We have that in common, sir. I have always loved the snow," she said, in breathless wonder.

"Would you care for some company on your walk, or are you seeking solitude?"

"The company would be most welcome," she replied with sincerity, "As long as your horse does not mind being robbed of his exercise?" she teased.

"Forgive my lack of manners!" said Mr Darcy, in mock gravity, "Miss Elizabeth, allow me to introduce you to Falcon. Falcon, please make the acquaintance of Miss Elizabeth,"

The impressive beast was completely black and at least 17 hands tall.

"I am pleased to meet you, Falcon," she said, gently reaching her hand out to stroke the stallion's neck.

Falcon whinnied and made Elizabeth jump away and snatch her hand back.

"Manner's!" admonished Mr Darcy, "I am sorry, if he startled you,"

"No need, I have always been uneasy around horses, which is perhaps why I am such a keen walker," she said.

Mr Darcy offered Elizabeth his free arm and the turned and began to make their way back toward Netherfield.

They covered the walk in companiable silence, though Elizabeth's mind was far from quiet. Her chaotic thoughts refusing to be silenced as she turned and studied his handsome profile.

It appeared that Mr Darcy embodied a wealth of contradictions. His proud bearing and gentleness spoke of his goodness of character and moral standing, even though at times could be severe. Yet, his tall stature and powerful physique commanded any room and boasted of an unleashed authority of a man capable of defeating any opponent with ease. His intellect justified his serious and haughty mien, though she had not seen so much of that in him this time around. Elizabeth shivered as she thought of what it would be to have such a powerful man provide and care for you. Her gaze dropped to his muscular thighs as they moved and tensed with his steps and blushed scarlet as her gaze moved unintentionally to the fall of his breeches.

_Goodness me!_

She needed to stop giving into her curiosity. It was not so much that she wished to jump into bed with Mr Darcy. She did not know whether she would ever grant any man such privileges again… but there was an insatiable curiosity to know if all men held such _tendencies_ as her husband and more importantly she wanted to know what it meant to be loved.

Her entire life she had believed that her family had loved her. But they had all forsaken her it seemed. All except her youngest sister Kitty. She felt such a shame that she had never given her youngest much of her time when she had still been at home. Everything she had believed to be true had been turned on its head since her marriage and now she found herself watching Mr Darcy and Anne with avid fascination and yearning. It was the only logical reasoning behind her infatuation with gentleman walking beside her, commanding her attention.

"The quandary you are puzzling over, Miss Elizabeth… is it something I might be able to off my assistance in solving?" Mr Darcy said, startling her with his sudden speech.

Recovering herself quickly, she replied.

"I am afraid my answer will disappoint you, Mr Darcy."

"I very much doubt you would ever disappoint me, Miss Elizabeth." Came his reply.

The sincerity and the warmth in his gaze, caused her heart to stutter and her breath to catch. Clearing her throat to mask her embarrassment she looked ahead and focused on the path before them.

"I would not be so sure. I am still sketching you character and trying to figure you out, sir,"

"Ah, that old chestnut!" exclaimed Mr Darcy.

Elizabeth's giggle caught her off guard and sounded foreign to her ears, but it felt good.

"Chestnut?" she blurted as another giggle escaped.

"I do not know what possessed me to say that. I do not believe I have ever used that term before," he said chuckling. His eyes crinkling becomingly at their corners and his dimples on either cheek making an appearance.

The sound of Elizabeth's laughter was music to Mr Darcy's ears. It would be impossible to put into the words the elation he felt at producing an unguarded moment of happiness for her, however short it may have been.

"Indeed." She replied once she had recovered, a small smile still playing on her lips, "I find you somewhat of a perplexity, Mr Darcy."

"Then I am afraid it is my turn to disappoint you, Miss Elizabeth, for I am really not so difficult to figure out."

"I beg to differ, sir!"

"All you need is but to ask that which you wish to know," he shrugged.

"You speak as if it is such a simple matter. Have you no secrets?"

Mr Darcy stopped walking then and turned to face her, halting her steps further.

"Well, now. You did not make it apparent you wished to know my secrets madam." He said his frown severe.

Elizabeth would have been worried, could she not see the mirth glinting in his eyes.

_How had I ever thought him a cruel man before?_

"You should know better than to present me with such a challenge!" she said grinning.

"But if I told you what they are, they would no longer be a secret. Which would make my character a very dull study, would you not agree?" he teased!

_Mr Darcy is teasing me! Again!_

"Hmmm you make a valid point, sir. Touché" she said, "If it does not reveal a secret of yours, may I still be permitted one question?"

"Very well. What is your question?" he replied, a little breathlessly.

For a moment neither spoke, the white clouds of their breaths mingled and danced around them, while Falcon amused himself by rummaging in the snow to find some grass to nibble.

"I would like to know…" she whispered conspiratorially leaning towards him a fraction.

The movement made Mr Darcy lean in towards Elizabeth in the same fashion, loosing himself completely in their beguiling depths. Habitually he breathed deep expecting to find her usual intoxicating scent of rose blossom and the outdoors, instead he encountered a faint citrus smell. It was still lovely, but not the tantalising scent he associated with the woman before him.

_No doubt the parson thought it too costly to give the lady a small bit of luxury!_

Darcy thought to himself working to keep his expression from exposing his anger and upset towards Mr Collins.

"… why do you hate to dance?" Elizabeth asked, bringing him back from his thoughts.

Frowning he replied, "I do not _hate_ to dance,"

"Is that so?"

"It is. I am not confident with new acquaintances and do not have the confidence to converse as easily as some might- "

"But you do profess strong opinions that are not quite so diplomatically voiced as that…" she teased.

"I do," he said incredulously.

"Indeed, I believe Mr Bingley once tried to persuade you to dance and even singled me out as a potential partner…"

He paled, "Oh good Lord! You heard our conversation?" groaned the gentleman, "Miss Elizabeth, I cannot apologise enough! I -“

"So, you see, you have proven you dislike the activity to quite a high degree,"

"Ha! That is not what that proves,"

"Oh?" she replied, arching an elegant brow.

"That, in fact, proves what an utter and complete fool I am!" he said somehow closing the distance between them further.

"Why does that prove you to be a fool," Elizabeth said, trying to maintain an even tone but failing.

"Because, if I were ever given the opportunity again, I would not waste such an opportunity to dance with you Miss Elizabeth," he said, his voice washing over her in a silken promise as he leaned closer still. 

Elizabeth gulped. The smell of a warm slice mixed with leather and something she could not quite name, filled her senses.

Suddenly Falcon neighed and stomped his foot impatiently breaking the moment.

Drawing back and creating some much-needed distance, they both laughed a little awkwardly and resumed their walk-in quiet contemplation.

It wasn't until Netherfield came into view again that Mr Darcy spoke.

"May I ask you a question, Miss Elizabeth?" he asked, with a small frown.

"I believe you have just asked one," she teased looking up at him.

"Why did you ask that question, if you believed you already knew the answer?"

"In all honesty I had not given it much thought…" she shrugged.

"Then it is my turn to have asked a question and be in possession of the answer." He said, giving her a sidelong glance.

She said nothing but looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer.

"I think you have done so to remind me of who you are. Your true character." He knew he was being too familiar but he could not help himself when he was around her.

Elizabeth gasped. Gaping at him they both stopped walking and turned so that they were facing each other again.

_How dare he!_

Gaping at him she grappled to find a cutting remark to deliver to Mr Darcy, when he spoke once more.

"And I can say with all sincerity; it was an honour to make your acquaintance again, after all this time, Miss Elizabeth." He whispered reverently, before bowing and leading Falcon towards the stable and leaving Elizabeth in stunned silence.


	12. Chapter 12

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_HAPPY NEW YEAR AND BEST WISHES AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU ALL! X_ **

_**Dear Readers:** This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_**Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have; I adore them, and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox. xox**._

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Darcy tarried perhaps longer at the stables than was his wont, even taking extra care when changing after his morning ride with falcon, before making his way to Anne's bedchamber for breakfast. Usually, he would break his fast with Bingley and his family in the main dining room, but they had all left for Longbourn as he had arrived back at the house. He knew that he would most probably encounter Elizabeth with Anne, as she spent a large proportion of her day with his wife and he was unsure of the reception he would receive after his parting comment. Unless she he had decided to eat alone...

The expression on the Elizabeth's face when he turned to lead falcon towards the stables was full of astonishment and not surprisingly shock.

_Hell! I shocked myself!_

He thought to himself coming to a stop outside of his wife's room. The door had been left ajar and he could hear both Anne and Elizabeth speaking. Another step and he spied Elizabeth's profile as she sat and listened to what his wife was saying. Her hair and clothing as it were on her walk, he supposed she had limited items for her wardrobe being a parsons wife. The next thing he noted was that her expression seemed slightly detached and sad. Not being able to see Anne without entering the room, his step faltered, and he hovered still unnoticed by Elizabeth.

Suddenly assailed by a deep guilt at his behaviour –

_Flirting. You were flirting you dolt!_

The thought caused Darcy to flinch and shake his head in an effort to dispel his shame. Chastising himself he began to back away, choosing instead to go to the library and reflect on his actions. He had always prided himself in his iron control over his emotions and actions. Always acting with restraint and decorum as was expected of his station and family connections in society. There were no excuses, and it would go no further! Perhaps he might of convinced himself that he were acting in aid of the lady's comfort. It had never been a secret that she felt uneasy in his presence and they had a history of disagreeing. But, if that were true and he were simply trying to put her at ease... why did he feel such guilt?

He had chosen to marry Anne and in doing so made vows before God almighty and their community and he would not break them.

Drawing a deep breath and correcting his posture, he spun on his heel and strode confidently to leave for the library, when suddenly a sound stopped him in his tracks. A large clatter followed by the breaking of china and -

"Help! Somebody help! Please!" he heard Elizabeth's anguished voice.

Darcy turned and sprinted towards the room and finding Anne, wide eyed clutching at her chest and gasping for air.

Time slowed as panic gripped him.

"Annie!" he said rushing over to her.

She continued to gasp and struggled now clutching at the air and reaching for him. He was vaguely aware of Elizabeth instructing someone to fetch a physician right away.

"What is it? Has she choked?" he demanded to no one in particular.

Anne shook her head.

"Annie, is it your chest? Or can you not breathe?"

 _Why are you asking her questions, she cannot answer you!_ He distractedly berated himself.

He was running out of time and before Darcy could think any further on the matter moved behind her ready to push her forwards and pat her back, when Anne began frantically pointing behind her.

"Anne, what is it? Please try to breathe! I-I-I don't understand she was fine just a moment ago" Elizabeth said in fear, her panic rising when she saw that she was now alone.

"Mr Darcy?" She called but he did not reappear. Panicking she began trying to open Anne's mouth in order to see if any of her breakfast was choking her.

Looking up as she struggled to get a clear look, Elizabeth saw Mr Darcy rushing back into the room with a small blade. Immediately she panicked and threw herself backwards landing on her bottom and recoiling with fear, backing away petrified until her back connected with the far wall.

Watching in disbelief and abject horror as Mr Darcy took the blade to his wife's back and soon all that could be heard was Anne's choked shallow breaths and the tearing of her dress. Collecting herself she tore towards him planning to stop him – however, just before she reached him, he dropped the blade and continued to rip the corseted bodice of the gown. Realization dawned. The corset was preventing her from drawing breath. Elizabeth began to pull at the shoulders of the gown, until at last, Anne sucked in a huge gurgling breath and began coughing in earnest. Deep shuddering coughs that rattled in her chest.

Shrugging out of his jacket Darcy placed it protectively over his wife and picked her up, placing her on his lap as her coughs began to cease, rocking her gently. Feeling as though she were suddenly intruding upon a private moment Elizabeth moved to look out of the window. She would have left but wanted to be there for when the physician arrived in order to be of assistance to the woman who had given her so much of her life back.

When the physician; Mr Jones arrived, he instructed Elizabeth and Mr Darcy to wait outside so that he could conduct his examination without interference, but Darcy would not be moved and insisted he be present.

And so, Elizabeth waited in the next room, alone. Warring emotions conflicting within her. She had truly believed Mr Darcy's intent was to do harm with that blade. The instant she saw it, she was back at the cottage with her reprobate husband tormenting and beating her mercilessly. However, this was not the part of the story she felt the worst over. The worst was that her first instinct was to run and hide.

She hesitated to save her friend.

She turned away.

_I hesitated… what did that say about my character?_

She constantly accused others and held their flaws against them, without once acknowledging her own.

Looking up suddenly at the sound of a movement within the room Elizabeth wondered what was happening.

_Would Anne recover?_

_Did Anne need her?_

She thought as the noises dissipated and her surroundings grew quite once again.

 _Mr Darcy called her Annie_.

She contemplated as her mind began to wonder once more. Why that was something that kept playing on her mind she above all things, she could not say. Wrapping her arms around her middle she took deep breaths in an effort to soothe herself and fight back her tears as her emotions continued to be pulled in every direction.

"Yes, thank you Mr Jones," Said Mr Darcy as he walked into the room with the physician, "My man will see you out."

"Good day Mr Darcy," he said as he inclined his head toward Elizabeth in recognition, before taking his leave.

Elizabeth stood awkwardly, observing Mr Jones' retreating form, feeling a little in the way once again, when Mr Darcy finally spoke.

"Anne is requesting to see you," he said softly.

Turning, she nodded mutely, though she needn't have bothered as he was already striding back into Anne's bedchamber.

As she wandered into the room, she noted the curtains had been drawn and few candles lit, blanketing the room in a dim light. After a moment and her eyes had adjusted Elizabeth could make out Anne's frail form in the bed and hear her drawn out breathing. Next to her she could outline Mr Darcy's broad shoulders and tall figure sitting at her side.

"Elizabeth," gasped Anne, "come here."

Obeying, she made her way over to the bedside and lowered herself into the chair.

"Please forgive me for frightening you so, Lizzy," said Anne her voice hoarse and her eyes barely open.

Looking up agape with her jaw hanging open, she looked firstly at Anne and then to Mr Darcy, who was still yet to look at her and kept his eyes averted.

"Anne, you have nothing to apologise for! Please do not burden yourself with such a thought," she scolded gently, "I must apologise for my reaction…" she said trailing off.

"And I must urge you to do the same, you reacted in the best way. You called for help and aided my –"she broke off suddenly coughing.

Immediately Darcy stood and poured a glass of water and cradling his wife's head, gently held it to her lips and fed her small sips. She noticed Anne's flinch and harsh intake of breath as Mr Darcy slowly lowered her back to rest against the pillows.

 _What had happened to cause such a deterioration?_ She thought in fear of the lady's life.

"I think that is enough. You must rest, now and build your strength." Mr Darcy spoke gruffly, still refusing to look anywhere near Elizabeth.

"No, I would like to tell Lizzy what happened, before I rest," spoke Anne, this time looking at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth fought the urge to gasp in horror at what she saw. Anne's eyes were bloodshot with complete discoloration of red at the corners of each eye.

"Do not be alarmed, I fear I look worse than I am. It is due to the lack of oxygen that my eyes appear so damaged. They will heal in time, -"

"If you make sure to have plenty of rest!" interjected Mr Darcy.

Giving a tight smile Anne continued, "For some time I have been advised to wear corsets under my dresses as my bones are weak," she said, pausing to catch her breath, "It is what makes it possible for me to take strolls without tiring too quickly -" she broke once more to draw breath.

"Anne, let me come back tomorrow or later, I fear this had been all too much," Elizabeth said with a forced smile and holding her friends cold and frail hand.

"I am almost done, I pr-promise," she wheezed this time her voice trembling, "It is simply my bones have become even weaker and now the corset became a hinderance. It was too str-strong for my ribcage to expand for me to breath." She said gulping in more air, "Mr Jones says that I am lucky. He believes my ribs are only bruised and not broken," she whispered with a small smile and then lifted a hand gesturing for more water. "I just wanted you to know, Lizzy. I do not blame you and this was not y-your fault."

Watching and unsure of how to respond or what to do with herself... she waiting a moment and excused herself giving Anne's hand a small squeeze, before simply nodding and standing. Elizabeth paused a fraction to offer a curtsey to Mr Darcy, but he was still refusing to meet her eye. In fact, his posture was rigid, and his manner turned hostile, whenever he felt her look towards him. Even in the dim lighting she could see his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth repeatedly.

 _Does he - he cannot blame me?_ She thought turning away in horror and heading for the door.

"Fitzwilliam?" she heard Anne's soft whisper from behind her.

"Hmmm?" Darcy hummed in reply.

"Will you read to me a while," she said, the slight tremble had Elizabeth turning to look over her shoulder in time to witness Darcy smooth her brow gently.

"I would enjoy that very much, Annie," he said in gentle tones.

Turning quickly away, she walked from the bedchamber as she heard a distressed sob escape from Anne and felt it like kick to her stomach. Closing the door and biting down on her bottom lip to stifle her own sobs, Elizabeth made her way to the Library and took the tray from the sideboard containing the brandy and tumblers and went in search of an empty room to drown her sorrows.

* * *

_What a mess!_

_Well, what did you expect Lizzy? They are a married couple. They would accommodate each other before you!_

Thought Elizabeth as she trudged down another unfamiliar corridor... unbeknownst to her she had left the guest rooms and was now in the part of Netherfield that housed the family rooms.

 _They claim not to love each other and yet as companions they are quite devoted to one another_.

She thought to herself with a sniff _._

_Mr Darcy was so gentle caring towards his 'Annie'. The man who could be so intimidating with a look he could send most grown men recoil in fear and trepidation._

"Stop being horrible Lizzy!" She snapped at herself harshly. There was no need to direct her anger towards them. They had been through enough today to warrant their wanting to be alone.

With a huff of impatience, she elbowed the door open to the next room she came to and kicked it shut and coming to abrupt halt upon seeing –

"Jane?"

"Elizabeth?" gulped Jane standing, dashing her tears from her cheeks and plastering a weak smile on her face.

"Forgive my intrusion –"

"No, it is quite alright…"

"I thought you had left for Longbourn with the others…"

"No. I did not…"

"Well, I will leave you to your solitude." Said Elizabeth turning to leave.

"Please, do not leave!" Jane blurted out.

Pausing with her back to her, Elizabeth heard her sister clear her throat awkwardly. Not wishing to torment her, she turned partly to look back at Jane to see if she was in earnest or putting her.

"Perhaps we could share a drink together?" Jane said gesturing to the tray Elizabeth still held.

Elizabeth stayed silent but turned a fraction further towards facing her sister. Sensing she was close to convincing her, Jane tried to appeal to her sister once more.

"As we are both attempting to find a respite from… everything, we might do so together? It seems we might actually have something in common." She shrugged nervously.

After mulling over her words and seeing not pity but longing in Jane's sad expression, Elizabeth decided to stay "I suppose that would not be too terrible…"

Nearly an hour later…

"No! No, that was evening were we accidentally broke Aunt Phillip's vase. Remember?" said Elizabeth animatedly.

"Goodness me! You are correct!

"And then we had blamed it on Lydia –" Elizabeth giggled.

"And got away with it! Lydia got such a scolding!" laughed Jane, becoming contemplative and distant.

Elizabeth poured them both another generous third helping of Mr Bingley's rather potent brandy and looking down at her glass decided to address the topic they had been avoiding.

"Do you want to tell me, what is the matter and why you are hiding on here?" Elizabeth said drawing in a deep breath.

Taking a large gulp of her drink, Jane levelled her with a look, "Are you sure you wish to know?"

"Jane, we used to have the closest of bonds, and I am being fully honest when I say, though I am not your sister as I once was or your confident. What I can say is that I do miss you and love you. Now I am not claiming to be your friend, but I would never betray your confidence."

"Oh Lizzy, when did everything become so complicated? In our marriages? With our family?" she sobbed.

"Do not speak to me of our family!"

"At least you may escape them," Jane sighed, swiping at fresh tears, "My situation does not afford me that luxury!"

_Jane is displeased with our family too?_

"Believe me, my 'situation' does not afford me even the smallest of luxuries," whispered Elizabeth.

Both caught one another's eyes and downed their drinks, before pouring another.

After they were both sitting back comfortably, with their drinks refilled, Jane looked suddenly to Elizabeth.

"I have an idea… Why don't we both say what afflicts us at the same time?"

"All right…" replied Elizabeth cautiously.

"On the count of three?"

"On the count of three," repeated Elizabeth.

"One."

Beat.

"Two."

Beat.

'Three!"

"Charles had an affair last year and Charlie is not my son -"

"Mr Collins treats me with violence and keeps me a prisoner -"

Both women gasped and covered their mouths with their hands in shock.

Silence descended.


	13. Chapter 13

**_*This story is copyright protected ©_ **

**_  
BEST WISHES AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU ALL! X _ **

**_Dear Readers:_ ** _This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have; I adore them, and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox. xox._

* * *

**Chapter 13**

The mantle ticked rhythmically upon the mantle in Anne's bedchamber, as Mr Darcy closed the book he had been reading aloud to her. Moving slowly for fear of waking her, he placed the book quietly on the bedside table and moved to stand. Taking a moment to straighten her duvet and pull it a little higher, she need not catch a chill after the ordeal she had suffered.

Her eyes, still blood shot and pupils slightly larger than they ought to be, the skin beneath them appeared dark and thin, as she looked up at him. A small frown marring her brow as she considered him, but he quickly cast his gaze away.

"Do not hide from me, Fitzwilliam," she whispered.

"I do not hide from you Annie," he replied, she always had a gift for being able to read people. It was unnerving.

"I beg to differ!" she teased.

She waited but he did not respond, busying himself with making sure she was comfortable.

"I am of a mind to discuss this morning with you. I can see that you are doing everything in your power to hide from me how you are feeling but I can see how angry you are with yourself, but I am at a loss as to why you should feel so?"

"Do not worry yourself over such things. You must focus on getting better and bringing your strength back." He said gently. "Tea?"

Anne nodded and he pulled the bell to ring for tea. Moving back to the bed to help her into a more upright position and adjusting her night dress so that it did not bunch or tighten around her as she found a comfortable position. Finally settling back and exhausted Anne closed her eyes and they waited for the tea to come in silence.

"Annie?"

She heard Fitzwilliam call to her gently.

"Yes, I am awake, I will take two sugars in my tea please," she instructed, watching as he prepared her a cup with two sugars and a squeeze of lemon, just the way she liked it. Fitzwilliam never forgot a thing.

He was such a wonderful man and though she knew he did not love her in a romantic sense, she did love him, not in a brotherly way and yet not as a woman should love her husband. She did not have romantic urges, like she had heard whispers of. Perhaps if her body was stronger she might have the energy to want such things, but she hadn't really ever felt desire towards... anyone, before Fitzwilliam. She had been curious and when they had come together, he had been wonderful, but she did not wish to repeat the experience now that her curiosity had been satisfied. And if she were honest with herself the toll it took on her and the weeks she spent in recovery were enough for to cherish the memories and be grateful she had not had a horrible experience. That would have been a sorry thing indeed. The only thing that saddened her was that she could not give him children.

She and Fitzwilliam were not like brother and sister as she had told Elizabeth, but the closest and truest friends. That had merely been something she had said that because she knew Elizabeth would be Darcy's equal, and did not want to stand in their way. Not when once could feel the attraction simmering between the two of them even before they had known of its existing between them. Anne was content in the knowledge that they would have each other, she knew she would not have long left, and if her husband was honest, he knew it too. It was obvious in the way he had begun to worry over her, she hated that she had placed this burden upon him. Even, his sister, Georgiana Darcy was staying away this Christmas.

The week before they had departed for Hertfordshire Anne had overheard a conversation between Fitzwilliam and Georgiana and she had confessed that she needed to take some time to spend with their Matlock relatives, as she struggled with the memories of loosing her own parents. Seeing Anne had move closer to her end had brought the pain of loosing her mother and father crashing back and in her own words 'tormented' her. Georgiana complained of how helpless she felt not being able to make her better. Of course, both Fitzwilliam and his sister had already had to watch two loved ones decline and perish at such tender ages, that it was understandable for the younger to have such a reaction.

Smiling gently, Anne knew Georgiana and Elizabeth would become fast friends and they both deserved that, neither had experience a life free of turmoil and tragedies, and though he was quite her husband was a sensitive soul who shouldered everyone's grief atop his own and never did what was best for himself.

Fitzwilliam Darcy had given her everything and when she passed on from this life, she would not have him be alone or worse feeling guilty and suffering a cold and desolate existence.

"Now, before you tell me I need to rest, I cannot rest leaving something that needs to be voiced; unspoken." She said pointedly, her hand shaking as she brought her cup to her lips.

"Yes, I know you well enough to know better," he sighed.

"I am glad you a bowing to my superiority," she teased.

"Let us not get too carried away," he replied a small smile tugging at his lips, though his eyes maintained their sadness.

"I have no doubt you have been wondering about my friendship with Elizabeth, and I foolishly thought things would naturally take their course by putting you in each other's paths..." she said, pausing to catch her breath and place her cup back in its saucer.

"I do not understand, what would naturally take its course?" he cut in confusedly, leaning forward and resting a hand comfortingly on her arm.

She took another sip of tea, enjoying it warmth soothing affect, "I have seen the way you are both drawn to one another, Fitzwilliam. Like I have said, I have laboured under a foolish misapprehension that you would both make the right decision and give yourselves to one another," she said watching him carefully.

He paled considerable and snatched his hand back, as if burnt by the connection. _She knows of my attraction to Elizabeth. Is she saying this simply to ease my shame and guilt? Surely she cannot be sincere?_ and worst of all his mind betrayed and asked;- _Could Elizabeth like me, as I do her?_ Flinching he looked across the room to flames burning steadily in the fireplace.

"Fitzwilliam, please do not pull away, I wanted this. I even tried to orchestrate it. Know that you have my blessing, my permission, whatever it is that you need, you have it," she said with strength and conviction.

"No."

"Fitzwilliam -"

"No! Do you know what it is you are telling me to do? You are giving me your blessing to break my vows and commit adultery, Anne!" he said vehemently.

"It is hardly adultery when on does not have a conventional marriage." She argued.

"Enough."

"I will not be silenced on this matter. Our marriage is not -"

"Enough, Anne I am begging you!" he said trying to keep his tone and emotions under control.

Anne fell quite upon seeing his expression shuttering and becoming an impenetrable mask. He did not look away, but he had managed to completely shut her out. He had not done this to her since the day he found her in her art room at Rosings and proposed to her. And it hurt.

Despair took its toll and she held he cup and saucer towards him as her shoulders sagged in defeat. He understood and immediately moved to take the cup from her and turned to prepare her another cup.

"I do not want you to be alone…" he heard her small voice sob from behind.

Darcy was at her side in an instant.

"Annie, I will not be alone. Is that what you are worrying about?" he said softly, wiping at her tears as they fell.

He had not predicted that he would grow to care for Anne as much as he had. He was under no misconception that either loved each other as most perceived of them. They did have a mutual respect and love for one another that went far beyond the intimacies of the marriage bed. He knew Anne saw herself as burden, but she did not know how much she had given him in return. There was something to be said to experience many things he had taken for granted through the eyes of a person who had never had the privilege.

His fondest memories were of the sheer joy his Anne had experienced when first sitting atop a horse as he led it around the paddock. Or when she had first time brandy. Though the best had been when she convinced him one incredibly hot day and health had been strong and steady for some time, to take her swimming. When she had finally managed to float without his assistance, he would never forget the look in Anne's eyes. The joy and elation were indescribable. She had brought him out of himself and made him easier to be around in company, and in the beginning of their marriage before she began to grow sicker, the severity of his countenance had eased considerably.

Looking at her now, he could still see that woman from the lake at Pemberley in there, but her body was failing her and deteriorating rapidly. They dare not speak the words but they both knew she had but a few months left, if she was lucky...

Anne smiled and cupped his cheek, her fingers cold, "I am not asking you to commit adultery. I am asking you to take something for yourself. You who have always served other's and put their needs before yours. Georgiana is grown and will no doubt find her own husband soon. She will no longer be your responsibility. And if that doesn't happen before I am gone, she will not marry as she will not want to leave you to your loneliness? What will you do then?" she asked, rubbing her thumb across his cheek.

"You speak as though you will not be here tomorrow. You know things are not so dire!" he lied, his expression softening.

"I would not recommend you choose a life on the stage," she joked, before turning serious again, "Please think about what I have said. Perhaps it was written in the stars that you should all be reunited once more under this roof. It seems so much went wrong after the ball at Netherfield for the Bennet's, I feel that the time has now come that these errors be addressed."

"I fear that you are very tired, and we will put a hold on this conversation until you have rested," he said, taking the hand on his face with his own hands in an effort to warm and comfort.

"I am not naïve. You are a young and virile man. You have needs and you need to sire an heir and –"

"Anne, I am quite content not straying from my vows-"

"Do not interrupt me, Fitzwilliam. I have overheard private conversations between you and Colonel Fitzwilliam many years ago before we married. I know you have kept a mistress before and…" she blushed, and Darcy was grateful for the added colour to her complexion that he almost forgot his embarrassment, "And other details I did not understand what the Colonel had been discussing with you, but now I understand the innuendo's and surely you are in need of finding comfort and that sort of companionship?" she said pleadingly.

Darcy coughed a little uncomfortably before replying, "I am not the young buck I was back then. I am an old man now and my needs have changed -"

"You are hardly ancient, Fitzwilliam. You are still a young man, in your prime!" she interjected.

"You have also forgotten one crucial detail, Annie. Elizabeth is Mrs Collins and Mr Collins is very much alive."

Anne rolled her eyes and winced at the pain it caused to her head.

"That man deserves to be put down! I do not doubt one word from you would send him scarpering."

 _I should like to beat the vermin to a pulp!_ thought Darcy to himself, but discarded the thought quickly and came back to reality.

"So then, you wish for me to have adulterous relationship with a married woman and sire a litter of illegitimate Darcy's?" he mocked.

She pulled her hand from his grasp and looked away. Perhaps he was correct, and she hadn't been thinking clearly.

"Forgive me, that was unkind. It has been a long day for us both." he apologised.

"You are a good man, and you deserve to be happy."

"I am happy," he said gently.

"What did I say about your acting skills, but a few moments ago?" she teased.

"Enough. It is time you rest," he said.

He helped her to lay back and then picked the book and begun to read aloud until he was sure she had finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Meanwhile in Mrs Bingley's bedchamber…

"Charles had an affair?"

"Mr Collins has hurt you?"

Both sisters blurted at once.

"Please Jane, you must tell me what happened?" demanded Elizabeth, shock sobering them both instantly.

"No Lizzy, I have put myself first more than enough, it is time you are first. You are so very loved and important to me and the thought that Mr Collins has hurt you," gasped Jane, "and I never knew!" her expression growing horrified as she moved towards Elizabeth and without giving her a chance to react against it, enveloped her in a fierce hug.

Shocked Elizabeth could not fight her emotions any longer and after a brief hesitation wrapped her arms around her sister and gripped fistfuls of her gown as she cried, powerful sobs wracking her body. This was what she had needed, all this time she had craved _family._ Her dearest older sister, who always knew how to soothe her greatest worries and fear held her in her arms and did just that. She rocked Elizabeth, never loosening her grip and cooed soothing words in her ear until she calmed herself.

Finally gathering her breath and her courage enough she pulled out of her sisters embrace, and it finally felt as it should being with Jane again. Her elder sister wiped her tears away and cupped her face and assured her with a look more than words could ever have.

"Will you confide in me, as you used to, Lizzy?" she said softly.

With a jerky nod, Elizabeth breathed a deep breath and began at the beginning. She told Jane of how it had started with small things, a sermon here or there, she'd notice gowns were missing, she would not be allowed sweets or biscuits and letters became few and far between.

"For the first few months, he did not visit my chamber and so I did not know what was awaiting me when he did. You see he meant to use marital rights as a punishment and being a woman who is not prepared or taught of such things, I could never imagine a fate so terrible. It has always been such a vague topic for us gentlewoman and well, I resent it now. Had I known, I would never have married just on his appearance alone…"

Jane never having experienced such violence could think of nothing to say, she was already horrified and biting the inside of her cheeks to keep from crying. Jane did not know how much more she could hear, but she also knew her sister was not finished and needed to voice her torment. Therefore, she maintained her encouraging expression ensuring her sister knew she was not being judged whatsoever.

"I remember it was around the fourth month of our marriage, and thinking I was bold, tenacious and brave Elizabeth Bennet, I began to get suspicious that I was not receiving all of my post. I had received some letter's, but I simply had a feeling something was amiss. So, one afternoon when he was tending to his bee's, I went into his study and searched his things. Unfortunately, I did not get very far in my search before Mr Collin's happened upon me. I of course not one to be intimidated by any man I confronted him and that was when he… changed…"

"Oh Lizzy…" whispered Jane taking hold of one of her hands.

"That day was the day that I learned my fool of a cousin was not such a weak man, whom I could mock and easily bent to my will - no William Collins, is a brute who readily used the word of God to mentally attack my courage and spirit, while his fists were used to punish my body." Elizabeth finished, with a shudder at the memories coming to the forefront of her mind.

"Lizzy, I am so sorry! I should have saved you, I should have come to you upon realising your letters were out of character. I cannot tell you how sorry I am to have failed you," said Jane, her bottom lip trembling under the weight of her guilt.

"My letters were out of character?" asked Elizabeth confused.

"Yes, you wrote to me telling me you did not wish for me to visit you, and that you would not be making the trip to Hertfordshire any time in the foreseeable future and you were happy to be rid of our whole family…" answered Jane trailing off, "I can see from your expression that you did not pent those words?" she gasped her hand covering her mouth.

"I did not know you had been writing to me. Mr Collins only gave me letter's that suited his purpose and would read them to me and then dispose of them in the fire. He had convinced me you had all forgotten me and now you had married me off wanted nothing more to do with me…" she said, but instead of growing sad she grew angry!

"No, Lizzy, I did write to you, but then when everything happened, I confess I grew ashamed and Papa made us all keep quiet in order to stop the scandal spreading."

"Papa! If I shall never speak to him again, I shall be happy!"

"Hmmm, I have always wondered at the change in him. It was a month or two before Charles first leased Netherfield, but we all just assumed he was in a bad mood and it would lift…"

"Enough, Jane, tell me what happened with you and Charles. Why should you be expected to raise Charlie if he is not yours?" She asked, her mind racing. _How could Charles would have done such a thing?_

"Oh, Lizzy, it is such a terrible mess! We were so happy and then he a-a-and L-Lydia…" she said as looked into her lap and wringing her hands.

"LYDIA?!" cried Elizabeth.

"Yes. Charlie is Lydia's child, sired by my husband," confirmed Jane, "Charles, still denies remembering that he and Lydia were intimate, but they were found together, and she bore his child the correct amount of time later…"

"Jane, I am so sorry you have been betrayed in such a way. I cannot believe it!" she said staring agape at her sister.

"I cannot even be angry with Lydia; she was just a child! She was so impressionable back then, now I fear she has grown rather wild in her need to see Charlie and I understand her. Can you imagine having to live with your child so close by and never being able to claim him. Having him call another Mama?"

"Jane, you are too good and forgiving. Given the world we live in she is lucky that she can still watch her son grow and be taken care of," she said reassuringly.

"I of course have no intention of keeping her away from him, but it is different when there are guests staying here. But of course, when Charlie is old enough, he will be told who his true mother is and he will be able to freely see her and spend time with her," she said, beginning to sob.

"Oh, Jane. It is all going to right itself in the end. Please do not be sad," she said, moving next to her sister and rubbing her back softly.

"But ti does make me terribly sad, because I love that boy so much. In my heart he is my son and I have already grown so attached to Charlie, that I think of running away with him, and starting a new somewhere, just the two of us. So, there you see, you were right to think so ill of me, Lizzy."

"Upon my word, Jane that makes you an even better person, than I thought to be possible of anyone! Dearest I could never think ill of you. I think we have both experienced things we had never conceived we would, when we used to lay awake sharing secrets in our beds at Longbourn. We can each agree to forgive and forget."

"How very innocent we were, Lizzy," Jane replied wistfully in agreement.

"But Jane, who found Lydia and Charles together? And how did you keep it secret to prevent gossip spreading?" Elizabeth thought suddenly. The family might keep it secret, but if the staff should know then word would spread below stairs to other homes and before you knew all of Meryton would know!

"I found them. In Charles' bed together." Jane revealed, the pain in her eyes made Elizabeth's heart ache.

"I am shocked. I am for once at a loss for words."

"Our family had dined with us and I had noticed Lydia was not her usual loud and cheery self. Mr Wickham had taken a commission elsewhere and left the Militia stationed in town and she had become despondent and downcast. The whole even with her was like pulling teeth! That evening I had retired before him and as we usually would spend our nights together, when I awoke and found he was not there I went in search of him. This was in the early hours before the staff had awoken." She dashed a tear roughly away. "I know it was just the once from the blood staining the bed linen, but it was enough to get Lydia with child. She achieved in one night the thing which I had not yet achieved in my marriage on her first try!" she laughed bitterly. "I had to fake the pregnancy first few months and then we went into confinement with Lydia, Mama and Kitty in a small property in Cornwall that Charles leased for a few months and then we returned. It is also very hard to watch him with Charlie… he seems to love his son, but I can also see in his eyes that he resents him too. And it is not the child's fault. Charles is the one to blame for this situation and he knows it."

"Is there no coming back for you and Charles? I know it is a terrible thing to ask and I am not saying to forgive him, but from the way he looks at you, I see he wants nothing in this world but you."

"It matters not, my mind tries to reason with my heart in the same way, but I cannot believe he could share such intimacies with me and say such kind things and make me feel so wonderful only to do the same with another woman, who happened to be my sister, whilst I slept in the next room. And in a bed, we had shared so much together ourselves. It was the ultimate betrayal. How can I forgive him?"

"I understand, and you have my full support sister." She swore.

"Oh, Lizzy I have missed you!" she said hugging her sister once more.

"And I you," replied Elizabeth full of emotion.

"What time is it?" asked Jane looking over to the clock on the mantle, "Ah, dinner will be served shortly, let us prepare ourselves."

"I agree, shall I meet you at the stairs and we will go down together?" asked Elizabeth.

"Oh, no! Lizzy I must do something with your appearance! You need to style your hair as you used to and please borrow one of my gowns. It may be a little long, but we will have the maid pin a few of my new gowns and begin the alterations on them so you have some nicer gowns to choose from. And then I will send to town for some new shoes. You will give me a list and we can get whatever garment's you need."

"Anne Darcy has been very kind and sent an order for a few things to her modiste for me already," said Elizabeth.

"Well, you would not have asked her to order you under garments and delicate's, now would you?" said Jane levelling her with a look and then they both broke into giggles and it was if the last two years hadn't happened.

 _Anne!_ Thought Elizabeth suddenly. _How could I have forgotten?!_

"Now tell me, what has brought on this new friendship with the Darcy's? From last we saw each other you and Mr Darcy were as good as sworn enemies!" inquired Jane.

"Believe it or not but Anne Darcy is quite force to be reckoned with…" began Elizabeth. And as they began choosing gowns readying themselves for dinner, they gossiped about Elizabeth's new friendship with Darcy's and of her episode this morning. They talked about the change in Caroline Bingley and they both decided she had grown into a decent sort of person. They pinned each other's hair and buttoned one another's gown without the use of the maid, exactly how they would have when they were simply two young and idealistic sisters, who believed in true love and happily ever after's.


	14. Chapter 14

****_*This story is copyright protected ©_ ** **

**  
BEST WISHES AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU ALL! X**

Dear Readers: This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.

**Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have; I adore them, and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox. xox.**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

A short while later, dressed as her old self, Elizabeth took in her reflection. Jane had insisted she wear one of her newer gowns in a blush pink with puffed sleeves, with a lilac ribbon cinching her in at the waist. Her hair had been styled as she would have worn it before she married, her sable hair curled to rest against her temples. The rest of her hair was woven into a simple yet elegant bun and falling into one large ringlet through the centre.

The dress was little lower cut than she had ever worn before, but then as any other married woman she would have been used to the daring of this cut, which in turn made it not so daring. Though, she felt closer to her old self a moment of sadness came over her. She was dressed as the Elizabeth she was desperately fighting to get back too but she was not yet there. Her face still a touch gaunt and her figure too slight. With a shake of her head, she banished such critiques so as not to spoil her mood. This night she was just Elizabeth and she vowed to put all other things aside.

Jane had left to see to Charlie when Mr Bingley and the others had returned from Longbourn, with their parents and sisters and were to meet by the main staircase before they would walk to dinner together. And so, she decided to go and see if Anne was awake and would keep her company until it was time to go down to join the rest of the guests.

She found Anne propped up against her pillows, breathing heavily, her expression far away.

"Anne?" Elizabeth said gently, so as not to startle her.

"Oh Elizabeth," Anne croaked.

Her eye widened as Elizabeth moved closer to her.

"Look at you, you are looking so well! Step into the light so I can see you properly," she demanded, making Elizabeth chuckle.

"Well? Will I do?" she asked, partly in jest and partly in earnest.

"It is so lovely to see you in some colour. You look very pretty Lizzy," she complimented sincerely, "May ask what the cause was for this transformation?" she said coughing after her question and wincing at the pain it caused.

Elizabeth helped her to a drink of water, supporting her neck as she did so, "Perhaps I should stay with you and take dinner here in case you have need of me?" Said Elizabeth with concern.

"Nonsense, I have sally to help if I need anything," she said flicking her eyes over to the maid that Elizabeth had failed to notice, ensconced on the other side of the room, altering one of Anne's gowns.

"Ah, I see you are well taken care of, then."

"Yes, now please tell me what I have missed," Anne said with a pointed look.

"I had not planned it, but I have spent my day with my sister Jane. I confess we have talked through most things that were causing much of the discomfort between us. There are still issues we have yet to tackle, but Rome was not built in a day."

"Oh, Lizzy. I am glad! And she gave you this gown?"

"Yes, and I must give her ownership for my entire restoration and restyling," she said, self-consciously patting her hair.

"I have to say, your hair is most becoming styled that way." Anne said, before she became breathless and had to take a moment to still her tremor's and catch her breath.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" said she, settling into the seat next to her.

"I am well, truly. I am well. It always worse straight after. I will start showing improvement in a few days and be well in time for Christmas," she tried, smiling weakly.

"Hmmm," Elizabeth replied unconvinced, "Will Mr Darcy be joining you this evening?"

"No, I have given him the evening off! Please try to lighten his mood, he can be so serious. It is no good for him. He seems livelier around you," Anne whispered as fatigue started to overwhelm her, but she could not resist trying to push Elizabeth and Darcy together, "I see you are hesitant, but his disposition is to hold the weight of the world upon his sh-shoulders," she said growing wearing.

"Do not distress yourself further. I shall leave you to rest and-"

"Please promise me you will try to be patient with him this evening, he does not show his emotions, but I fear he will need someone he can trust and lean on. Knowing him as I do, he would not feel easy speaking of such things with Mr Bingley, with all that his marriage is having to endure."

"I shall try, but I can see you are in great need of rest. Where it is appropriate, I will see if I can make him participate in this evening and give his mind a little reprieve. I will leave you now and come and read to you tomorrow if you are feeling up to it," she said, but Anne's eyes had already begun to droop, "Sleep well, Anne."

As she exited Anne's room, she looked up to find Jane coming in search of her.

"How is she?" Jane asks with genuine concern.

"She is doing better but in need of much rest," she replied.

"That is good. I came to check on her before going to Charlie earlier, but she was sleeping," she revealed as she linked her arm with Elizabeth's and steered them towards the stairs, "I must ask Mr Darcy, what she prefers for breakfast when she is feeling unwell or anything that will bring her comfort whilst she is confined to her bed."

Their chatter continued on in this way until they reached the bottom of the main staircase.

"Lizzy, I hope you know you may lean on me if you should need me this evening. Mama and Kitty, Mary and Lydia will be in attendance at dinner tonight. Papa has declined his invitation so that is something at least," Jane said uncertainly.

"Jane, please do not worry, all will be well. And I confess I am relieved that Papa is not here, thought my relationship with Mama has yet to be acknowledged and I have yet to see Mary since my arrival. I am excited to see Kitty again, too. I fear my conduct when last we spoke was not as she would have hoped." She reassured.

"Well, that makes two of us, I am afraid I am no longer Mama's favourite, all that matters to her is Lydia," Jane revealed a sadness settling into her eyes.

"I suggest we ignore all these things and aim to enjoy ourselves this evening as we would have at an assembly in Meryton! We shall laugh and be merry."

"I should like that very much, sister."

"Capitol! Capitol!" exclaimed Elizabeth and both girls laughed at her imitation of Sir William Lucas, who was known in the county for his enthusiasm for the word. Which reminded Lizzy that she needed to speak to Jane at some point regarding Charlotte.

* * *

"Lizzy!" Gasped Kitty as she rushed over to them when she and Jane entered the parlour.

Elizabeth took in the astonished look on the faces of the others in the room, not failing to notice that her Mama neglected to acknowledge them.

"Kitty, it is so good to see you again," said as Kitty beamed at her.

Mary joined them looking much as she did before, however she had grown into her looks; her nose looked more proportionate to her features, her hair did not look too dark and her skin had cleared giving her a pleasing appearance.

Mary gave a small curtsey and had this been when she had first arrived, Elizabeth may have returned the greeting, but instead she pulled both sisters into a warm embrace.

Stepping back, she exclaimed, "My, what fine ladies you have grown into! You are not so little anymore! Tell me what you have both been up to?" she asked as Caroline joined them.

Soon Kitty they were all laughing and chatting amiably that even Lydia joined them, not wanting to be left out.

Mr Darcy had been sat at the other end of the room, distractedly sipping at his wine and not even bothering to participate in the conversation around him. Being a quiet man by nature he had never been suited to small talk and found it a tedious waste of time. In his present mood, the evening could've have only been worse if he had been made to attend a ball!

But he knew why they were spending Christmas here, Bingley needed him to sort out his marriage. He had been shocked when Charles had told him the truth about Charlie's true mother, and something just did not ring true about whole situation. It was impossible to imagine his friend capable of cheating on his wife or even having a mistress, let alone bedding his wife's sister, not when both he and Jane had been deliriously happy in their marriage. What was odder was the fact that he could not remember a thing about that evening…

Darcy released a weary sigh; his head was beginning to pound. Perhaps he shouldn't have left Anne this evening. True he had not left her alone, and if her health should deteriorate someone would fetch him immediately, and he had promised her to stop fussing and leave her to sleep.

Suddenly his head snapped up and his breath caught at the unmistakable musical sound of laughter, from the one thing in life he could not have.

Time seemed to suspend as all other thoughts and guests became a distant afterthought, only one thought assaulted his mind, body and soul… Elizabeth.

His breath caught and his heart raced as he drank her in, while stood next to her sister and Miss Bingley, laughing in a most carefree manner. A hauntingly beautiful vision of the Elizabeth from his fantasies. Her eyes sparkling and her head tilted backwards lightly so that her silken hair dangled to dance across her shoulders, simultaneously giving him a tantalising view of the column of her throat and her décolletage, no longer hidden by her drab and matronly fitchu.

When Elizabeth had entered the drawing room, her body had felt incredibly alive. She was aware of how all in attendance had paused when she entered longer than one should, before coming to greet her with much enthusiasm. All accept Mr Darcy, who instead had maintained his position at the other side of the room, staring at her an intensity that made her race to catch her breath. Dressed as she was, she felt his eyes on her in a keener, sharper way. An emotion she could not name flooded through her and though it was unsettling it was not unpleasant.

Steeling herself she chanced a look at him. Mr Darcy instantly looked away and turned to look out of the window at the night sky. Before she could think on his behavior further dinner was announced. Their small party had dispensed with the formalities of being escorted to dinner and everyone made their wait to the dining room in conversation which had appeared to divide the sexes.

During dinner Mr Darcy did not look at her unless he had to. Jane and Bingley sat in terse silence, though he tried on more than one occasion to speak to her. Mrs Bennet was quiet much as she had been on her last visit which was rather odd and Lydia kept speaking of little Charlie and at one point had boldly referred to him as her son, before acting as though it were an accident.

"Oh, we spend so much time together sometimes I feel like he more than just my nephew!" she had said, with a wicked glint in her eye.

At Jane's embarrassment, Elizabeth had quickly moved give her younger sister a set down, when Mr Bingley had beat her to it!

"If it is too much, do not feel you must come and spend so much time with him. Perhaps you ought not to accompany us when we go to Brighton in the spring," he said happily, but Elizabeth could sense the undercurrent of the threat.

Lydia had made to speak when Mrs Bennet had cut in, "Not accompany you to Brighton! What a notion! Who knew you had such a sense of humour," she said harshly.

To which Mr Bingley had gripped his cutlery until his knuckles had paled and signalled for another drink. This shocked Elizabeth as she had never seen him so out of sorts, but at Jane's pointed look to his wine glass, she had to acknowledge he did partake generously of an evening. It made his disgrace of wedding vows easier to credit.

"Goodness me, my dear Mrs Bennet, it is a good thing you are family, otherwise one might take offense at such a speech towards the master of this property and the one in Brighton you are so eager to visit this spring," Caroline chuckled and wiping the smug grin from Lydia's countenance.

Throughout the whole exchange, Kitty and Mary looked mortified. It is clear that with their age they had learned a great deal of sense and decorum. Handling themselves very well as young ladies. Though, Mary had never been one to get involved, but Kitty had always followed Lydia's example and it seemed that was no longer the way of things.

After dinner Mr Darcy had found a quiet corner of the room and decided tried to desperately not to look at Elizabeth.

He failed.

It was impossible, she stood at the other end of the room and still she felt as though she were surrounding him. Her scent, her glow, her everything pulling him deeper and deeper and shattering the control he had always prided himself in. True it had been a long time since he had laid with a woman, or seen a woman whom he was attracted to, but he was no green lad! He had vowed he would be better and do better for Anne's sake. Sadly, it seemed to be proving more difficult than he could have ever perceived.

Mayhap Bingley did cheat? He certainly would not have thought he were such a man, but here he was surrounded by people and all he could do was lust and fantasize over a woman, while his wife lay upstairs frightfully ill.

Darcy's lip curled in disgust at himself. Deciding he needed to take a moment to collect himself if he were going to continue with this night. He would not be a coward; tonight, was the perfect opportunity to watch Miss Lydia and see if he could try to find the truth of what had occurred the night she had been found in Bingley's bed. Looking once more to where Miss Lydia sat in whispered talks with Mrs Bennet, he could not shrug off a feeling of unease towards the older lady…

* * *

Elizabeth fidgeted a little uncomfortably having somehow found herself seated next to her mother where they sat playing cards and though she tried she could not fight the anger that creeping over her. The silence between them deafening, she excused herself and made her swift exit while the rest were distracted.

Once out of the drawing room she walked to the doors directly opposite and flung them open –

"Ouff!" A low grunt sounded as the door she had barged through connected with something….

With just the fireplace and a few wall sconces lit her eyes struggled to quickly adjust before she took in the tall and imposing figure of Mr Darcy in front of her.

"Mr Darcy, forgive me I-I-" she gasped.

Suddenly confronted with a very angry looking Mr Darcy, her mouth went dry and she lost all sense and hastened to leave. Whirling around abruptly she stumbled loosing her footing, tripping falling into the door and pushing it shut.

Darcy let out string of curses from behind her.

"Are you well?" he asked gruffly but did not touch her.

"I am fine. Are you harmed?" she said quietly, her back still to him.

He simply grunted irritably, serving to change her mood from embarrassed timidity to simmering anger.

Taking a deep breath, she turned and remembering her promise to Anne, tried to be polite and easiness.

"I did not see you."

"I had deduced as much," he growled.

"Well, it is not as if I did it on purpose!" she snapped.

His brows flew up mockingly.

"If that is your effort at an apology, I am not sure you understand what it is," he scoffed at her.

"Ha, why should I waste my breath on such a person as you who would not know how to accept it!" she replied crossly, looking up as the warm glow highlighted his handsome features. Elizabeth had been about to continue on in the same vein when she was arrested by the look in his eye, a vulnerability she could not understand.

"Carries the weight of the world on his shoulders…"

"Be patient with him…"

"I am sincerely sorry," she tried again.

"Yes, I heard you the first time," he mumbled, raking a hand through his hair and retreated further into the room away from her.

"It appears we had the same idea." She said following him a few paces and smiling awkwardly in the face of Mr Darcy's scorn.

Crossing his arms against the broad expanse of his chest, he said with impatiently, "It appears we did."

"Come now Mr Darcy, there is no need for animosity between us. I thought we were becoming friends?"

He looked at her then, the way she was looking at him was almost too much to bear. Her warm scent was overwhelming him and he did not know how to keep her at arms length now that were alone together. All he could think of was crushing her to him and kissing her senseless. Friends? he did not want to be just friends with her! And he did not know if he were a good enough man to resist her.

"Is that what you think?" he replied affecting a look of boredom.

Elizabeth straightened and glared at him, "I feared you blamed me for Anne's turn this morning but I dismissed it, as surely I could not be blamed for something I have no control over," she spoke angrily her breast rising and falling distractingly.

"Then I appears you have come to your own conclusions," he croaked roughly hardly registering her words.

"How have you managed it?" she asked abruptly.

"Managed what?" he growled.

"You have convinced Anne that you are good and noble? When in reality you almost had me fooled too! But you are not. You are the most proud and disagreeable man I thought you were when I first made your acquaintance. Being around you is such a chore! What's more you are rude without apology and have no consideration to the feeling of others."

"And so, this is your opinion of me?" he blanched his mind clearing.

"Yes! Mr Darcy, you may have the wealth and dress the part of a gentleman, but you lack manners!" she said vehemently.

Elizabeth knew not what had provoked her to speak so viscously out of turn, but not a single person was behaving as they should be. Her world was spinning out of control and she was just about clinging on. Mr Darcy's reaction to her had been the most disheartening, he treated her with disdain, and she was ignorant as to why. Anne was constantly trying to make Elizabeth like him, or form a kind of friendship with him, but his character was too changeable that she could not find her footing.

"If I lack manners, you madam, lack decorum!"

"I lack decorum?!" she exclaimed.

"This evening is a fine example! Attending dinner, dressed up and flaunting yourself, when your husband has not been gone a week and only hours after my wife; whom you claim a close friendship, almost died!" Darcy retaliated.

Elizabeth gasped, the light bouncing off of her silken locks as they trembled in her offence.

"I am sorry," he said still prickling from her low opinion of him. Stepping closer, "have I said something to offend you?" he mocked.

He noticed her flinch slightly, unable to say anything in return after she had torn apart his character so mercilessly moments before. Although he could see her hands clenched into fists at her side as though she were itching to slap him.

"Tell me do you take pleasure in provoking every one of your acquaintance's or is it just a particular desire of yours in regard to myself, madam?" he said unable to stop himself.

Tilting her chin stubbornly in the air, her warm brown eyes sparkling with flecks of amber in the firelight fiercely she levelled him with a look. Instantly he felt the bile rise in his throat for treating her so abominably. He had just proven everything she had accused him. With a huff he allowed his hands to drop to his sides in a defeated gesture. He looked tormented and broken.

Not knowing what possessed her Elizabeth stepped forward and touched his arm tentatively. Upon the contact he did not look at her but at her delicate fingers where they rested on his forearm.

"I fear we have both spoken out of turn, Mr Darcy," she said kindly.

"I am so very sorry," he said placing a warm hand over hers.

Gasping from the contact she looked up at his stormy eyes now gazing down at her. Eyes wide her lips parted, she watched mesmerised as his eyes dropped to her lips.

"I am sorry for what I said, I have always been too quick to temper," she said quietly.

"I meant no word of what I said, you must believe me," he whispered.

"I believe you, Mr Darcy," Elizabeth whispered back.

Her eyes widened in astonishment as he lifted his hand and softly traced her bottom lip with his thumb. A blush and a heat crept up her neck as her heart began to beat wildly as though it were going to explode from her chest, she was sure he could feel it. A million thoughts crashed through her at once.

She wondered if he would kiss her, she had never been kissed and with Mr Collins she had most assuredly never desired anything of the kind. Thankfully the parson had a little mercy, as he had never tried to kiss her. But with Mr Darcy, her breath came out in short spurts in anticipation of his lips on hers. Looking at his firm draw and aquiline nose, she looked at mouth; he had full lips for a man but they were still masculine.

Then it happened, Elizabeth tensed in his arms...

_What if he tried to take more than a kiss?_

_What if he overpowered her?_

She could not do this. It would not be likely mr Darcy would stop now he had her alone. That was the way of the world men took what they wanted without consequence. Elizabeth was overwhelmingly aware of the difference in their sizes and how easily he could overpower her if her desired too. Her husband was more than half his size and could overpower with devastating effect.

Panic set in and yet she did not move away. Elizabeth felt conflicted and at odds with a growing restlessness within her. Her brain was screaming at her to flee and save herself and yet her body and heart were burning to lean into him and close the distance between them...

Panic set in.

And then Mr Darcy was gone, retreating from her once more.

"Forgive me," he said softly and turned away from her.

Elizabeth called out to him, feeling his loss keenly. If he had heard her, he did not let on, did not pause or falter in his steps and did not glance back in her direction as he opened the door and left.


	15. Chapter 15

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* * *

**Chapter 15**

Darcy shut the door to his bed chamber and fell into bed, exhausted. Today had been a day of conflicting emotions and confusion ending in torment and shame. During Anne's episode he had felt so helpless at her distress. The thought of the terror in her panic-stricken gaze as she looked to him for help, but unable to communicate, came into his thoughts and held. It was the image he could not forget and seemed to torment him every time he allowed himself to think.

The next moment his mind seemed unwilling to forget, caused him to outwardly flinch at the Lang of discomfort the coarser through. The memory vividness of Elizabeth's fear. Fear directed at him made him feel disgusting. Time had stilled and he hated himself his lack of consideration. He knew vaguely she had known violence by the hand of her husband Mr Collins, but in the moment surely, he could not be blamed for his reactions. He had been running purely upon his instincts.

_What had Elizabeth been subjected to that she would fear me in such a manner?_

Suddenly his mind returned unbidden to the memory of her smiles and their easiness with each other, that morning when they had walked together. What had he been thinking when had conversed with her that morning? He knew he was not the sort of man that had any intention of seeing his fulfilment outside of his marriage. Scrubbing his hands roughly over his face and rubbing at his eyes, he groaned pathetically.

"Ha!" he laughed humourlessly.

Darcy was already making a disgrace of those vows as he had married without the intention of having a conventional marriage. He had long accepted his fate and had made his peace with it but there was an undeniable truth that he only allowed himself to acknowledge in the darkest recesses of his mind.

He was lonely.

For a sweet moment, he had allowed himself to lean into Elizabeth. He had not given a second thought to the rest of their party in the next room, all the mattered was her and him and the burning need within. The guilt he felt, was lessened slightly by the fact that he had walked away. For Anne, he had walked away and from here on he would be more careful than to allow himself to be alone with Elizabeth.

Enough was enough. He knew better and he was raised to be better.

His thoughts left him disturbed and anxious and he knew he would not find sleep this night.

The next week passed painfully slowly...

Elizabeth spent her time with Jane and Charlie, making wreaths and putting baskets of offerings for the tenants at Netherfield and the workers in Meryton. More often than not they were accompanied by Mary, Kitty and Lydia. The latter not as pleasant company as the former.

Little Charlie was a treasure, from his little laugh and spit bubbles, to his chubby cheeks and curly hair. It was hard not to notice that the young babe took more after Lydia, than Mr Bingley. Jane had spoken of her worries over this to Elizabeth more than once.

_"What if the similarities between Charlie garner attention? What if people question if I am his true mother?" she had voiced her concerns as they had taken tea in a private parlor together._

_"Nonsense!" Elizabeth had dismissed, "Caroline is not fair like you and Mr Bingley, Charlie could get his dark hair from her and regardless, you have raised him thus far. As of right now you are his mother, Jane," she had reassured as best she could, although she troubled over the same thoughts._

The rest of her time had been spent reading to Anne and keeping her company. Mr Darcy always excused herself when she entered Anne's apartments. If he had riled at her or sparred verbally with her, Elizabeth felt it would have been better and relieved the tension, but he did not. He did not even look at her. And so now they had fallen into a routine of being aware of the others existence but nothing more.

Despairingly, Anne showed no signs of improvement. It seemed as though she were steadily declining and though she was putting a brave show for them all, it appeared as though she were preparing them all for her departure. Anne would no longer talk of the future as if she would be there to play any part of it and in her eyes, Elizabeth beheld only relief, where she expected to see fear.

Mr Darcy had continued to call her Annie as Elizabeth had learned that was what he called her when he was worried for her. He used this variant of his wife's name he used to soothe her. It was the only outward sign, that he gave that he was anxious. Mr Darcy had also sent to London for the Darcy family physician to come and stay at the local inn. The physician saw to Anne every evening and he appeared graver each time he left her.

Elizabeth was unsure as to whether Anne was starting to fall into a delirium in her illness. She had begun extolling all of Mr Darcy's virtues as though he were her son and Elizabeth a potential bride. Anne had received letters from Miss Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr Darcy's sister and cousin, detailing how they would come to visit a sennight after Christmas due to her poor health.

But this morning, on the eve of Christmas, the most miraculous thing had happened. Anne was sitting up in bed. Her maid had readied her, and she was sipping her tea and eating some toast, with Mr Darcy sat beside her.

"Elizabeth! I was wondering when you would come by," she smiled, her voice still breathless but stronger.

"Anne, you are sounding much improved this morning! How do you feel?" Elizabeth replied, rushing to her side.

"I am well, truly! In fact, I would much appreciate your help in twisting Mr Darcy's arm, so that I might go outside for a little fresh air," Anne said, turning a teasing glance at her husband.

Elizabeth froze and her eyes went immediately to Mr Darcy.

"Well, I had not… that is… If Mr Darcy agrees -"

"Lizzy, you are bad as him! I am not asking to go riding or even walking, I just wish to sit outside. I have been cooped in for days!" She cut in, beseeching them both.

"I will agree -" began Mr Darcy.

"Thank you, husband!!" she said excitedly, not waiting for him to finish speaking, "Sally, please could you help me change into-"

"I will agree... only if you allow me to carry you out to the bench. You will wear furs and one of my coats and have warmed bricks in the pockets." He finished.

"Fitzwilliam, I think that to be a bit extreme," she rolled her eyes looking at Elizabeth.

"I am afraid on this one occasion; Mr Darcy and I agree. You will only receive my full endorsement if you agree to those terms," said Elizabeth with a shake of her head, though her eyes were glittering with mirth and complete joy at seeing her friend looking so well.

"Spoil sports! Very well, I will agree to your terms."

They all began to laugh, but when Anne looked down in order to hide her grimace, Elizabeth chanced a look at Darcy and saw that he had seen it too. Anne's ribs must still be causing her discomfort, but then Elizabeth's still hurt a little if she twisted suddenly. These things took time to heal.

Soon enough, they were making their way outside together. Mr Darcy carried Anne in his arms moving with exaggerated caution and concentration. Jane, Mr Bingley and Charlie had decided to accompany them, whilst Caroline and the hursts had gone for a ride into town for a change of scenery.

After much fussing and five fur's later, Mr Darcy finally relaxed a began to breathe. Elizabeth promised not to leave her side and took a seat beside her on the bench.

"It is no good for him, you know," said Anne filling the silence.

"What isn't?" Elizabeth asked, distractedly watching Jane ramble closer holding little Charlie's hands to help him make the steps himself on the uneven ground.

"Being allowed to be so serious, glowering all the time! Perhaps if I were to throw a snowball with enough precision to knock his hat off his head, we might achieve a shocked expression!"

Elizabeth gasped and let out a startled giggle.

"There, now, that has taken the edge off," she chuckled wheezily a cough escaping.

"Anne?" called Darcy.

"I am fine. Please, stop fussing," she assured, waving him away.

Jane reached them then and sitting on the other side of Anne, and for a time they spent time playing with Charlie. He loved the snow and soon Mr Darcy amused the small boy by building different animals in the snow and helping him to walk over them and smushing them. Bringing forth delicious peals of the child's laughter, that even Mr Bingley could not resist laughing along with.

"I am surprised at Mr Darcy's attentions to Charlie," said Jane, then eyes growing wide hastened to add, "Forgive me, I had not meant for that to sound quite as appalling as it did," she said realising how her statement sounded.

"It is quite all right. Charlie did look unsure of what to make of Fitzwilliam when he first approached him. He has always had a way with children. I have always thought he will be an excellent father; he was always so good with Georgiana after their parents had passed," Anne said with a sad sigh.

"Yes, he most certainly seems to have a way with Charlie," Jane replied, but her eyes were trained on her own husband.

"I have always imagined Darcy at Pemberley with both sons and daughters playing on the front lawn. The girls will wear ribbons in their hair and the boys would be pretending to fence with sticks and perhaps a couple of dogs running about…" Anne spoke wistfully, giving Elizabeth an assessing look.

What does that look mean? Elizabeth thought, as Anne looked from her to Mr Darcy with a barely perceptible nod in his direction.

"Charlie!" called Jane, "Come it is time for us to go inside before you catch a cold."

As she moved away from them, Mr Darcy took her place beside Anne, "Would you like to stay longer? I could order you some more warm bricks?" he asked softly and pressing his hand to her forehead, but she shook him off, waving goodbye, as Jane and Charlie passed and went back inside.

"I would like to go back inside; I find the fresh air has quite a tiring affect. Before we do… would either of you indulge me and place some snow into my hands?" she asked, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

Elizabeth looked at Anne as she held her hands cupped in her lap and trying not to laugh. Bending and picking up a handful of snow, she placed it into Anne's hand and watching in astonishment as the lady winked, compressed it into a ball and then threw it at Mr Darcy, who dodged it easily.

"That is no fair, sir!" Anne complained and pressed her cold hands to his cheeks.

Elizabeth and Anne giggled as Mr Darcy flinched and shuddered.

"That is funny, is it?" he questioned picking up his own handful of snow and pressing it into a ball.

Both women, gasped and lifted their hands in preparation to fend off the attack. Then turning suddenly, he launched it at Mr Bingley and catching him squarely in the face. Blubbering Mr Bingley looked at Darcy quizzically.

"Well, I could hardly pelt my wife with the snowball. In this instance you are Mrs Darcy," he shrugged unapologetically making Anne and Elizabeth fall about laughing. Anne sobering quickly when the pain in her ribs began to throb.

Mr Bingley began to form his own rather large snowball, but Mr Darcy quickly swooped Anne into his arms as his friend had been about to throw it.

"You are not playing fair, Darcy!" accused Bingley.

"I am just being a dutiful husband," he replied innocently.

"Hmmm…" replied Bingley as Darcy turned away.

Mr Darcy did not notice; however, that Anne gestured to Bingley behind his back for him to hand her his snowball. Grinning playfully, he snuck the snowball into her hand behind his friends' neck and doubled over with laughter as she rubbed it into his face.

Stopping in his tracks and turned slowly back to face Mr Bingley, only served to make the gentleman laugh harder. Elizabeth could no longer fight the contagion and began to laugh heartily along in a most unladylike fashion, as Anne tried to clean Mr Darcy's face.

"Just you wait Charles, I will get you back, but when you are least expecting it," he warned but could not hide his large, dimpled grin, as Mr Bingley's smile instantly faltered.

And so, they all made their way back into the house in much lifted spirits. It felt good to have the awkward tension between them forgotten for a short while, the reprieve made the day seem brighter and the air seem crisper. To Mrs Darcy's delight, her husband did not take her straight to her bedchamber. Instead, he deviated and settled her into the music room and once the fire was lit and tea was served, they sat waiting for Jane to join them.

"Oh, please do play for us Elizabeth," said Mr Bingley when the topic arose.

"I am sure I am not anywhere near as proficient as what you are all used to hearing. And you cannot lie to me Mr Bingley, I have heard both of your sister's play and they are very good indeed." Replied Elizabeth.

"Well, Jane has spoken of how much she loved to sit a listen to you play when you were at Longbourn together."

"Ah, but she is my sister and would hardly say I were bad, now would she?" she smiled before adding, "She is all that is good and pure. It would take a great deal for her to not see a person's virtues, and yet she would never be cruel in retaliation, only fair."

"You are not wrong," Bingley replied, speaking the words so softly they could barely be heard.

"I think I should like to hear you play, Lizzy. It would be the perfect way to celebrate my good health…" Anne said, bringing her hand to rest delicately upon her chest.

"Very well, have it your way. But I gave you fair warning as to my level of skill," Elizabeth conceded teasingly.

"Excellent!" said Anne clapping, "Fitzwilliam will help you turn the pages."

Both Elizabeth and Darcy could not hide their moment of discomfort, but Anne gave them no time to make any excuses as she immediately struck up a conversation with Mr Bingley.

It had been a long while since Elizabeth had played and cared about how her performance would be heard. Now she sat waiting for Mr Darcy to stop fidgeting beside her.

If he moves any further away from her, he will fall from his seat on the stall. I would not be surprised if he were simply hovering over the seat. She thought glancing at him, and his long legs perfectly displayed in his black trousers.

"Ready," she said in effort to distract herself from thoughts of his muscular thighs.

He nodded and watching in rapt attention as her fingers began to move over the keys, their effort hypnotic and entrancing.

"Mr Darcy?" he heard coming from somewhere distant.

"Mr Darcy?" he heard firmer this time, he looked up to find Anne and Bingley talking in hushed tones across the room, then he turned his puzzled gaze to the bewitching lady beside him.

"I need you to turn the page, I fear if I play these chords again, they will catch on…" whispered Elizabeth.

"My apologies," he said quietly, moving to reach across and turn the page.

"I suppose I could make up my own tune… but I do not have the skill nor the finesse to accomplish such the task of a composer." she teased, her breath fanning across his cheek.

Darcy looked resolutely ahead, hoping the heat he felt upon his cheeks would not reveal itself in a blush. His wife was in the room and no doubt smugly happy at her successful manipulation of everyone around her.

"Mr Darcy?" he heard Elizabeth's soft whisper again.

In his haste to look as though he had been paying attention, he moved to turn the page too quickly and his thigh brushed hers, causing her fingers to stumble over the keys. Laughing self-consciously Elizabeth looked up, their gaze's clashed and the air grew thick. Abruptly turning away and trying to focus on the music sheets blurring before her, she glanced about for a distraction.

"I wonder what they are speaking of. It looks rather involved," she said without thinking.

Mr Darcy's reaction was instant. His spine stiffened and he moved back to the other end of the bench giving her some much-needed breathing space. And though she would not allow herself in this moment, she knew that later this evening, when alone in her room she would replay how his this had pressed against hers and his smell had cocooned her. Earthy forest. Soapy cologne. Warm musk.

_Mr Darcy._

She thought subconsciously as she breathed in deeply, leaning into him a fraction more.

"Do not worry over breaking any confidences Mr Darcy. I have no doubt that we can both draw our own conclusions as to the topic of their conversation…" Elizabeth spoke watching Mr Darcy's reaction keenly.

"I shall not reveal any confidences, madam." He replied blandly.

"You will say no more?" Elizabeth asked, arching a brow.

"And what would you have me say?"

"The truth," she said, her eyes flashing with challenge.

"And what reaction do you wish from me with such a statement? The truth of what? The truth can be open to many interpretations," he said after a moment's pause.

"What a deflection, sir!" She said irritably.

"Ah, but did you not state; neither of us are to break any confidences? Perhaps if you had been bolder in your question?" he volleyed.

"And you would answer such a pointed question? Break a vow between you and your friend?" she replied with a terseness and edge to her voice, her fingers moving quicker over the keys in her agitation.

Leaning forward to turn the page, Darcy used it as the perfect excuse to bring himself closer once more. His shoulders dropping as he gave a little shake of his head before he looked at her.

"There is nothing I would not give you…" he whispered reverently. A sadness in his eyes.

The atmosphere shifted and she gave up all pretence of playing, as Jane entered the room at the same time. Agape she turned to look at Mr Darcy, who was looking at her with such an intensity she felt the longing she had felt with him before.

Elizabeth's body felt restless with a want and a need for something she did not understand.

But her anger and disappointment had her wanting to demand answers from him about Bingley and his dalliance with Lydia. Once again, she pulled herself away from the comforting caress of his stare and back to her sister who was trying valiantly to sit beside her husband, and not show her despair.

When a warm hand closed over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze claiming her attention once more.

"All will be well, I will personally see to it," Mr Darcy vowed softly, searching her countenance.

Elizabeth tried to understand him, _what would be well? My Marriage? My relationship with my family? Jane and Bingley?_

She opened her mouth to give voice to her thoughts, and instantly choked on her words as Mr Darcy's eyes dropped to her mouth and darkened. He opened his own mouth mirroring her and leaned in, his gaze unwavering from her lips… Time seemed to suspend and everything around them blurred and stilled, making that small fraction of a second feel like an hour.

Just then Miss Bingley and the Hursts bustled into the room and broke the spell that had woven its heady spell cocooning them.

He rose to his full height, his impossibly blue stare piercing her with an intensity that stole her breath. She blinked no words forthcoming; her heart was pounding.

"Thank you for indulging us. Nobody who has had the pleasure of hearing you play, could ever find anything wanting in your performance."

"Yes?" she said not uncomprehendingly.

Mr Darcy smiled gently and held out his arm to escort her back to join the return of the other guests.


	16. Chapter 16

_***THIS STORY IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED ©**_

_**BEST WISHES AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU ALL! X** _

_**Dear Readers:** This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have; I adore them, and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox 😍_

**Weekly updates xox.**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

A short while later Anne had declared herself in need of rest and Mr Darcy had carried her up to their rooms. Elizabeth felt herself able to breathe again and relaxed into the conversation around her.

"Eliza… what is going on between you and Mr Darcy?" said Caroline abruptly in her ear.

Startled Elizabeth choked on her sip of tea and cast a nervous glance about the room.

"No one is paying us any attention, my dear," Caroline speaking in softer tones. "I know in our past I was not particularly kind nor was I welcoming towards you, but I want to assure you I have grown as a person and do not harbour such feelings as I once did. True, I once wished Mr Darcy to be my husband, but I confess it was not for the man Mr Darcy was but what he could give me… I am a shallow and vain creature and do not apologise for being so. I also do harbour some discomfort at the fact that I lost my pursuit of him to someone so sickly and ordinary looking, but you can trust me if you should need to." She finished searching Elizabeth's gaze sincerely.

"Caroline, you are very kind, and I am very grateful for our friendship. You cannot know how it feels to have such a formidable ally," she said placing her hand over Caroline's hand.

"I could not agree more, but I did not miss your avoidance in answering my question. I am a woman of the world, Eliza," Caroline said pointedly. "How could I not be? I am five and twenty, and I am still unmarried and will most likely stay this way. I have known a gentleman and now have an understanding with the same gentleman. If it will make you easier, his name is Mr Mumford, and he is a solicitor. Not someone I would ever entertain marrying, but he is loyal, and I enjoy his company."

When the room grew quieter, Caroline suggested they take a turn about the room together. Linking arms, Elizabeth became awkward as she did not how to have such a conversation. True Caroline had confessed a great deal to her to gain her trust. How could she admit to something she was so unsure of herself? It was not likely to ever become anything more… was it?

"It is all right that you are unsure how to answer, my girl. But both you and Darcy did your duty and have both ended up trapped in loveless marriages. I am well aware Mr Darcy's unhappy marriage is due to different reasons… you deserve to know what it feels like to have a young and virile man worship and adore you -,"

Elizabeth blushed crimson, "I am sorry to disappoint you Caro, but it is simply not true and what is more -,"

"Do not dismiss me. It pains me to be the one to say this to you, but should your husband come back to claim you, it is his right. None can challenge that." said Caroline as they stopped at the furthest point from the rest of the occupants in the room, looking out at the falling snow.

"You are wrong. I am Anne's companion. That is my protection." She said, her voice faltering slightly.

"Elizabeth, even a simpleton can see that Anne does not have long left. I do not mean to be harsh and frighten you. When she is gone you will have nothing. Jane and Charles can try to delay Mr Collins taking you back, but for how long?"

"And your solution is for me to commit adultery? Tell me how that will fix anything?" Elizabeth said, the scene blurring before her as she looked out the window unseeingly.

"I am sorry to upset you, but do not underestimate the power of a few stolen moments. Moment's that when you are unhappy will bring you a measure of peace. I have watched you both closely and see the undeniable attraction between you both. I have never seen anything like it. It is constantly a buzz around you, my sweet girl, you deserve to be loved and know what it feels to have a man adore you… It does not mean you have to do anything you do not wish to do but enjoy a little flirtation at least."

"Why are you speaking of these things to me?" she said in distress.

"Because I know what it is to be alone and unhappy, and if it were not for Mr Mumford, I would not have any light in the darkness. It is unbearable always being the single at any event; however, when he is there, our stolen glances and kisses are everything. They do not take the place of a husband or a child, but they make their absence tolerable." Caroline finished, her eyes moving to look past Elizabeth.

Following her gaze, Elizabeth looked up to see Mr Darcy walking across the fields towards the woodland. He looked distressed as he paused a moment to look back to the house, before continuing on his way and disappearing into the trees.

"Whatever you need of me Elizabeth, you need only ask. I will from this point on be a constant in your life. Mayhap you should use your reputation as a good walker, and go for a stroll, the woods at Netherfield are so beautiful in the snow…" Caroline said with a twinkle in her eye as she walked away.

* * *

 _Stupid Elizabeth! How did I expect to find him in here, it's too dense and if anything, he has probably already made his way back to the house by now!_ Elizabeth thought with a sigh as she trudged through the snow.

Picking up a stick she began to swipe at some of the trees as she grumbled to herself.

"Why are you following him out here?" she huffed swiping at a few more low branches and moving deeper into the woods. "What do you imagine will happen?"

Then struck with a silly idea, she recalled her earlier conversation with Anne and her imaginings of children running about and pretending to fence one another with sticks…

"How hard can it be?"

Shrugging she tried to plant her feet in the snow, wobbling a little her arms outstretched in an attempt to steady herself and regain her balance. Once steady took her starting pose, her body sideways and arm with her wooden foil outstretched in front of her.

"En guarde!" she called and lunged forward hitting at the tree in front of her.

Laughing to herself she twirled and then ran jumped to hit a tree just out of her reach, only to scream in shock as a heavy weight of snow that had become dislodged came down upon her heavily, a little of it falling under the neckline of her spencer.

The sound of footsteps and a man's laughter had her whirling around in fear, stick poised to defend herself.

"Elizabeth! It is just me." said Mr Darcy, holding his hands before him in surrender.

Breathing heavily a giggle escaped her and she lowered her stick.

"Forgive me, you startled me." she blushed.

"I did not know you fenced?" he said arching his brow, gesturing to the stick.

"Oh, well, no, I was just being silly. Pray forget what you saw."

"I would say your form was sure enough, with some guidance and even ground, you will master the basics quick enough."

"Do you mock me, sir?"

He startled and raised his brows affronted, before his face settled into a frown and taking a step towards her.

"You forget your position, Mr Darcy."

"And what position would that be," he said stepping closer.

Elizabeth raised her stick, aiming at Darcy once more, "I currently hold the advantage. You are unarmed." She said, though her arm shook.

Mr Darcy noticed her tremble and moved closer still. This angered Elizabeth.

"Why do you still move forward when I could attack you?" she said, a little nervously.

Elizabeth did not feel fear, but she did feel uneasy. Afterall he was a tall, powerful man. His strength obvious in the way he walked and carried himself, if he desired too, he could easily overpower her.

As if reading her mind, he said, "Because men are arrogant and true you could strike me once, perhaps twice, but it would not be much of a defence should I wish to disarm and subdue you. I am built to be stronger, my natural instincts as a man are to be a hunter and a provider."

Elizabeth gasped and tried to swipe at him, he caught the stick with ease and tugged it free from her grasp. She stumbled backwards, momentarily losing her footing as her eyes darted about looking for an escape.

"I am not going to hurt you. Do not ever let your opponent see your fear. Again." He said passing the stick back to her and stepping backwards.

"What?" she asked incredulously.

"I want you to try again."

"What is the point of this exercise if you say I will never have the hope of overpowering a man." She snapped.

"Ah, but that is because woman is not taught how to defend themselves. Use that to your advantage." He instructed.

"And what advantage does a woman's ignorance have against a man's predatorial instincts?" she countered tersely.

"Think on it. Do not be defeated so easily," he said watching her ire rise, "I am not being unkind, but practical. You will not receive kindness or sympathy from an attacker."

Her eyes flashed as they locked with his icy stare.

_What is he playing at? How much did he know?_

"What is the point you are trying to make?"

"My point is that no man will ever expect a woman capable of overpowering him. Use our arrogance against us."

Without preamble she lunged again, he caught the blow easily taking the stick from her and twisting her so that her back was pressed against his front and her arms crossed in front of her. Instantly panic overwhelmed her and she struggled to breath as her blood roared in her ears.

"Do not panic. Think. What could you do next?" she distantly heard Mr Darcy say. "Breath and think…"

"I cannot."

"Yes, you can."

She began to struggle but it was useless he was not even exerting much strength to keep her his prisoner.

"Think of a man's weakest points; his neck and his stomach will catch him unawares. But the most affective of all is-"

"Please, let me go!" she demanded and almost fell when he released her without hesitation.

Elizabeth turned sharply to face him, her chest heaving. He looked back at her unapologetically and shrugged expectantly.

"Why? What is it that you want?"

"I was trying to help," he replied softly.

"No, you were trying to frighten me! Everybody seems intent on that purpose of late!" she riled.

He scoffed, "You were not frightened!"

"How would you know? You do not live my life, nor walk in my shoes!"

"Stop being a victim," he said seriously.

Elizabeth snapped and moved to slap him, but he caught her wrist before it connected with his cheek.

"There she is!" He said his face inches from hers, "Now, if you are to hit a man, you should know where it is best to aim and how to throw a proper punch. A man may be stronger, but women are lighter on their feet making them faster."

Then taking her hand within his, he curled her fingers into her palm and created a fist. She closed her palm and started a little when he chuckled.

"Keep your thumb out, pull it in tight against your fingers, you will break it if it is enclosed within them. Yes, just like that…" he said his words trailing off as their gazes connected. His thumb stroking her closed fist distractedly, as his gaze softened, caused a shiver of awareness to run through her.

Unaware of what she was doing Elizabeth so lost in his stormy gaze, leaned up onto the tips of her toes and watched as he painfully slowly leaned into her, giving her every opportunity to stop him. When his lips finally met hers in softest of whispers, Elizabeth's eyes fluttered closed, and a soft sigh escaped her. He pulled back in disbelief looking down at her, waiting as she slowly opened her eyes, slightly dazed.

Her lips parted in invitation and he brought his thumb up to trace her plump lower lip, and leaning in once more, he kissed her anew, with less hesitation and more confidence, before pulling away and searching her eyes so that he was certain that she welcomed his attentions. He kissed her once more keeping his eyes open as his lips applied a gently pressure on her and soon the kiss melted into a more passionate embrace that stole all rational thought.

His mouth met hers again and again and soon all her thoughts fluttered away, everything irrelevant but the sensations she was suddenly experiencing. His lips began sliding across hers, jolting her like a bolt of lightning. She stiffened then turned into a rag doll, entirely boneless and at his mercy.

_So, this was a real kiss._

Because her lips were already parted it was little effort for Darcy to open them further and press his tongue forward enquiringly. She made a noise of shock but before he could pull his head away, Elizabeth brought her fingers trailing up his arms and to rest on his shoulders. He stopped fighting in that moment and just gave himself over to the feeling of having Elizabeth in his arms. Bringing his free hand up to grasp the back of her neck and keep her head in place. Tasting and caressing them softly.

It was a little awkward and shockingly apparent that Elizabeth had little or no experience in kissing. He nearly broke the kiss to ask her if she had been kissed before and to try to read how she was feeling, but then, daringly she tried to kiss him back. It was clumsily done as she shakily tried to follow his example, he instantly understood her intention and slowed his caress, dropping his hands from her and allowed her to take control of the kiss. Once again, his ardour flamed and he could not resist claiming back the control, only to relinquish it again. Pulling back slightly to catch their breath, Darcy gave into temptation and with his passion coursing through him began to trail kisses along her jaw and to sensitive spot behind her ear.

Her body began to tremble with shivers as her nerves began to pulse and flutter within her.

His hot gaze seemed to burn into her skin, and Elizabeth felt herself pinken with embarrassment.

"You are so very lovely, Elizabeth. You are not like other ladies," He said with small tilt of his head.

"Does that disappoint you?"

"Not, in the least." He murmured and then kissed her, his hot gaze almost black with his desire, and she felt herself pinken in her embarrassment at being looked at with such appeal until he distracted her in capturing her mouth once again, with his searing kiss.

His lips and cheeks were cold, the tip of his nose pressed against her cheek warm from the flush heating them. If her head were not spinning with the headiness of their kiss she would have giggled and teased him. Nothing had ever felt so right. His hand now resting on her waist with a gentle pressure which did not frighten her, it only served to make her feel stronger and safe. She did not want this feeling to end, this moment and this man would be burned into her memory for all eternity.

Elizabeth gasped as her back connected with the tree behind her, she had not even been cognizant that she had been moving, eyes open she broke the kiss in search of air and watched Darcy take a few steps back, watching her with vivid interest as, like her, he sought to catch his breath.

She instantly felt the loss of his touch and his closeness.

"Forgive me, I have the greatest affection for you. I was... I got carried away... My behavior is inexcusable-,"

"Don't," Elizabeth cut in, "Do not apologized for what we have just shared, I beg you!"

"Elizabeth, I -,"

"Stop! This is not something to apologize for." She could not bear it if he told her he regretted the moment. It was the sweetest thing she had ever experienced and know she would cherish it always. She could not have it tarnished.

"Why?" he asked tentatively.

The question took her by surprise, and she searched a long moment for the proper answer.

"I-I-..."

"I have shocked you and behaved like a brute. It is no excuse, but I could not help myself." He said ashamed.

"Please," she begged, hardly capable of speaking, "Allow me this stolen moment. Allow me to pretend that we have done nothing wrong."

Darcy could not find the right words to say. He desperately wanted to comfort her and tell Elizabeth of how he wished that he had not been so dismissive of his feelings and his pride to be so easily wounded that he had walked away after the Netherfield ball. But in the same breath he would not deny the freedom and better quality of life their marriage had given Anne.

She walked towards him then, and with all the courage she owned, Elizabeth reached up on her toes and kissed him tenderly upon his cheek and fled.

He did not respond immediately. His surprise evident that he had been in ignorant of her feelings for him.

"Elizabeth!" Mr Darcy called after her, but she did not stop. She kept running until she reached her bedchamber and locked herself within.

Leaning against the door, she pressed her hands to her lips in wonder...

_How will I ever be the same again?_


	17. Chapter 17

_***THIS STORY IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED ©** _

_**BEST WISHES AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU ALL! X** _

_**Dear Readers:** This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning._

_Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have; I adore them, and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox 😍_

**Weekly updates xox.**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

When her heart had finally calmed, Elizabeth felt restless and began pacing her room. She was so confused with the emotions and thoughts bombarding her. Her excitement bubbling over as it filled her in a wild rush. For the first time in recent years, Elizabeth felt herself absorbed with a vast sense of possibility. Suspended from her life as Mrs Collin's she had made another step in severing the chord that had her bound to her awful cousin, the feeling that he owned her was slowly releasing her from its grip. In this moment the terror that had shackled her began to weaken and she knew without a doubt the key to her freedom was in her current elation and hope.

Mr Darcy was her hope, but Caroline gave her the confidence she needed to be bold and take what she needed for herself. Her new friend had been correct; the stolen moments and secret pleasure will light our path in the darkness.

Elizabeth smoothed her skirts and decided to go in search of a diversion as she was too restless to stay put in her room with her mind whirring.

Paying no heed to where her feet were taking her, she soon heard the raised voice of her sister Jane and hurried her pace. Jane sounded distressed and not all like herself.

Had something happened to Charlie? Elizabeth panicked.

Rounding the corner, she saw Jane's profile as she faced Mr Bingley. Both pink in the face with their anger as they quarrelled.

"Jane, please, do not do this!" pleaded Bingley.

"Do what?" she snapped, crossing her arms under her chest.

"Dismiss me! You will not even attempt to help me to understand this situation. Nor, will try to listen to my side of things. You have simply cut me off. I miss you, Jane, and I refuse to go any longer without my wife."

"Go without your wife!" she scoffed inelegantly, "Do not try to fool me with your words, you have not gone without a wife. I am still here am I not?"

"No, you are not. You are only in my company for the sake of appearances. That is not a wife and I will not tolerate this behaviour!" he said with a firm tone, only his irritation letting him down in his attempt to take control of the situation.

Elizabeth knew she should have left them to their privacy for such an intimate conversation, but she knew what one's husband could be capable off if pushed into a rage. Suddenly, Bingley looked a lot taller, broader and altogether more intimidating and so, heart racing, she held her position, ready should she need to defend her sister.

"Oh, now I understand… you are simply wanting me to warm your bed. Well Charles, you must be out of your mind if you think that is going to happen!"

"And why is it so wrong that I desire you? Tell me?" he huffed, clearly bristling at her sarcasm.

"Because you seduced my sister, in the very bed that we shared!" she hissed, moving towards him and poking him harshly in the chest.

He moved to grasp her shoulders, but Jane shrugged him off and turned away from him, bracing her arms on the wall, resting her forehead to the plaster and moving her head from left to right.

"I cannot forget the image of finding you with her," Jane sobbed.

Bingley moved once more and rested his forehead upon her neck. Jane moved to push him off, but an anguished sob escaped her, and she did not manage it. Instead, his hands moved to hold her about her waist, and she allowed him to support her.

"Jane," he whispered.

"How could you?!" she sobbed.

"Jane, I promise you I did not. I could not. I love you!" he vowed and kissed her neck.

"No!" she pushed him away. Turning to face and wiping the backs of her hands over her eyes at her tears, "I saw you, with my own eyes, Charles. I wish you would not persist in lying to me. If you could admit that you did wrong, then we might be able to work through this..." she whispered, and Bingley straightened his expression going hard.

"I will not admit to something I did not do! And one day I will prove it to you –"

"Please, enough!" Jane said softly, cutting him off.

"But, have you never considered how much Charlie does not resemble me?" he tried.

"Enough!" Jane snapped, stronger this time as she walked away leaving Bingley alone in the corridor.

Releasing a harsh curse, he turned and paled upon seeing Elizabeth.

Collecting himself he bowed.

"Mrs Collins," he said quietly, failing to offer his usual cheeriness.

Elizabeth nodded in response and walked towards him intending to go after Jane. When she drew level with him, she tensed as he spoke.

"I did not do this. I will prove it to Jane if it is the last thing I do!" he vowed and then walked away, leaving Elizabeth to gape after him for a moment before continuing on after Jane.

Elizabeth found Jane in her room and sat with her, rocking her until she finally cried herself to sleep. Standing quietly, she covered her sister and quit her room, deciding she would sit with Anne a little before dinner. Mayhap they would dine together in her rooms… but then she would not have a chance to see Darcy if she did that and –

Gasping she halted her hand just as she was reaching the Darcy's private apartments as shame washed over her.

How can I possibly go in there and pretend as though I have not kissed her husband!

Disgust settled like a lead weight in her stomach. She looked at Bingley and Jane, with pity and disappointment and she is doing exactly what Bingley is being accused of. Granted, it was becoming more and more apparent that the situation between Bingley and Lydia was not as it seemed… Elizabeth was knowingly allowing herself to give into her depraved and wicked wants, without considering the feeling of the innocent who would be caught in the crossfire! She had just spent an hour or more comforting her distraught sister, who was grieving the loss of her husband to another.

"Ma'am?"

Elizabeth jumped with a small shout and turned to see Anne's maid next to her.

"I did not mean to startle you. Mrs Darcy is currently sleeping; I think she will most probably sleep the rest of the day. Her excursion outdoors fatigued her."

"Of course, thank you. I will check back on Mrs Darcy before dinner."

Turning away, Elizabeth wandered what Darcy was feeling over their passionate interlude…

Why won't you look at me?

Elizabeth thought with great distress. Mr Darcy had been late to dinner and so had joined them after the first course had been served. Which only served to keep Elizabeth in the dark and feeling that the gentleman in question was going to great lengths to avoid her.

Darcy did not appear at all uncomfortable or ill at ease. He was as he always was; impeccably dressed, his countenance severe and his conversation sparce. Inside he felt as though his gut was twisting. Her distinct perfume floated to where he sat awkwardly and assaulted his sense, completely robbing him of the ability to speak or take in the conversations around him. He had been desperate to see her before their meal but had taken the time to check in on Anne. His intentions had been honourable, and he has wanted to be honest with Anne as they always had been with each other, but she had told him that they would talk later.

"Annie, I would much rather speak with you now. I must beg your forgiveness –"Darcy had begun.

"Fitzwilliam," she had whispered with a sincere smile. "There is no need to apologize. I know what you wish to say, and I am happy for you. Please, go and enjoy your meal and we will have a brandy afterwards together." Anne had said before her eyes dropped with her fatigue and she fell asleep.

He had waited with her until she was soundly asleep and hurried to dress, aware that he was missing the first course as it was. Upon entering the dining room, he has not wanted to draw anymore attention by looking for Elizabeth, he did not need to, his awareness of her had his skin prickling and his lips tingling in remembrance of their soft embrace.

When he did finally turn his eyes towards her, his gaze was inscrutable as it tangled with hers. She was breathtakingly beautiful, a vision that captivated him and made his heart skip a beat. Darcy was seated the length of the table away from her, but still close enough to devastate her ability to think clearly. Her awareness of him affected her every breath and movement. She looked down at her plate and pushed her food around in an attempt to gather herself. Her confusion unsettling her.

"Eliza?"

"Hmm?" she replied distantly, turning to a concerned Caroline.

"Eliza, we were just saying how wonderful it will be to perhaps have you join us in town for the season next year?" Caroline said.

"Oh, yes, you would be most welcome to be guest at our home," said Louisa, sincerely.

"Oh, I am not sure what my plans are, but if Mrs Darcy can spare me, I should like to visit you in town."

"Oh, you must!" said Caroline squeezing her hand gently. "Louisa and I agreed that we would love to have you accompany us to our Lady's Liberation Club," she added at Elizabeth shocked expression.

"Pah, Lady's Club! What do you ladies need a club for. Surely that is what afternoon tea is for?" scoffed Mr Hurst, guzzling more wine.

Louisa rolled her eyes but looked more amused than annoyed.

"At our Lady's Liberation club, we discuss female authors, write our own pieces, talk about politics and how to progress women's independence! We also allow a little time to discuss the latest fashions… we are still ladies after all." Chuckled Louisa.

"And of course, if we time it thoughtfully, you will be there to coincide with Lady Crystalthorpe's annual orchid exhibition. It is said that this year she has procured the rarest orchid in existance! Rumour say that it only flowers under the caress of the moonlight for one week and so her exhibition starts just before the sun sets." Added Caroline excitedly.

"That sounds beautiful!" gasped Jane animatedly.

"Yes, there are all sorts of diversions and entertainments to be had once the nightfall descends! But Jane you must come along too!" said Louisa merrily.

"Oh, I did not mean to push for an invitation…"

"Pish! We would not imagine going without you. The more the merrier!" said Caroline as Louisa nodded her agreement.

"I believe I speak for us both, when I say you have made it impossible for us to refuse!" gushed Elizabeth.

"Who knows, if Anne is recovered by then, you might spend the entire season with the Darcy's in town. I am sure Charles can be convinced to do the same! We can attend the theatre and shop on Bond Street…" continued Caroline, turning to Jane and Louisa.

Elizabeth chose this moment to steal another look towards the other end of the table to where Darcy and Bingley were talking quietly. Her eyes watched as his strong hands gripped his cutlery and cut into the dessert on his plate and brought a mouthful to his full lips. Mesmerised Elizabeth watched as he dabbed at his lips with his napkin, before taking a sip of his wine, her breath catching as his tongue crept out to lick at a droplet of the claret still lingering on his lips… Fire seemed to kindle in a spot just below her stomach with a steady pulse. She imagined what his throat might look like as he swallowed and what it would feel like if she pressed her lips to it…sighing wistfully, she turned at the feel of a hand on hers.

"Are you well, Eliza?" asked Caroline quietly.

"I… well, I am conflicted." She replied.

"Did something happen between you and D-"

"Shh!" hissed Elizabeth glancing around.

"Well? Did it?" Caroline persisted in hushed tones.

"Yes! But now he is ignoring me!"

"I see…"

Caroline had been about to answer when fortuitously the dinner was ended and the ladies were to separate from the gentlemen. They moved to the drawing room and settled into pairs, continuing on their conversations from the dinner table.

"Tell me exactly what passed between you both and how you parted ways." Said Caroline directly.

"The short of it is… we kissed and then he apologised and so I ran away from him," Elizabeth admitted blushing and cringing at her silly behaviour.

"Did he seem cross?" Asked Caroline.

"Well, no…"

"And have you seen him since?"

"No…"

"Then I would advise you do not worry over this anymore until you have spoken with him. I can help you to orchestrate it if you need but it would probably be best not to force it. I do not doubt he will seek you out and I am not vastly experienced, but men do not tend to prevaricate and will be direct in his intentions." Said Caroline confidently.

"I suppose you are right. But I am feeling very conflicted."

"In what regard?" She asked her expression full of concern.

"Well, I do want to kiss him again. In fact, I am quite driven to distraction by it, but the guilt and uncertainty of this possibility and even thinking such things makes me feel criminal." She said sadly.

"Elizabeth, I would not with you to do anything you are uncomfortable with, but if you are feeling guilty on Anne's behalf, I can tell you she is aware of your connection with Darcy. It is odd but it seems as though she supports the idea. The way she watches the both of you together and tries to manipulate you into conversations and spending time with one another. I doubt she would have asked you to be her companion if she harboured any feelings of jealousy."

"What do you mean?" Elizabeth frowned in confusion.

"I think it best you speak with Anne; I am sure she has probably left you plenty of hints in your past conversations together and like I said, her health sadly appears to be waning and perhaps she feels you might be the right person to help Darcy with such a burden… I have observed them in their marriage, and I cannot say what kind of love they have for one another, but it does not scream of passion." Caroline said with a small shrug, turning away and leaving Elizabeth with her thoughts.

A short while later the gentleman joined the ladies and after a brief hesitation Darcy made his way towards Elizabeth, but she was so caught up in her thoughts she had not noticed his approach. Looking up she started when she saw him stood before her, studying her.

"May I?" he asked, gesturing to the seat beside her.

Words failed her as she nodded her ascent mutely.

"Forgive me for not seeking you out sooner, I had not intended to arrive late for dinner…" he trailed off a little awkwardly.

"No, it is quite all right. I spent some time with Jane…"

"Yes, you must have much to share now that you do not have the luxury of seeing each other daily."

"You are not wrong," she said, her hands smoothing her skirts nervously. "Did you? That is, I meant to ask if you had a pleasant afternoon?"

Looking at her, Darcy smiled and moved to take her hand in a comforting gesture, when –

"Darcy! Elizabeth! Come and join us we are going to sing some carols." Called Bingley, making Darcy snatch his hand back in alarm and Elizabeth to jump.

"Wait for me in the library, before you retire. I will come to you, we need to talk," he said as he stood and not waiting for her reply, turned to the rest of the room. "Bingley spare us all the torture of hearing you sing and allow the ladies to enchant us with their lovely melodies," Darcy ribbed at Bingley, causing the room to fill with laughter.

Why did I wait here for him? What if he forgets and retires for the evening?

"Calm down, Lizzy! It has not even been ten minutes." She admonished herself for her lack of patience.

She took up pacing in front of the mantle, trying desperately to organise her thoughts before Mr Darcy arrived, so that she could appear in control and keep her composure when alone with him. They had important things they needed to address. She could not bear to continue in this state of uncertainty.

Click.

Turning at the sound of the door closing she froze, and her mind instantly turned to mush when their gazes cashed and held. He was still immaculately dressed in his coat, waistcoat and expertly tied cravat, the picture of a fine English gentleman. His eyes almost cobalt in the low light as he took her in from head to toe. Her eyes dropped to his lips and the air grew thicker, poignant and tense. Everything else fell away. Her questions, her uncertainty, her guilt, until all the was left was him and her. All she could do was drink in the sight of him, so big, powerful and handsome. His dark hair slightly ruffled as usual only added to his masculine beauty, as he stood there looking at her with such a fierce adoration. It made her heart ache.

Darcy moved, his long muscular legs, bringing him closer, and her heart fluttered wildly in her chest.

"Elizabeth," he said, the delicious baritone of his voice sent shivers down her spine and to the tips of her toes.

"Mr Darcy," she said breathlessly. She wanted to call him by his christian name but at the same time needed to keep a modicum of distance between them. Inhaling deeply, she felt her knees go weak at the heady mixture of musk, soap and Darcy.

"I came here to speak, but I fear that now I know the taste of your lips I will never have my fill of you." He said bringing a hand to cradle her cheek.

Elizabeth leant into the gentle caress and allowed herself to believe in the fairy tale, without any of the obstacles and emotions reality brought with it. She watched as his lips tilted into a soft smile as he lowered his head towards her. Hey eyes fluttered closed as he pressed his mouth to hers. Gently as first, taking his time to worship and taste her lips. Needing the additional support, she brought her hands up to hold his wrists where his hands still cupped her face.

Opening up to him, she allowed him to taste her. He tasted of sweet strawberries and aromatic smoky flavour of brandy. A small whimper escaped her as he angled her head and deepened the kiss, giving themselves over to the luxury of being present in this moment without any other invading thoughts.

Darcy groaned and his heart pounded as he gave in and relinquished his control. Kissing her deeply he sucked her plump lower lip into his mouth, nipping at it as he released it. Elizabeth was a revelation, bright and glowingly beautiful. Her kiss ignited a passion that had not existed for him before. He was a man of the world and had known women before, but it had never been like this. Her small hands gripping his wrists as she came alive in his arms. She made him reckless. Without a thought he brought his hands trailing down her back and found purchase on the gentle flare of her hips, his hands bunching her skirts in his need to stake his claim on her, fuelling his desire.

Elizabeth couldn't seem to get enough, he was kissing her, but she wanted to be closer to him as her hands moved to rest upon his shoulders as she arched into him, causing him to shudder and move his hands to cup her bottom with a little squeeze. Gasping she began to feel overwhelmed by the feelings he was stirring in her body. She could not understand them and began overthink what was happening. Unwelcome thoughts soon found their way into her mind.

And what of tomorrow?What of Anne? A dangerous voice whispered in her head.

As if hearing her thoughts, and sensing her distress, he gentled the kiss before pulling away from her and looking down at her now swollen lips and unfocused gaze.

Beautiful.

Moving he guided her to sit with him on the settee. Part of his brain remembered that he needed to speak with her and find out how she was coping with all this. These past few weeks had been full of great many changes for her, and it was bound to take its toll. He would not allow himself to take advantage of her if she was in such a weakened state.

Feeling a sudden awkwardness at his abrupt change, she sat dazed for a moment unsure of how to sit or what to say when he pulled into his side and tucked her head under his chin. After a moment of shock at this new intimacy, she relaxed into him, looking at his strong hand resting on one of his thighs. The small hairs adorning his fingers and the glint of his signet ring in the fire light hypnotic.

"Elizabeth, I should like to speak with you about this delicate situation we find ourselves in." he said as he continued to rub her shoulder soothingly.

She listened to his heartbeat, steady and strong, like him, and wanted more than anything to place her hand over his. But refrained, unsure of what he would say next.

He stopped his gentle caress and waited for her response, but it did not come.

"You do not wish to talk?" he asked softly.

"I am unsure of what to say." She whispered.

"Elizabeth?"

He leaned away trying to look at her, but she had angled herself so that he could not see her face.

"Will you not look at me?" he asked, gently touching her chin.

Allowing him to tilt her face towards his for a moment, before she pulled away from him and moved to the other end of the settee.

Darcy looked at her in confusion, but patiently waited for her to speak.

"I am afraid of this conversation." She admitted. "I feel so guilty for what I have done with you, and disgusted with my lack of self control, but I am selfish because I believe I would not have behaved differently if I could relive this day again…"

"Elizabeth, you are not the guilty party here. We have both behaved in a way we know we should not have, but like you I am helpless to resist this connection we have. Elizabeth, there is something I need to ask you. You are going through a great deal at the moment, and I need to know if I have steered you or pressured you in any manner. I -"

"I beg your pardon?" she interrupted uncertain as to whether she should feel angry and touched by his words.

"I am no fool, I know before now, we have rarely understood each other, and only just tolerated being in the same company. I need to know that what I feel for you is reciprocated and that I am not simply a distraction or worse that you might feel pressured by my actions to-"

Cutting him off once more, "Sir, you are wrong on both accounts! But before I give my answer as to my feeling's I need to know what yours are. Am I a passing fancy to you Mr Darcy? Will you wish to keep me as your wife's companion by day and your mistress by night?" she demanded her ire rising.

He paled and stood as if she had struck him.

"How could you ever believe me to be such a man? I think it fairly obvious; that I think very highly of you."

"What do you expect me to believe? You are married."

"As are you." he flung back.

"And you ignored me completely at dinner!" She threw at him petulantly.

"What did you expect me to do? Pull you onto my lap and ravish you in front of everyone?" He mocked.

"Obviously not!" She snapped.

"Then what?!" He demanded.

"I think you'll agree that our tempers and circumstances in life; my husband and your wife, has brought this delicate situation to an abrupt end," she choked, striding passed him to the door.

"But you see, this is where the guilt settles in. I do not think of my wife, the way that I picture you. It is not my wife that has me captivated and waiting with bated breath for any smiles or laughter that might be bestowed upon me."

Elizabeth stayed rooted the spot, between Mr Darcy and the door, scarcely daring to breath.

"You see, Elizabeth, I adore you and your temper and the way it makes your eyes sparkle. I like the flush your temper brings to your cheeks. I also like you without your temper. I like you, Lizzy. I like you very much indeed."


	18. Chapter 18

***THIS STORY IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED©**

**Dear Readers:** This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.

Please do leave a review and any thoughts you have; I adore them, and I am always excited when I see the notification in my inbox. xox.

**Updated weekly. 🥳**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Turning slowly to face Darcy, Elizabeth could not explain her feelings.

It would be so easy for both of them to resent the other. They had both made mistakes at the beginning of their acquaintance and throughout their separation, held onto their unfavourable opinions, but neither could fight this inexplicable pull to the other.

Though she did not doubt his declaration, Elizabeth couldn't drop her guard completely, not yet. This had now changed, the dynamic between them had shifted and though she had fooled herself into believing she would be able to part ways with him after finding joy and passion in his arms… she now understood, that she would lose a piece of herself to him.

Could her fragile heart bear such a brutal affliction?

Squaring her shoulders, she levelled him with an inscrutable look, needing to test him to ascertain how serious he was about her. Not a man to court scandal, would he stand by her if they were discovered? Would he lose respect for her?

"You like me, Mr Darcy?" she said archly, watching the uncertainty alter Mr Darcy's posture and felt a pang of guilt before she pushed it aside.

Walking towards him, she moved to the sideboard and poured herself a finger of brandy into one of the tumblers and held it up into the flickering firelight.

"I have discovered that I like brandy." She said taking a sip, "I like it very much, indeed."

Looking back at him she saw hurt flash in his eyes, before he masked it. The air changed becoming dark and tense. Elizabeth flinched as he took a step forward.

"I understand you perfectly, Mrs Collins," he said coldly.

Elizabeth flinched at his use of her married name.

"And what is it you understand?" she asked, a little numbly.

"That you were merely toying with me. I understand you do not wish to further this interlude and I will not press the issue further." He said, not looking at her but striding towards the door.

"You are wrong," she whispered so softly she was not sure he had heard her.

"Pray, enlighten me then." Came the terse reply from behind her.

Elizabeth looked to him, her expression hard and her posture tense as she pinned him with and unflinching stare.

"How arrogant you are to presume to dictate my desires, Mr Darcy," she snapped.

The anger flaring within the depths of her gaze only seemed to ignite his desire further. Cursing under his breath, Darcy struggled to still the huger scorching through him. His body and his mind conflicted as he fought the urge to claim her lips.

"I would never presume anything where you are concerned," Mr Darcy stated keeping his tone calm. Needing to distract himself he shrugged out of his jacket, his muscles rippling under his shirt drawing her gaze and quickening her pulse.

Allowing herself to watch him as he worked, she noticed with a small triumphant smile, that he was not merely looking away from her, but turning so that he could hide his discomposure.

"Men!" she scoffed, crossing her arms about her chest.

"Pardon?" he queried.

"You are all the same. Driven by your own selfish needs!" Elizabeth accused.

"Is that so?"

"Yes! We only have to look to the master in residence of this very home. Mr Bingley, who is everything an upstanding gentleman should be on the surface… but, underneath his smiles and jovial disposition he is just the same."

"You would pass judgement so freely on a situation, you do not fully understand?"

"It does not take an academic to figure out what he did! And with his wife's youngest sister!" she bated, no longer knowing what to believe and lashing out.

"Charles, has no recollection of this incident," replied Darcy calmly.

"Convenient."

Heaving a sigh, he gestured widely with both arms, before planting them firmly on his narrow hips, "I see that you wish to change the topic and I will allow it for now, as I will not have a good man's name abused with such accusations. I have never seen Charles so drunk that he forgets his morals or good sense! And what would his reasoning be to indulge to such an extreme that he cannot recall taking your youngest sister to bed?"

"Are you calling Jane, a liar?" She replied indignantly.

Raking his hands roughly through his already chaotic locks, Darcy shook his head, "Not Mrs Bingley, no."

Letting out a harsh bubble of laughter, "I knew you thought my family beneath you, but to question the moral integrity of an innocent young girl, who does not know the way of the world."

"I know you think very little of men, and it is understandable given your experience. But you have to admit that Miss Lydia's behaviour is callous and insensitive, which makes her appear ingenuine and dishonest."

Gasping her indignation, Elizabeth struggled to find the words to refute his claim.

"If you could look at it from an unbiased viewpoint. When had Miss Lydia ever shown any inclination to Bingley? Why would she wish to do such a thing to her sister, by insinuating herself between them, a newly married couple?" he demanded.

"He could have charmed her; he could have forced her." She accused.

"It doesn't add up and would you were not so angry, you would see the gaps and inconsistencies too."

"It appears you are quick to defend Mr Bingley, you believe him superior to Lydia. It is always the same. When a wrong has been done to a woman, who is there to defend her? Who will make it right? Is she always to be held accountable, for simply existing in her womanly form?"

"You speak of an unfortunate reality," he admitted.

"A woman must seek her own justice, it would seem. Our circumstances do not allow that it will be granted to us as easily as it might be you," she strongly.

"There I feel that you are too harsh in your judgement. Not all men are depraved. I do not believe that simply being a man gives me absolution of wrong-doing."

"You say that, but you are a wealthy gentleman who I doubt would ever know what it is like to be at another's mercy."

"True, but that is not because I am a man, that is because of my principles and my father's example. I will not apologise for my existence! I am proud of my family name and our reputation; it was not easily gained." He said hotly.

"Oh yes, I forgot that you are a man without fault!" She spat more annoyed that he had made valid points and caused more than a little doubt to settle in her mind.

"I am not –"

"Please, do not crowd me. You are close enough," she blurted in a shaky voice, startled by his sudden stride in her direction.

Instantly he stopped mid step, placing his foot instead behind him so as to lean away from her a fraction.

A wave of calm rushed over Elizabeth at the ease with which she had been able to command him. It almost undid her to behold the look in his eyes and the instant affect her words had on him. Darcy had not had a moment's hesitation before stopping. With him it was instinctual, he would never take that which was not given to him. Elizabeth noticed that he shifted slightly as if trying to lessen his height, drawing her gaze again to the ripple of muscle and sinew beneath his white shirt, both a temptation and a warning of danger. It shocked her to realise the warning of danger did not frighten her, but instead heightened her awareness to her attraction to him. Glancing away to hide her emotions, she realised from the look on his face perhaps she had spoken too vehemently.

Darcy's brow furrowed as he studied her, trying to read her thoughts. But then softening his expression he moved with obvious intent to sit in a chair next to him. He crossed one leg over the other and watcher her expectantly waiting for her to speak, giving her the power to continue their conversation or leave without the fear that he would try to stop her.

"I was not thinking clearly, and I spoke out of turn. Not about Mr Bingley, I will never not defend my family. But I do apologise for my accusation towards you. I do not know what to say of my behaviour just now…" she said quietly.

"You need not say anything. If you would like to sit in silence we may. If you would like me to leave, I will. Or if you wish to leave then you do not need my permission nor will I take any offence to you quitting my company," he said gently.

After mulling over the options, he had spoken "I think I should like to stay," she said cautiously.

"If you like, but know you may leave whenever you wish," he assured her once more.

Darcy knew not what had startled her, but he knew one thing for certain, Mr Collins should be very careful should he ever find himself in his company.

"Yes," she said unable to look away, as he placed his hands in his lap and continued to study her with concern. Elizabeth knew Mr Darcy desired her, in fact his gaze held more passion and hunger than her husbands, ever had. It was in the way he looked her, even when angry and arguing with her. The way in which his gaze caressed a path from her hair all the way to the hem of her skirts and back each time he saw her.

"I fear you are disappointed with what you see and what I am, Mrs - Elizabeth," he said softly looking at her once more, a peculiar look crossing his face.

"I thought you said that you would not presume anything where I am concerned?" she teased.

"Ah, I had forgotten your joy for professing opinions which are not your own," he teased back.

Elizabeth seemed to fight an inner war with herself, battling fear and anxiety and through it all remained a stubborn streak of determination.

"You are safe with me, Elizabeth," he assured her.

"Thank you, Mr Darcy. I feel I should like to retire for the evening. I bid you goodnight." Bobbing a small curtsey, she waited for him to stand.

Instead, Darcy offered a small nod, "Goodnight, Elizabeth."

Walking slowly, aware of his eyes on her, watching her, Elizabeth's skin thrummed. Upon reaching the door she turned to look back at him.

"I like you, too." She whispered, watching as his mouth dropped open and his eyes sparked, and then she left and went to her rooms, humming softly under her breath. Hoping that she had done enough to convince Darcy, not to give up on her. Not to give up on them. Not yet.

Perhaps she shouldn’t have said she liked him after all, what future did they really have?

* * *

Anne sat up in bed, trying to muster the strength to get through the day without causing anyone to worry or fuss over her, it was Christmas day after all. Stifling a yawn as her maid, Sally came in and set down a tray of hot tea at her bedside, Anne winced as her ribs and throat expanded awkwardly due to their bruising. She and Fitzwilliam had spent most of the night talking and she felt a great relief knowing that he was coming around to her way of thinking. His guilt had saddened her, because she knew he felt like a cad for behaving in such a fashion while she was confined to her rooms. She just wanted him to be happy, and in all honesty she was enjoying playing matchmaker!

Now to the matter at hand... from what she had gathered from Fitzwilliam's uncomfortable nods and throat clearing, it was Elizabeth who now was in need of convincing!

Looking over to the door to Fitzwilliam's room, she lifted her hand to get Sally's attention.

"Is Mr Darcy awake?" she said a little weakly.

"No, Ma'am. I just saw his valet and he said he is still abed. Should I ask him to wake, Mr Darcy?" asked the maid, standing.

"Ah, no. Let us allow him to sleep. He's always been early to rise, so he must be tired!" she said with a small smile.

"Of course. Would you like some breakfast?"

"Perhaps in a little while, I am feeling quite content with my tea."

"As you wish," she bobbed.

A knock on the door, drew their attention and Anne was shocked to find Elizabeth hovering in the doorway.

"Elizabeth. Come in, why are you hovering upon the threshold?" she teased.

"Good morning Anne." She said walking over. "I fear I neglected you a little yesterday. How are you feeling?"

"Please, sit. Would you like some tea?"

"Oh, that would be lovely." Elizabeth mumbled, pouring herself a cup.

"Are you going to stand and drink, or do you have time to sit with me a little while?"

"Of course, I am sorry, my mind is a little preoccupied." Elizabeth mumbled.

"Sally, that will be all, thank you." she said dismissing the maid, "Are you well, Lizzy? You look a little tired. Was last night an indulgent one?" she asked with a wink.

"Goodness! Where are my manners? How are you feeling? And happy Christmas!" Lizzy replied guiltily.

"I am well, I am well, do not fret." Anne replied, chuckling slightly and then frowning at the pain.

"I am sorry, Anne." She whispered, with an uncomfortable blush.

Watching her closely Anne, allowed this moment of silence to figure out how she would broach the topic of the recent developments between Lizzy and Fitzwilliam.

"You are not taking breakfast with Mr Darcy?" she asked looking about nervously.

"No, he is most likely up and riding, you know as well as I by now how he enjoys a good gallop across the rolling countryside." Anne lied.

"Ah, of course!" Elizabeth sighed, visibly relaxing in her seat.

"It pleases me that the two of you are getting along so well. I know he doesn't make the best first impression and with you acting as my companion you will be spending a lot of time with each other. It is nice to know you can be alone together, and you will be keeping him entertained when I cannot," Anne said gently taking a sip of tea.

Elizabeth choked on her tea and began sputtering and patting at her chest in her shock.

"Oh dear, you are very on edge this morning, Lizzy."

"Oh, well, I-I-I…"

"And tongue tied it would appear," Anne teased.

"I am not. I am a little – ah…"

"Why don't you read to me a little, I did not sleep well last night and it would soothe me."

"Yes!" Lizzy said, jumping up in her happiness for the distraction.

"Wonderful. Would you just go into Fitzwilliam's room and get my book? I left it on his bedside table yesterday when I was stretching my legs." Anne asked innocently. "The doctor says I must not venture far when alone, but I must exercise my muscles," she supplied with a little shrug.

"Mr Darcy's r-room?" Lizzy gulped.

"Yes, but it is fine, he is not in there, we would have heard him if he had returned." Anne lied.

"And you said it was on his bedside?"

"Yes. It is The Winter's Tale. I shall ring for more tea while you fetch it." She said cheerfully, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Very well." Lizzy said standing and smoothing her skirts timidly.

Clearing her throat, she paused with her hand on the door handle nervously.

"Are you sure you wish to read that book? We could perhaps start a new story. I found a book in the library-"

"No, I wish to read that one. It is my favourite." Anne said, cutting her off.

"Of course, I will be right back, I suppose…" she trailed off anxiously raising her hand into a fist to knock.

"Oh, and Lizzy…"

"Yes?"

"There is no need to knock. After all he is not in there," Anne said, with another mischievous gleam twinkling in her soulful eyes.

Nodding and steeling herself, Elizabeth shook off her nerves and breezed into Mr Darcy's chambers, walking straight towards the bedside, just as Anne had instructed. She was so preoccupied with retrieving the book as soon as possible she failed to notice the curtains about the four-poster bed, dominating the room were partly drawn.

The room smelled of him. Warm spice, soap and leather and she could see some of his clothes had been discarded over the back of an armchair. Without realizing what she was doing, Elizabeth moved towards it and trailed her fingers along the fabric, lingering on his silk cravat, before collecting herself, looking over her shoulder to check if Anne could see her, but the door was at an angle that blocked her view into the room. With a small sigh she continued over to the bedside table.

Reaching down she picked up the copy of The Winter's Tale and turned spooked by a movement in the corner of her eye.

Elizabeth gasped, clutching the book to her chest as she was confronted with view of Mr Darcy fast asleep in the bed beside her. Darcy was laying on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes as the sheets draped low on his hips and the other arm reaching across the mattress toward her. The blankets only partially covered him, one leg and hip, with the jutting hip bone under the skin, bared to her hungry gaze. His muscled chest was lightly sprinkled with dark hair, trailing in a provocative line down his taut abdomen, and disappearing under the sheet. His thighs were just as impressively masculine. Long and lean with, a smattering more, of dark hair across them. Raising her gaze to his face, he looked much younger in his slumber, his lips parted slightly as he breathed steadily in his sleep –

Darcy chose that moment to groan something and rolled his head to face the other way - startling Elizabeth that she dropped the book and clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle any sound.

The book landed on the carpet with a muffled thud, which in the tense silence was deafening. Frozen as still as a statue, Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't stir. Bending slowly, she collected the book and straightened, looking back at Mr Darcy to check she was still safe from discovery and then tip toed her way out of the room.

Pulling the door closed quietly she rounded on Anne, who was sitting up innocently nibbling at a piece of shortbread, her shoulders shaking with her barely concealed mirth.

"You did that on purpose!" Elizabeth accused crossly.

"Oh, Elizabeth! You should see the look on your face!" she chortled, grasping at her sides and pain shot through them.

"It is not funny! And it serves you right, that it hurts you to laugh! What if he had woken and found me in there?"

"Do you really wish for me to answer that?" Anne replied with an arched brow.

"I do not understand… What kind of wife, allows another woman to see her husband in the nude?"

"He was nude?" Anne said wiggling both brows this time.

"Anne!"

"All right, all right," she said placatingly. "Come, I feel it is time we had a direct talk, only this time there will be no beating about the bush!"


	19. Chapter 19

* **THIS STORY IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED ©**

 **Dear Readers** : This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.

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**Chapter 19**

"A-A direct conversation?" gulped Elizabeth as she slowly lowered herself back into the chair at Anne's bedside.

"Exactly that," Anne confirmed with a small nod.

Just then the door opened to admit the fresh tea tray, distracting both of them. Once they were situated with their teacups and Elizabeth thought to change the subject, but Anne spoke before.

"Now, where were we?" she asked.

"Ah, we were about to start reading The Winter-"

"Lizzy, come now we have had open and revealing conversations before." Anne cut in incredulously. "There is no need to look so frightened. I don't bite. Honestly we are only going to have a conversation-"

“I believe that I am quite rightly uncomfortable, that you wish to have a frank conversation about your husband!" she hissed.

Anne rolled her eyes, "I do not know why you are both acting so scandalized. You know better than anyone else that we are only married in name."

"But Anne he is – and what do you mean the both of us?" Elizabeth paled.

"Yes. And I will tell you what I told him… stop overthinking this! We are just friends and confidants –"

"No, you are not. Do not forget what you told me. I know you have consummated your marriage, Anne. That is not something that you can ignore or forget."

"And neither of us wished to repeat the act. I promise you that he and I, have only familial feelings towards the other. Something that our intimacy confirmed to us absolutely! It is hardly as if I am his one and only he is a man of the world after all. And more over I really want him to find happiness." Anne said leaning forward and taking one of Elizabeth's in her cold ones, "Lizzy, he lights up around you…"

Elizabeth jumped up suddenly and turned away, one hand on hip, one on her forehead.

"No. I cannot have this conversation with you."

Anne laughed her chest rattling. She tried to clear her throat and began coughing and choking. Elizabeth turned immediately and rushed forward but Anne put her hand up stalling her, pressing her handkerchief to her mouth. Wanting to be useful she went to the table to get a glass of water for her friend.

Pulling the handkerchief away, Anne saw the bold stain of red glaring at her, in stark contrast to the white of the material. Quickly wiping her mouth, she tucked it under her hip, in time to smile at Elizabeth as she hurried forward with the glass of water.

"Thank you, Lizzy. But I will not be deterred from the task at hand. Now, I fear your main worry is over any intimacy you believe exists between Fitzwilliam and me. I shall enlighten you. There is none."

"Do not lie to me. I have seen Jane and Bingley and I will not come between the two of you."

"I am not jealous or hurt."

Elizabeth scoffed, shaking her head.

"You are insistent on making me believe that there is no intimacy shared between you and Darcy, but you have laid together and I have seen you. The way you care for him and he for you. You care for him so much, that you are willing to do… this!" Elizabeth said gesturing to herself.

"Oh, Lizzy. Of course, we care for each other, we have spent a great deal of time together, just not romantically. True we have laid together; I was curious about the act and I wanted to be a woman and wife in every sense. Sadly, I have no desire to repeat the act, and I can tell he was not particularly happy doing so even the once. So, you see it was curiosity, not love or even lust. It was a friend doing me a favour… so to speak…" said Anne trailing off and for the first time Elizabeth was shocked to see her friend actually blushing.

"It goes against everything we are taught throughout our lives. Adultery is a sin, Anne."

"That is not what this is, Elizabeth."

"No? We have kissed!" Elizabeth said unblinkingly, watching to see Anne's immediate reaction.

"Yes, Elizabeth, I know. Fitzwilliam confessed what happened to me yesterday before dinner and then we stayed up talking into the evening. From what I gather you and he are more than a passing fancy. You deeply care for each other and more than that, you seem to have been designed for one another. There is such a connection and chemistry, it has the potential to be a great love and I for one will not stand in the way. All that I ask is that it is kept hidden while I am still alive."

A tear trickled down Elizabeth's cheek.

"Oh, do not cry! I meant only that, if it whispers got back to my mother," Anne shuddered, "I would not wish such a fate on anyone."

"You must despise me?" she sobbed, "After all you have done for me... I have taken advantage of you kindness and generosity. I feel so guilty." Elizabeth bent and pressed her head to the mattress and let her tears flow.

"Sshhh. I do not blame you and I am not upset with you; I promise." Anne said, softly stroking her hair.

"But how can you not be bothered, even slightly?"

"Elizabeth, hear me now and understand this is the last time we will talk of this. I give you and Fitzwilliam my blessing. Whatever you both decide from here on is up to you but know that it would make me very happy to see the both of you come together."

Elizabeth held her position, listening to the lady's penetrating speech, and could see that she was being sincere in her declaration. Anne harboured no resentment or hurt by the connection she shared with Darcy.

"Do you believe me?"

"Yes." Replied Elizabeth weakly.

"Then what are the reservations you still hold? I can see them in your eyes." Anne said frowning slightly.

"I believe now that I have received, your true feelings... I must now work on the tumultuous feelings of uneasiness and fear. It easy enough to tell me to leap and take this happiness for myself… but what happens once I do leap?" Elizabeth asked.

"I do not understand?"

"With my husband, I knew my place in the world. I was the wife of a parson and yes he brutalised my mind and body…" taking a deep shuddering breath before she continued, Elizabeth looked up into Anne's eyes, "He has never touched or been in position to leave me with a broken heart."

"Yes, but you do not intend to go back to him, do you?"

"I had not, but what can I do if he comes looking for me? Neither you nor Mr Darcy can stop him. By doing this, I leave myself open to ridicule and devastation!"

"Elizabeth, I cannot deny that there are risks involved in this endeavour, but there are ways around them. The beauty of your circumstance is that even though your name might be known through mention of my mother, due to how your husband treats you, your face is not necessarily known by society or anyone in London or Derbyshire. It would be no trouble for you to assume a new identity and a new wardrobe as a rich widow from elsewhere." Anne said confidently.

For a long while neither said anything as Elizabeth sat nibbling at her bottom lip, her hands twisting in her lap.

"I am scared Anne." She whispered finally.

Could I have a happy life after what I have been through? What man who knew of my weakness would ever hold me as his equal? As it stands, Mr Darcy only knows I am frightened of Mr Collins. He does not yet know why...

* * *

Elizabeth, left Anne's room when she heard movement in Mr Darcy's chambers. Now as she smiled, her earlier distress fading as she meandered through the house to the breakfast room, she could hear that everyone was in good spirits this Christmas morning and breathed a welcome sigh, of relief. Her mind needed a happy distraction.

Entering the room, she found Charlie sitting upon Jane's lap and waved to him. Laughing as he gurgled a response and wriggled on Jane's lap. Next to them sat Caroline and Mrs Hurst. They all looked up at Charlie's distracted excitement, as she entered and wished her a good morning and a happy Christmas.

"Ah, Eliza! We were wondering what had kept you. As you see, the men have deserted us after yesterday evening," chuckled Caroline.

"Yes, can you believe Mr Hurst actually thought they would be up this morning at dawn to go shooting for out dinner!" snickered Louisa.

"I wonder why Charles isn't here, he was in good spirits with the rest of the men, but he did not drink during dinner and after I am sure he only had two brandies at most." Mused Caroline.

Jane blushed a little, as she gave a non-committal shrug.

"What is the plan for today, Jane?" asked Elizabeth quickly, seeing her sister's embarrassment.

"Well, at Christmas we spend the morning at our leisure and luncheon is taken with the tenants. Our family from Longbourn will join us afterwards. One year we sang carols together, the previous year we put on a performance." Jane said grateful for the change in topic.

"I vote this year we have dancing!" chimed in Caroline.

"Dancing?" asked the voice of Mr Hurst as he sidled into the room a little gingerly, with a smiling Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy.

Elizabeth's heart sped up at the sight of Darcy. His thick, dark hair, still slightly wet from his morning ablutions. Her mind flashed to the image of his hair disheveled from sleep as she had seen him earlier...

"Oh Lord!" She grumbled quietly to herself.

Today his tall, broad frame was dressed in his usual dark attire, only today he had chosen a forest green waistcoat. A physique she knew needed no enhancement from padding within his clothing.

Catching her eye, he smiled fetchingly, which produced the alluring dimple on his left cheek. Watching in both pleasure and dismay as he moved gracefully to sit beside her at the breakfast table. As she looked up at his handsome visage, his eyes sparkled like the pale blue of the winter sky. Suddenly self-conscious, she wished she had worn a better gown, the one she had chosen was one of Jane's but it upon reflection the yellow was not as fetching as the plum pink would have been…

She had scarcely a second to gather herself, when he addressed her.

"Good morning, Elizabeth." Said he, his voice deep and silky.

Her heart skipped a beat, "Good morning, Mr Darcy," she said quietly.

"Yes, dancing! I feel as it is Christmas, we should all partner up to dance the waltz." Caroline's voice drew her attention back to the main conversation.

Louisa clapped her agreement of the suggestion and laughed at the slightly scandalised expression on Elizabeth and Jane's faces.

"Oh, come now, we are all friends and family. It is perfectly acceptable." Assured Caroline.

Mr Darcy turned slightly towards her, the action causing his thigh to brush against hers. Elizabeth shuddered, at their brief secret connection under the table. The touch seemed to awaken… something deep in her stomach. How could he produce such perplexing sensations, with but a look or small caress?

Elizabeth stiffened when she felt him lean in towards her, this time his foot moving to rest next to hers.

"What say you, Elizabeth? Will you dance a waltz with me?" he asked, his breath whispering across her neck.

"I – I am not sure that would be very appropriate, sir?" she said refilling her cup with tea and his with coffee.

Darcy smiled to himself, inordinately pleased that she remembered his preference for coffee over tea in the mornings.

"But as Miss Bingley kindly pointed out, we are all friends and family, where is the scandal in that?" Darcy asked innocently, taking a sip of his coffee and watching her over the rim of his coffee cup.

Letting out a small chuckle, she turned to face him. "Very well, Mr Darcy. If there is to be dancing and if Caroline convinces our hosts, I shall dance a Waltz with you.

"Fitzwilliam."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Or William. I feel that we are now at a stage where you may address me by my Christian name, don't you?" he asked in low tones.

"Oh, well…" she said fumbling for an excuse.

"I sense you need convincing." He teased.

"You sense correctly, Mr Darcy."

He let out a low chuckle of masculine amusement.

"Well, how will you persuade me?" she said enjoying their light-hearted sparring immensely.

"This morning I had the most wonderful dream…" He said dropping his voice so as not to be overheard, "It turns out it was not a dream and had you not fled from my room, I might have tried to convince you then."

Clearing her throat, she resisted the urge to look away from the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. She would not be intimidated.

Arching a brow, she replied, "I fear you have a very overactive imagination, Mr Darcy. Unfortunately, you have not managed to convince me."

"You may dissemble all you want, Elizabeth. But I have proof…"

"What proof could you… Anne!" she gasped.

He frowned gently and shook his head.

"No, not Anne. The book you took from my bedside table. Do not trouble yourself, I am not cross with you. Far from it."

"Oh," Elizabeth said with becoming blush. "Well, you have erred sir. If you had been cross, you might have convinced me to call you by your Christian name by way of apology." she giggled.

Darcy startled her by, laughing out right. "You have always made me marvel at your quick wit and intelligence. It seems that once again you have triumphed over me." He said, looking at her adoringly.

Elizabeth had the most ridiculous urge to lean into him, his strength and kindness awed and comforted her.

She faltered into astonished stillness. How could it be that this man, in such a short time and only a handful of conversations, had become so much to her. Elizabeth, gently reached for his hand under the table, feeling Darcy stiffen before returning the touch and intwining her fingers through his. It was the first time she had initiated any kind of intimacy between them.

"I wish very much that we shall have our waltz, William." Elizabeth whispered a little breathlessly as his thumb traced circles on her inner wrist.

"As do I, my lovely Elizabeth," William, whispered back longingly.


End file.
